Kristin Cavallari Enjoys The View From Her Hot Tub, Juneteenth WNBA Shirt Stirs The Pot & Belichick's Boat
We're over the hump, I had enough lobster to kill a horse last night (whatever the hell that means), and I hear Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old ex-cheerleader gal-pal are officially on the island TODAY.
I knew it was only a matter of time until the Summer of Bill started on Nantucket, and his insane boat – aptly named VIII Rings – docked sometime yesterday. Buckle up, folks. My goal is to have Bill teaching this class by Monday. We'll see.
On that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – where we grab a steam with Kristin Cavallari and then pound some red wine with no pants on. Frankly, it's the only way to truly enjoy some Pinot, so I respect the hell out of it. You'll see.
What else? Well, I've got an insane WNBA/Juneteenth shirt that had the internet TALKING yesterday. Maybe we'll then visit with our good pal Mike Freeman – the wokest woke over at USA Today – as he warns us all that a return to slavery is right around the corner. Stupid whites!
We'll also check in with Bryson DeChambeau as he just casually struts through Nashville with the US Open trophy, do a quick check of the mail (two days in a row!), and then end the day – perhaps – by wearing a gay CPAP mask.
Nope, that ain't a typo. You read it right. What a world.
OK, let's get to it. I've got a big lunch with Bill to get ready for. Grab a Vokda & Red Bull so you can stay up for the longest day of the year (happy Summer!), and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
This WNBA shirt has the internet abuzz
I spun the wheel and decided we'd start today's lesson … in the WNBA! I know I know – ‘ENOUGH WNBA talk, Zach!’ And I get it.
But this one has nothing to do with Caitlin Clark or Angel Reese. See? I'm here to find other ways to piss you all off. You're welcome!
Don't know if you heard, but yesterday was Juneteenth. Big day, especially for the virtue-signalers far and wide. It was their Super Bowl.
Exhibit A:
Ah, welcome back to class, Mikey! Nothing like taking a holiday and using it as a warning to everyone that we're about to hop in a time machine, hit 88 MPH and buzz straight back to slavery:
Juneteenth also serves as a warning. Or at least it should. There are people who want to take us back in time. Maybe not to when Black Americans were slaves (or maybe they do) but back.
The country is on a trajectory that I'm not sure many Americans understand. It's been a slow burn that is turning heated and is rapidly getting worse. It seemed, after the murder of George Floyd, that the country was making a dramatic turn toward something different. That never happened.
Head on a swivel! As always, thanks for the warning, Mike. Stay vigilant, folks.
Anyway, I say all that to introduce Las Vegas Aces star A'ja Wilson to class. She wore a shirt yesterday that had the folks on the World Wide Web TALKING:
Kristin Cavallari enjoys the mountains
That last one made me laugh out loud. That's funny, I don't care who you are. If you can't laugh at that, you're probably in the wrong class. I'm sure CNN has a class just for you right down the hall!
Look, I'm usually not in the "imagine if a white person wore that" camp when it comes to these things, because I think it's low-hanging fruit, but this is one of those times where I legitimately thought about it.
I mean, just IMAGINE the chaos if Caitlin Clark showed up to the arena in a shirt like that.
It would be the single greatest day in the history of the internet. I think that would be it. No coming back from it. Twitter would burn to the ground. Cease to exist. Oh well. Maybe one day!
Whew. That was a … deep? … way to start the longest day of the year. Time to hit the hot tub with Kristin Cavallari and wind down with some red wine and good company:
Mail time, Bill in Nantucket, gay CPAPs & soft announcers
Pool days are certainly here, Kristin! Amen, sister. And welcome back to class. Been far too long, but when spring turns to summer, the vets come out to play. Appreciate it.
OK, rapid-fire time on this first day of summer. I know it's a little early in class for this portion, but I've got a bunch of random stuff to pass along, so strap in tight.
First up? Look who's in town!
YES! I knew Bill would be here sooner or later. Our guy. Retired, dating a 24-year-old ex-cheerleader, owns a boat called the VIII Rings … goodness gracious, we're all such peasants compared to him. Insane resume.
See you Monday night at the Chicken Box, Bill & Jordon! (If you know, you know. God, I sound like such a douche)
Next up? Bryson in Nashville!
I mean, Rory would never. Man of the People. We don't deserve someone like Bryson.
And by "we," I mean society:
Incredible. There's just nobody on this planet who asked for that. You think gay people with sleep apnea are walking around town thinking to themselves, ‘God, I wish just for once they’d offer a rainbow CPAP mask.' Come on. We're just so lost as a country. What are we doing here?
Speaking of …
What the hell has happened to baseball? Shame on them? These guys must have FAINTED when Pedro tossed Don Zimmer to the ground like a ragdoll back in ‘03. Hell, they probably would've had Fisk and Sweet Lou locked up for life back in 1976:
THAT was when baseball was great. From about the mid-70s through the mid-2000s. Been downhill ever since.
Finally … island mail time! From Dave C.:
Long time, first time. Read Night Caps today, and wanted to say THANK YOU for your take on Willie Mays. I was watching MLB Network this morning (big baseball guy, humble brag), and they were showing a bunch of highlights of his career in black and white (you know, because he played 70 yrs ago), and then interviews with Ken Griffey Jr and others that were in tears that Willie Mays died, saying things like they were DEVASTATED, etc.
I thought I was going crazy myself and that I was a cold-hearted jerk for thinking "Guys, you know what people that are 93 do? They die. NO ONE should be surprised/devastated when a 93 yr old dies."
What planet are we on? People that are crushed when a 93 yr old dies of natural causes should be put in a small room with padded walls for 24hr observation. Talk about loons.
Thanks again for your honesty. Anyone that comes after you for that is an IDIOT.
Marissa Lawrence takes us into a big night
Thanks, Dave!
That comes on the heels of yesterday's rant in which I somewhat bashed the baseball purists for acting like 93-year-old Willie Mays dying was the most shocking death of all time.
You had announcers crying, pitchers asking for the game to be paused, ESPN's Steve Levy said Willie was "gone too soon," it was chaos. And just a bit much.
I'm just glad Willie checked out before slavery started back up – am I right, Mike!?
Take us home, Marissa!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You gonna buy one of those WNBA shirts? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.