Kay Adams Gives A Poolside Parlay, Megan Fox Sex Robot Scene Is A Talker & The Cocks Are Ready For Livvy Dunne
Look, I ain't in a great mood today, so no funny business, OK? Please. Just for today, let's all act right.
What a miserable – and I mean miserable – night last night was. In my wildest dreams, I couldn't have conjured up a worse way to spend two hours.
The Dolphins STUNK out of the gate. I mean, just awful. Hey, McDaniel. Maybe draw up some plays for Tyreek Hill and/or Jaylen Waddle. Ever heard of them? Idiot.
And then, of course, Tua decides to scramble a billion yards past the first down marker and not slide. What are you doing? Dude. Come on.
Seriously, is there a worse combination on the planet than Tua Tagovailoa and Thursday Night Football? The guy literally suffers (maybe) career-ending concussions every single time he's on TNF. It's insane.
And now my football season is toast. Like, that's it. Bam. Just like that. I won't watch Skylar Thompson for the next four months. Can't do it. Won't do it. I wouldn't wish that sort of torture on my worst enemy. It's amazing how cursed this franchise is. I'm in pure hell today. So, again, please just bare with me for a bit.
I'm gonna grind for you all because that's the kind of dude I am, but just know you're not getting my best stuff. I'll try, though.
Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where I bring in Queen Kay Adams to lift spirits on an otherwise dark day and pray she comes through. We'll see.
What else? If you're bored tonight, Megan Fox has a new movie out where she's literally just a sex robot. Again, I repeat: if you wanna see Megan Fox as a sex robot, head to your local AMC tonight!
I've also got the best of the rest from a big week, a Dolphins cheerleader providing the lone bright spot from last night's shitshow, and maybe we'll do a little gambling. I don't know. We'll see.
Again, I ain't in the best mood.
But that's not your fault. So, we press forward. Pencils up. Let's roll!
What did we think of Amazon's production last night?
I … wasn't a fan. At all.
For starters, it didn't sound right to me. It was weirdly quiet. Except the commercials, of course. The neighbors down the street know all about the pros and cons of Ozempic today. But other than that? Audio sucked.
Visually … it was weird, too. The First Lady popped in at halftime and immediately said it didn't look right. Said it looked like it was in fast-forward. Jumpy. Did y'all notice that?
Obviously, America's biggest complaint today is 79-year-old Al Michaels. He seemed to be asleep at the wheel last night, and I'm talking about early in the game when it was … still a game!
Both touchdown calls in the first quarter felt somber. I wasn't gonna say anything today because I like Al and don't really care that much, but the internet tore him to shreds, so I reckon I wasn't alone:
Damar Hamlin & Tua just don't mesh with primetime football
I know that Bucs game is from the playoffs a few years ago, but still … it's night and day. I don't know. I feel like Al still has plenty of juice, so I'm gonna give him a pass on this one. Frankly, Amazon's production annoyed me far more than Al Michaels did.
Herbie was good, as usual. We're a pro-Herbie class, you know. If you don't like it, Romo 101 is down the hall!
(the dog bit wears on me, though, I'll admit it)
OK, let's move on from Al to … Tua.
Sad. Just sad. It's all just sad. It's also amazing how this literally only happens to Tua in primetime TNF games. The infamous Bengals game where Tua literally froze on the field was nearly two years ago to the day. And now, this.
Insane.
I just can't believe I have to think about the possibility of Ryan Tannehill coming back to my team. Or Jimmy G. Or Carson Wentz. Or, as lunatic Dan Orlovsky suggested today, MAC JONES.
I swear to God, if the Dolphins trade for Mac Jones, I will jump ship. That'll do it for me. At this point, let's tank our asses off for Cam Ward next year. Do it, cowards.
OK, best of the rest from the week that was:
Kay Adams splashes & cashes, Dolphins cheerleader turns heads & the new Megan Fox movie is here!
Insane sign right there from the Cock faithful. Love college football. Livvy Dunne getting called out by wacko South Carolina fans is what it's all about, baby!
Let's Go Cocks!
PS: How about Nightcaps OG Amanda Vance getting the call to the big leagues?! They grow up so fast. Just remember where you saw her first, America. Right here.
We are the ones who knock.
OK, rapid-fire time so we can end this miserable day! First up? Speaking of Nightcaps OGs … Kay Adams giving out parlays from her pool is exactly the sort of content that will take her to the top:
I'll tail Kay Adams any damn day of the week. Did it hit? Nope. But whatever. We get back on the horse this weekend and bounce back.
Best bet? Alabama -15.5 over Wisconsin just to piss off Hookstead. If I have to be miserable this football season, so does he. Sorry. Those are the rules.
Next? Lets all welcome Dolphins cheerleader Cierra to class. Cierra here is going internet-viral today because some chick videoed her dancing last night and was wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to into it:
Those two videos have north of 2 million views today on Elon's Twitter. Some folks are calling this thirsty girl behind the camera a little creepy. Others are just angry at the NFL Films camera dude.
No judgment here. The heart wants what the heart wants. Shoot your shot, sister.
Finally … if you're bored tonight and don't feel like watching Kansas take on UNLV, maybe head to the movies (if they still exist in your town) and check out Megan Fox's new flick where she's literally just a horny, vindictive sex robot:
Take us home, Amanda
Look, Megan Fox is one odd duck. No doubt about it, as my buddy Cris would say. But, she's still hot. She may drink some blood, but hot is hot, and she's hot.
PS: the list of Nick's girlfriends from New Girl is absurd, but Megan Fox is easily No. 1. What an absurd character.
Anyway, if y'all go and see it – let me know how it goes! And I apologize in advance.
OK, that's all for today. All for this week. I'm tired. And sad. But, that's what beer's for. Take us home, Amanda Vance. And tell JD we said hey!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Thoughts on TNF on Amazon Prime? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.