Kanye West Hosts Naked Sushi Buffet, Man Fights Kangaroo, Rum Melons & Free Airplane Seats For Fat People

Hello and happy Tuesday!

I had an amazing weekend off, thank you so much for asking. We celebrated my husband's birthday, had a big backyard bonfire, ate some delicious food and drank a ton of non-Bud Lights.

I even went to a concert at a brewery by some bluegrass dude I've never heard of.

He was good. But if I'm being honest, I'm always down for whatever is happening at a brewery. Beer makes everything fun.

Yoga? Sure. Seinfeld trivia? I'll give it a shot. A corn hole tournament? Hand me a bean bag and an IPA, my guy.

That said, I'm buckled in now for a fun week and the start of the College World Series. After — quite literally — weathering the storm of the Super Regionals, my Tennessee Vols are headed to Omaha!

I'm so proud I could run topless across the White House lawn!

But I won't. You have to be super oppressed to get away with something like that.

(TikTok: @rosemontoya)

Anyway, I think it's time for a Nightcap, don't you?

Quit pretending to work, grab a watermelon (I'll explain later), and get comfy. In fact, just tell your boss you're working from a brewery today.

Everything's more fun at a brewery.

Do airlines discriminate against fat people?

JaeBae is back, baby!

Don't know who that is? I'll refresh your memory.

Jae'lynn Chaney is a plus-sized travel influencer (imagine reading that job title 20 years ago) who started a petition demanding that airlines make the skies friendlier for large people.

Please allow my colleague Gunz — Kyrie Irving's arch nemesis — to provide the details.

Jae'lynn believes plus-sized travelers should pay for one seat but still get as many seats as they need. A 2-for-1 or even a 3-for-1 deal!

Doubling down on her stance from earlier this year, she says it's unfair that obese people are "paying twice for the same experience."

But Jae'lynn, sweetie, you're not paying for an experience. You're paying for a seat.

If you go to a restaurant and eat two meals, you pay for two meals. You don't get one for free just because you're only one person.

How to Get an Airplane Row to Yourself

Now — full disclosure — I am one of the very few people who is actually comfortable on an airplane. I'm 5'2, don't take up a lot of space and I don't need much leg room at all.

Assuming some overly friendly person doesn't sit next to me and want to chat the whole way, I can snuggle against the window and sleep like a baby all the way to my final destination.

But on airlines where you get to choose your seat, my size is not an advantage. I'm looking at you, Southwest.

Because I am a magnet for these big dudes who think they are entitled to all of the arm rest and half of the floorboard in front of me.

As they board the plane, I can see them looking for some poor little soul like me.

So I've compiled a few strategies to make sure people don't sit next to you on a plane.

Make eye contact with every stranger like a complete weirdo.

Like this guy.

Granted, this could backfire in the worst of ways if you end up spotting someone who is actually that creepy and thinks they've found a kindred spirit.

Sneeze, cough and blow your nose like you're sick.

I know, I know. This ones kind of gross. But that's showbiz, baby.

Wear a shirt that says "Ask me about Jesus."

No offense to Jesus. But most people are not getting on a plane to be saved. And no one wants a good preaching to while they are en route to a four-day bender in Las Vegas.

Still, this one could backfire if you run across someone who does, in fact, want to spend the next three hours discussing the gospel.

So now we move on to my personal favorite strategy.

Actively try to make yourself look bigger.

You might already take up a lot of space. And if so, you're one step ahead.

But when I get on a Southwest flight, I am man-spreading, purse on the seat next to me, arms out like those guys at the gym with imaginary lat syndrome.

In fact, if Jae'lynn gets her way here, I'm going to start identifying as a 350-pound woman. I want two seats for free. And if you have a problem with it, you're a bigot.

I demand to be accommodated.

Kanye West Is Being Weird

I know, you could copy and paste that sentence every day for a lifetime, and it would be true every time.

But this one's especially bizarre.

Over the weekend, I saw Ye had a 46th birthday party, where guests ate sushi off a naked woman's body.

I do love sushi.

