36 Years Since Lasorda-Phanatic Brawl, Monkeys Confirm Love Of Bananas, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Invades Bacon

Welcome to Nightcaps on this final Wednesday before college football really gets underway.

Week 0 was fun, but there's nothing like a full slate of games, is there?

Anyway, I’ve been called into action to do some fill-in work on Nightcaps, which is always a great honor.  

I feel like an emergency backup goalie in the National Hockey League. I spend the vast majority of my time up in the pressbox eating soft pretzels, but every once in a while when the starters can't perform, I have to spring into action with one goal in mind: don't completely screw everything up.

I enjoyed the hell out of doing Nightcaps a few months ago, so I’m excited to be doing it again, and as always feel free to email me anything you think is cool (or want to complain about, you know I'm always up for that too): mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

Now, let's get this started. I'm already full of Publix's $5 Sushi Wednesday spicy tuna roll so it had already been a pretty cool day, but how about carrying the fun into the afternoon and evening?

Pour One Out For This Guy At The US Open

The US Open is happening right now, and we've got one of the most brutal crowd shots in quite some time.

We've got a guy returning to his seat with two icy beverages in his hands, but when he goes to hand a woman one, he appears to get alpha-maled back to the Stone Age.

Oof, that sure looked like a dude whose self-confidence just took an unimpeded kick to the nards.

However, I've spent a good portion of my day trying to Zapruder this one. There appears to be a second woman — not on the grassy knoll — right next to the other woman but with her back to the camera. I think there's a chance that the victim of this brutal metaphorical pantsing may have been trying to hand her a drink and pulled his hand back when the other guy handed a drink to the woman next to him.

But that leaves a lot of unanswered questions. Namely:

• A). Where is the Alpha Male sitting in relation to the woman he gave a drink to as there are no visible empty seats?
• B). My "Second Woman" theory doesn't explain the look of dejection on the main guy's face. What was that about?
• C). Could light refraction be to blame for making us think there are two drinks when in reality there was only ever one? Some kind of "Magic Cocktail?"

We may never know the answer to this now, but I think we can assume there's at least one guy at the US Open who's going to consume his weight in Honey Deuces today.

Take A Look At Geddy Lee’s Baseball Collection For No Reason Other Than It’s Awesome

I’m a big fan of the band Rush, so I’m well aware that lead singer/bass-playing wizard Geddy Lee is a massive baseball fan.

You can see him out Toronto Blue Jays games and he even sits there and keeps score. The dude is a baseball nut.

So, over the years, he has amassed quite the baseball collection, and while he’s sold some stuff over the years it’s still incredibly impressive.

I’m not sure how old this clip of him showing off his collection to Dan Rather is (I think it might be from last year), but I saw it making the rounds on X, and it’s worth a couple of minutes just for Geddy’s collection of balls signed by US presidents.

So, Geddy Lee can sing, play bass, play keyboards, and trigger samples all at the same time, and I bet on top of all of that he could give you a spiel about the history of baseball like he’s a docent at Cooperstown.

Geddy Lee is the man.

Now, since we’re on the topic of random celebrity collections, let’s move on and take a look at Rick Springfield’s Star Wars figure collection…

I’m kidding, but that’s a real thing and it’s impressive.

36 Years Ago Today Tommy Lasorda Threw Hands With The Phillie Phanatic

Let's stick with baseball for a moment, but we're going to go back in time to the year 1988.

George H.W. Bush was preparing to face off against Michael Dukakis in the 1988 presidential election and Caddyshack II disappointed millions of moviegoers, while OJ Simpson was still best known as a football player and actor.

And on August 28 — 36 years ago — legendary MLB skipper Tommy Lasorda threw hands with legendary MLB mascot the Phillie Phanatic.

Iconic. In the annals of coaches/managers assaulting mascots history, that's right up there with Craig MacTavish pulling Calgary Flames mascot Harvey the Hound's tongue out of his head.

Back to the Phanatic for a second. Right out of college, I worked as a promotions assistant for a radio station and we were the local affiliate for Phillies broadcasts.

