Kristi Noem Rocks Flamethrower For Christmas

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So you think YOU got some cool gifts this year?

Enter South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem, whose staff bought her a flamethrower for Christmas.

It all started two years ago, according to White House reporter Philip Wegmann. In December 2020, Noem was playing with a borrowed flamethrower when she jokingly asked, “Is it too late to add something to my Christmas list?”

So, this year, her staff pulled together to get her one.

And just in time, too! With South Dakota suffering from relentless winter storms this weekend, a gun shooting 10-foot flames seems highly preferable to a snow shovel.

How Can I Get One?

So glad you asked. Because they are legal almost everywhere in the United States without a background check, you can order your very own flamethrower from the comfort of the Internet. Freedom, baby! 

California and Maryland do have some restrictions, though. Not surprising considering Maryland’s proximity to D.C. and the fact that California sucks.

And flamethrowers are surprisingly affordable! Large propane torches are available on Amazon for as little as $50. A model similar to Noem’s, though, will run you about $650.

Worth it.

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Amber is a Midwestern transplant living in Murfreesboro, TN. She spends most of her time taking pictures of her dog, explaining why real-life situations are exactly like "this one time on South Park," and being disappointed by the Tennessee Volunteers.