Live Sperm Racing Coming To Los Angeles This Month

I'm a big fan of racing. IndyCar, F1, NASCAR, you name it.

But a new event in Los Angeles is going to bring the original form of racing back to the big time.

I am, of course, talking about sperm racing.

Yess, those sperm.

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According to The Times, a start-up called Sperm Racing which was founded by four teenagers — the jokes write themselves, folks — has raised $1.5 million to stage a first-of-its-kind swim meet which will take place at the Hollywood Palladium on April 25.

That's right, they're looking at having thousands of people watch microscopic sperm race each other… and I'm not going to lie, that kind of sounds electrifying.

I mean, think about it: we all won a sperm race at some point.

Sperm racing is now a thing and it's headed to Los Angeles. (Getty Images)

The track these single-celled swimmers will race on is 8 inches long and is shaped like the female reproductive system because, well… I think we all know why.

I think in the future they need some new tracks based on iconic racing circuits from around the world. Maybe have a mini Indianapolis Motor Speedway or Daytona or Monaco and let the sperm go nuts on those. Hey, let's do an endurance race; a sperm version of the 24 Hours of Le Mans, perhaps 24 Minutes of Le Mans.

The teens seem to have a vision for what, I'll be honest, sounds like a stunt you'd see in a Jackass movie.

"We want to turn health into competition," Sperm Racing co-founder Eric Zhu said. "Sperm is surprising as a biomarker. The healthier you are, the faster sperm moves."

Two students — one from USC and another from UCLA — were determined to be a good matchup and will be the first two competitors to see their sperm blown up on a giant screen in front of thousands of people.

Because of the speed at which sperm moves, the races could take as long as 40 minutes and will feature play-by-play commentary, replays, and leaderboards.

And yes, you can bet on the races through Polymarket.

I think there's going to be a few more cycles before we see sperm racing on the bill at the Olympics (although after break dancing made it, it can't be too long before it does), but maybe this event will expedite that if it's a big success.