Madonna Is Not Dead

Madonna IS BACK (from the dead)!

Just months after developing a "serious bacterial infection" to the point where her tour was canceled and she spent days in the ICU, the 65-year-old Material Girl was back at it Saturday night in Brooklyn at the Barclays Center where the Boomer was getting after it with one of her dancers.

The OutKick Culture Department had an undisclosed source with boots on the ground to get footage of Madonna enjoying herself to prove that the old girl is not only still alive and kicking, it also seems as if her lesbian sex drive is still as strong as ever.

Look, if you came here hoping we would crush Madonna for hanging on for too long like when Willie Mays went to the Mets as a 41-year-old and proved he held on for too long, this isn't the post for you.

Madonna still has to pay the bills and if suburbanites are willing to pay her to go have simulated sex with one of her dancers six months after she nearly died, then get after it girlfriend.

That said, I watched that Madonna handjob video a couple of times and it sure looks like old girl was a wind-up toy going through the motions and looking like she was running on empty. She was moving those arms like Dot Matrix in Spaceballs.

Buy, hey, what the hell. She got the job done. Fans went home happy and one of the legends of the industry cashed a paycheck. (The Madonna tour coats are $350!)

It's a tough economy out there. Stop and think about how much it costs to live the Madonna lifestyle with Joe Biden in office. Do you think plastic surgery just magically went down in price when Biden took office? Hell no, it skyrocketed just like the price of lumber.

She's estimated to be worth $850 million, but $850 million these days isn't exactly f-you money when you're Madonna. That's two NFL quarterbacks for 10 years in the NFL. That's chump change.

There you have it, a little trivia to throw around at the family Christmas parties coming up.