Kristi Noem Dolls Herself Up Before Catching The Bad Guys, Dummy Trudeau & The Disgraceful, Snot-Nosed Dems!
Happy Hump Day to all who celebrate, even the deranged, childish, insufferable, embarrassing, purple-haired Libs who made a mockery of this country last night.
Whew. Am I full of piss and vinegar today or WHAT?
I'm so annoyed still at whatever the hell that was last night. These are the same people who have been telling me for years that they're ‘sO eMbArRaSsEd’ of this country, right? Incredible. The hypocrisy from that side is insane at this point. They're so lost. What a night.
Anyway, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we scoop up some illegal aliens with Kristi Noem and go from there.
What else? I've got plenty of thoughts on last night's debacle at Trump's speech, an episode of The Brady Bunch (that's right!), Food Network's Giada stops by and all of Florida is super concerned about wacko Justin Trudeau saying the Canadians are no longer vacationing here.
Just kidding! We are THRILLED! Please, please, please be right!
Grab you a swig of whatever the hell Nancy Pelosi was drinking from her cane, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!
It's official, Dems are total losers
Yeah, I mean – they're all just insane. How you can watch that disgrace from last night and still vote Democrat is beyond me. I would be so embarrassed to even be associated with that party at this point.
Just children. They're all children. Snot-nosed, bratty children. Actually, no. That's not fair to the children. I have a toddler. She's 3. Do you know how immature they are at this age? How tough they are to deal with?
She would run circles around those lunatics. Circles. It would be a bloodbath.
They wouldn't stand for a kid with brain cancer. They wouldn't stand for a mother whose daughter was murdered by an illegal. They wore pink, but refused to stand for women's rights. They held up little signs like they were at an auction. They yelled, kicked and screamed. They got kicked out. They walked out.
It was embarrassing. The whole party should be ashamed today. They won't be, because they think they're cool and hip and ‘have the pulse of Americans.’
They do not. I promise, they don't. Do you know how hard it is – or, at least, used to be – to make Republicans cool? I grew up in a world where the Dems were the cool ones, and the Big Rs were the dorks trying to play catch-up. It's totally flipped, and they still don't see it.
Do you know why Trump won last November? A big reason? The Gen-Zers. The 18-40s group. He dominated that age range. He's still dominating it today, according to a recent poll.
And it's so easy to see why. You just watched it! LOOK AT THIS:
I'm sure glad Kristi Noem's on our team, though!
They're all so unhinged. Next time your liberal aunt brings up Jan. 6, just respond with, "March 4." That's it. All you have to say.
What an embarrassment. Thank God we won last November. Could you imagine the hellhole we'd be living in right now had things gone differently?
For starters, I wouldn't be able to proudly display these bad boys!
Courtesy: Zach Dean
I was actually at lunch today and our waitress was ALL IN on this hat, courtesy of the First Lady. Some are saying she's even more patriotic than Melania. I wouldn't go that far, but she does love this great country AND our newly-acquired body of water!
I know a bunch of y'all want one, and I'm working on it. Hang tight! I always take care of my students first. It's why we win awards, you know. Stay tuned.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! The Dems are losers, and the Big Rs have Kristi Noem catching bad guys and looking hot whilst doing so.
Choose your fighter:
The Brady Bunch, Giada & Trudeau, oh my!
What a pistol! Get ‘em, Kristi! Don’t give those scumbags an inch. Not one inch. Let's keep making this country safe again!
OK, rapid-fire time on the first Hump Day of March. First up? This side-by-side of measles coverage is fascinating to me:
Holy cow. I'm so scarred by the internet and AI, that I had to make sure that was real. And it is. For those older than me in class, you've probably seen that Brady Bunch episode a billion times.
It's the 13th episode of season 1, and it's real. All of it. I feel like we're back in COVID times.
Look, I've got two kids, so I'm well aware of the measles … outbreak … going on in Texas. I'm also well aware that this literally happens every single year, but we just ignore that for some reason. It's weird.
Anyway, this one has struck a nerve more than others, and it's slowly starting to percolate. I can feel it in my plumbs. I can see it. The media hasn't latched onto it quite yet, but trust me, it's coming. I've seen this movie before.
And by the way, I'm not sitting here telling you that measles can't be dangerous. Obviously, it can be. Believe me, kids getting sick is the absolute worst. My kid got RSV and COVID back-to-back in July 2022. It was awful.
I'm just here to take you on a little history lesson, and if I can use the Brady Bunch to do it, I'll sign up for that 10/10 times.
PS: Carol Brady? Would!
Carol Brady of the "The Brady Bunch." Photo by CBS via Getty Images.
Next? Carol can get some, and so can Food Network's Giada De Laurentiis!
Welcome back to class, Giada! Been a while. Good to see you out and about again. Can't wait for dinner!
Finally, let's check in with insufferable Justin Trudeau, who honestly gets dumber by the day:
Take us home, Gia Duddy!
Such a dummy. Hey, Justin – this isn't the threat you think it is. I promise. You know what this would do to my life? Frankly, it would free up the golf course a hell of a lot more this time of year. I could maybe get a tee time before 4 p.m.
So please, by all means, take your anger out on Florida. We are BEGGING you. We've got plenty of tourists down here. I promise. We're all set!
PS: this isn't a shot at any of our sane Canadian readers. I love Canadians. You guys are the nicest people on the planet, and I know the sane ones love Trump and the US. You all are more than welcome at all times.
OK, that's it for today. I'm exhausted. The Dems took it all outta me last night, and I'm still recovering today.
Let's head on into the night with elite NFL WAG Gia Duddy, and get back on track.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Think Kristi would wear one of our hats to catch the bad guys? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.