Madonna Enjoys A Bowl Of Soup Topless, Wacko Witches Are Casting Spells On Trump & Dodgers Boob Flasher ID'd!
One week, boys and girls. One week from today is Halloween. That means eight days from today, it's basically Christmas.
Watch. Sit and watch. In eight days, insufferable Mariah Carey will be blasting her dumb song all over the internet. The blood on Michael Myers' knife won't even be dry yet from the night before, and we'll already be singing deck the halls as a society. It's disgusting, and I won't stand for it.
But that's a next-Thursday problem. Not a today-problem,. Today, we have no problems. We have the meat of October to look forward to, a good Thursday Night Football game on deck, and a big weekend in front of us.
So, we ride.
Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we fight off the winter chill with Madonna – Madonna!!! – and, for some reason, we're gonna do it shirtless. No idea why Madonna went this route, but we'll take it! Maybe.
What else? I've got the alleged Dodgers boob flasher from a few weeks back coming clean, a Reddit thread of witches who are FURIOUS that their spells aren't working on Donald J. Trump, and Zyn continuing to be the biggest scam of all time.
I've been telling you folks for months now … ROGUE. Rogues are the way to go. Zyn is woke and hates to have fun. It's a bigger scam than insurance.
OK, that's enough rambling for now. I'm starting to sound like Kamala from last night's doozy of a town hall. Let's get those pencils up, listening ears on, and get ready for a big class.
'Cap time!
Political Twitter is really starting to heat up
Look, I don't wanna do it – but I also do wanna do it. I can't go a day without talking at least some politics. Not right now, at least.
This is the political world's Super Bowl. These next two weeks are gonna produce #content none of us could have ever dreamed of. It's gonna come so fast and furious our heads are gonna be SPINNING once the final vote is tallied sometime around Christmas (joking, kind of).
For starters, the Dems are clearly panicking because Kamala is polling so horrifically bad right now it's almost unfathomable.
They basically locked her in a room for two days just to stop the bleeding, and then briefly unleashed her yesterday to A) call Trump Hitler, and B) go on what they thought was a cozy town hall with Anderson Cooper last night.
Except, Anderson – give him credit – wasn't having any of the bullshit. None of it. She was so bad I almost thought I had accidentally turned on an SNL skit.
Remember last week when I told you she was Michael Scott? Well …
Clay had the viral tweet last night, but don't you dare forget who played it for you LAST WEEK. Nightcaps has always been ahead of the trends. We're not all boobs and beer around here. That's a lot of it, but not all of it.
We try to educate. Just a little. We call BS when we see BS, and this Kamala BS is getting more insane by the day.
They've circled BACK to the Hitler comparison, which is such an impressively bad strategy I almost want them to just keep leaning into it.
Please, by all means, keep calling Trump Hitler. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease:
Zyn is garbage and always has been
What a thread. Just an insane thread, really. It really is amazing how they've vilified him in less than a decade.
And people – liberal college idiots or unhinged 50-year-olds with purple hair or they/them in their bios – will just eat it all up. Oh, the Dems say he likes Hitler and wants to govern as such? Must be true!
Sure, he was already in office once and never or acted in such a way, but sure, he'll surely do it this time! We really do live in such a dumb era. How unlucky are we?
Anyway, moving on!
Zyn – the popular nicotine pouch company that's really quite awful and probably the worst of the bunch – is angry at Baker Baker the Touchdown Maker for popping one in on Monday night:
"Swedish Match appreciates its loyal consumers and encourages them not to show the product in any situation where someone under 21 years old could see it," a ZYN spokesperson told TMZ Sports.
"The product is marketed only to current nicotine consumers 21 years old and over as a better alternative to continued smoking and other traditional tobacco products."
I mean, how dumb can one be? Seriously? Baker gives you some of the best, free, advertising in the history of time, and you just shit on yourself because you're a bunch of woke losers who need to gaslight every chance you get. Gotcha!
And yes – Zyn is WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWoke! Look at THIS:
Witches, boob flashers & Madonna, oh my!
I've never liked Zyn. I stopped dipping my Copenhagen LC wintergreen about 18 months ago, and went through the natural process of finding an alternative.
I started with Velo, which wasn't bad. Not the best, but not awful. Tried Zyn and never could get on board. I never really understood the hype. Too dry. Not enough kick. Try again.
And then I found Rogues. And buddy, I promise you, they are the absolute top of class when it comes to nicotine pouches. I promise. The wintergreen, especially. Trust me on this one.
PS: Rogue's parent company, Swisher, donated over $160k to Republicans this cycle, if that helps get you over the hump.
You are welcome!
OK, rapid-fire time on this second-to-last-Thursday-of-October. First up? The looney-tunes witches are PANICKING right now because none of their spells are working on Trump … so far, at least:
Now, I assume most of you are like me and wanted to brush up on this Blue Wave spell they speak so highly of. Luckily for you, I tracked it down HERE!!!!!
Some observations:
- Do this ritual as frequently as possible until the election, if possible. Noon is best, midnight is also a good time, but do it whenever you have the opportunity.
- You need a blue candle, a red candle, a pin and a printout of the United States of America (duh).
- Use the pin or nail to inscribe the words Blue Wave in the wax of the blue candle. If you’re using a prayer/novena candle, carve it into the top of the candle near the wick. Place the candle in a central spot on your altar.
- With the pin or nail, carve TRUMP GOP in the red candle. If your candle is too small to carve, just say (with contempt) "You are Donald Trump and the Republican Party!"
- Light the blue candle, then say:
Hear me, oh spirits
Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts
and spirits of the ancestors
I call upon you
In this hour of need
And request your aid
To save my country and its people
From the grip of tyrants and evildoers
Raise a mighty blue wave, spirits
A wave of justice, and mercy, and truth
To wash away the corruption
And injustice
And wickedness
Of Donald Trump and the Republican Party
In a peaceful transition of power.
- Pick up the red candle and then say:
Donald Trump and the Republican Party, by your wickedness, you are broken
Donald Trump and the Republican Party, by your deception, you are broken
Donald Trump and the Republican Party, by your corruption, you are broken
Say with absolute contempt and fury:
Your power is broken!* (you may target particular Republicans by name here).
There you have it! For those of you really interested, make sure to head to Michael's batshit crazy site and really do your research, because I left some components out for time purposes.
Let me know how it goes!
(Yep. Totally sane party).
OK, let's get back on track with the Dodgers boob flashers!
First of all – no. You know the drill. We have some standards here, and I can't just willy-nilly show bare boobs when the kiddos could be running into your office right now asking if they can watch the next Blue's Clues.
But, I do hear if you click here you can see the video over on Elon's Twitter. I'm not saying you can. I've just heard rumors that it's possible.
Let me know!
Welcome to class, Sasha! Dodgers in 7.
Finally, from one boob flasher to another! Welcome to class … Madonna?
Take us home, Tiffani Amber
No idea why Madonna, 66, decided to take pictures of herself eating soup with no shirt on. Frankly, I have no idea why she decided to eat soup naked in the first place.
There are plenty of foods to eat whilst naked. We've all eaten food naked at one point or another in our lifetimes. But soup? I mean, what a risk. You're really tempting fate with that one. One wrong move, one involuntary sneeze or cough, and your burnt ass is on a one-way trip to the ER.
That took nuts, Madonna. Kudos.
Save us, Tiffani. This is what respecting fall is all about.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You ever eat soup naked? Just kidding, please don't tell me. We can talk about anything else, though! Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.