But the only thing more gross than eating off a stranger's naked body is eating raw fish off a stranger's naked body.

Granted, I won't even drink after anyone who isn't my husband, so maybe it's the germaphobe in me.

But I did learn this is actually a Japanese practice called Nyotaimori. It goes all the way back to the Edo Period in the 17th century, when they would actually do sake body shots off a sex worker's crotch.

And being the high-brow, cultural show that it is, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia once honored this storied tradition, too.

Wow, I just got completely derailed.

Kanye West Is Being Weird Part 2

This is what I actually wanted to tell you about.

Kanye held a "Sunday Service Congregation" in Los Angeles over the weekend where (presumably) they all atoned for lusting after the sushi plate the night before.

Just kidding, there were actually a ton of kids there. Which made the whole thing even more concerning.

Guests and choir members — all wearing white handmaiden-like robes — feasted on small pieces of meat that were creepily laid out on autopsy-style tables.

Just a weird smorgasbord of bite-sized chicken, salmon and watermelon.

No silverware, though! You have to use your hands.

Totally normal.

The kids at the watermelon table reminded me, though, of an unfortunate incident I had while camping.

What a transition.

Summer Drink Idea: The Classic Rum Melon

One time I went spontaneously camping with a friend just outside of Knoxville. Before the trip, we did what any self-respecting college students would do: We made a rum-melon.

For you uncultured swine out there, that's when you cut a hole in a watermelon, pour a bottle of rum into it and let it soak overnight.

Something like this, except way less fancy.

Anyway, we were completely worthless campers. We couldn't get our fire started. And only half of our tent would stay up.

A nice man with a couple of young kiddos at the campsite next door offered to help. So he builds our fire for us, helps us set up our tent, all that hospitality you would expect from the fine folks of East Tennessee.

At one point I happen to look over at our picnic table. His kids are EATING OUR RUM MELON.

I panicked. I looked over at my friend. She was equally horrified. Those kids — probably around 6-8 years old — were each four slices of boozy watermelon deep.

Do we say something? Do we let it go?

Well, we said something. And the guy was really mad. He stormed away from our (now blazing) fire, grabbed his brats by the arms and went back to his campsite.

For the record, though, I learned nothing. Many years later, I am still making rum melons.

But honestly, I think we did that camping guy a favor by boozing up his children. Because those kids were knocked out cold by 8 p.m.

And he went on to have a peaceful, quiet night — aside from the ass chewing he got from his wife for playing the hero to two college girls instead of watching his kids.

And now I'm still thinking about Always Sunny.

I present to you the protein-packed alternative to a rum melon... a rum ham.

Don't Mess with Kangaroos

Lest you end up like this guy.

So a kangaroo was following around a woman and child at Cohunu Koala Park in Australia. A man tried to intervene.

And boom. A solid, two-minute boxing match erupted between tourist and marsupial.

Reportedly, both human and kangaroo walked away from the match unscathed.

Luckily for that dude, though, it was just a little kangaroo. And not this guy.

Time to Settle an Argument

I'd like to apologize on behalf of the OutKick staff for my colleague Zach Dean's behavior yesterday.

I respect Zach and I value his opinion. But yesterday, his Mount Rushmore of Kellogg's cereals was unforgivable.

To recap:

This list ignited a riot in our OutKick staff Slack channel.

"Just a horrible list."

"Unbelievably bad."

"Get that ignorance out of here. Who edited that and OK'd it to be made public?"

BOOOOO.

We've all collectively agreed that not to include Frosted Flakes is a crime against humanity. Zach will be dealt with accordingly.

That said, we also acknowledge he wasn't exactly playing with a full deck. Kellogg's is an inferior cereal brand in comparison to Post and General Mills.

So I, Amber Harding, am here to give you my Mount Rushmore of cereals, regardless of brand. In no particular order:

In order to help us decide whom to toss to the lions, please tweet @TheAmberHarding and @TeamZachDean with your own lists.

The most popular cereal choices will be served on top of naked ladies at our next company party.

(I'm just kidding, HR. There is nothing to see here.)

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.