So, for a food truck event that the station was doing at the local airport, we got the Phanatic to make an appearance, and another promotions assistant and I were asked to pick up the Phanatic's human form and drive him to an airplane hangar in the back of the station van so he could change.

We picked up some normal-looking dude who had a big hockey bag slung over their shoulder, and we drove him to the airplane hangar where he walked into a little side room and emerged as the Phillie Phanatic.

We were also supposed to serve as the Phanatic's Secret Service so after he hopped in the back of the van he gave us directions… while still dressed as the Phanatic.

Hearing the Phanatic communicate with human words while sitting in the back of our rickety radio station van instead of doing that party-horn thing with his tongue or launching hot dogs into the upper deck was bizarre.

I'm proud to report that we protected the Phanatic (someone would say we were more successful than the real Secret Service) and there were no Tommy Lasorda-like dust-ups on my watch.

I think he did step on a kid by accident, but that's the nature of the mascot biz.

Yay Or Nay? Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bacon Edition

In this day and age, there's an obsession with crossing iconic brands and products for the sake of attention( see: Dew Dogs)

These are usually ridiculous and lead to me cruising around the grocery store getting pissed off about Swedish Fish-flavored Oreos and Pop-Tarts with Jolly Ranchers-flavored filling.

But this one stopped me in my tracks because I can't decide if it's a crime worth being tried for at The Hague, or if it's kind of a great idea.

I submit for your approval, Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bacon:

Hormel Black Label (like it's Johnnie Walker) and General Mills threw on some mad scientist coats and unleashed this Frankenstein's monster on us.

But, like Frankenstein's Monster could there actually be goodness underneath all of horror? Or should we all load up on pitchforks and torches and burn down the nearest windmill to stop?

Part of me thinks this could be delicious. It's all going to hinge on that cinnamon coating (duh) because it needs to be subtle. It needs to compliment the flavor of the bacon, not show it up.

I mean, candied bacon is fantastic and this seems like a cousin to that. 

That said, I know folks have strong bacon feelings so feel free to let me know what you think: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.

Pro Hockey Player Lexie Adzjia Rips Wristers After Injury

I don't know if you're aware, but the Professional Women's Hockey League's inaugural season was wildly successful, and one of the breakout stars was Boston's Lexi Adzjia.

The 23-year-old out of Quinnipiac University started her season in Ottawa before being dealt to Boston but had her playing time in the playoffs limited due to a hip injury.

But today after three months spent doing things other than firing vulcanized rubber into the back of the net, Adzija posted a video of her getting back in the groove to prepare for the upcoming season.

That's three months of rust, folks. Three months of rust, and she's still firing shots that none of us would want to block.

Adzija — who models on the side when she's not out on the ice lighting lamps — will be and her Boston teammates will look to bounce back after losing to Minnesota in the first-ever Walter Cup Final.

Monkeys Raid Hotel Buffet, Confirm Species' Affinity For Bananas

Let's turn our attention south of the border where we had some locals raiding a hotel buffet and it did nothing to dispel a common stereotype.

Take a look:

I always had questions about monkeys' affinity for bananas. I never doubted that they liked them, but I had questions about whether or not someone at some point just decided that monkeys were banana-obsessed and we all just bought into it to the point that the two became practically inseparable in popular culture.

That's kind of how we go the "pirate voice." There aren't any wax cylinders of Blackbeard "arr"-ing, so the pirate voice we know today is based on actor Robert Newton's portrayal of Long John Silver in the 1950 film Treasure Island.

But it turns out — at least going by our single-example, very unscientific study — that monkeys will pass up all kinds of other fruits in favor of bananas.

Now, Let's End On Some Norm Jokes Because I'm Making The Rules 'Round THese Pars (*Spits In Spitoon*)

Last time I did Nightcaps I mentioned an X account called "Norm Macdonald Joke Of The Day," so I thought we’d revisit that because who doesn’t love some classic Norm Macdonald Weekend Update jokes?

That's it for this edition of Nightcaps. Have a killer rest of the day, and we'll meet back here again tomorrow to do it all again.