Judge Who Likes Well Endowed Men Removes Herself From Child Custody Case After Trying To Swing With The Mom

In all my life, I've never quite heard a tale like the one you're about to hear. 

So many twist and turns, so much idiocy, so much sexual tension – it's insane. It's like an episode of 24, but on steroids and with some really weird TMI sex stuff. 

No real way to transition smoothly, so I reckon we'll just jump in …

A judge in New York City has removed herself from a child custody case after attempting to bang the mom through a Swingers app. 

Just like Harrison Ford once beautifully said in ‘Force Awakens,’ It's true – all of it. 

Judge in New York takes a swing at the mother 

So, our story begins last week, when mother Sidney Southerland was minding her own business and all of a sudden gets a little notification from her 3Fun app – "the leading app for sexually free singles."

She opens it up and her jaw hits the floor. Turns out, the message was from someone named Cynthia – AKA the family court judge who's been presiding over Sidney's child custody case. 

Talk about a stunner. 

"GM," the woman wrote, according to the New York Post. "Am Cynthia. How are you?"

Southerland provided a screenshot of the message to The Post, along with judge Cynthia's profile pic, which is a photo of her in a pair of sexy black heels and black negligee, sitting cross-legged on a couch.

And yes, the profile descriptions more than matched the picture:

"We are a full swap [couple] in an [ethical non-monogamy] dynamic looking to have some hot sexy fun with other full swap [couples] and single ladies," judge Cynthia wrote. 

"We love thick girls just as much as we love petite girls! At the end of the day it’s all about personality. Guys at the most should be stocky and I the female, prefer males to be somewhat endowed."

Wow! This 3Fun app sounds like an insane little ride. Judge Cynthia doesn't care if you're a thick or skinny girl, but she'd prefer any interested males to have somewhat of a large penis. 

No clue what the cut-off is there, so I guess any interested parties are just going to have to use their best judgment. It's a very subjective thing, you know – just ask George Costanza. 

Anyway, Sidney obviously realizes this is the judge who's been – in her words – slow-playing the case to woo her, and quickly screenshots the message before firing off a response:

"Bitch, you know who the f–k I am," Southerland replied.

Judge Cynthia quickly deleted the message and blocked her, but the damage was done. Fast-forward a week, and the Post reported this morning that Cynthia recused herself from the case last Monday in a virtual teleconference. 

Seems like the right thing to do, frankly. You have to save face at some point. 

And, just to add insult to injury, Sidney went to the internet with all of this information and aired all of Cynthia's dirty, swinging laundry in a viral Twitter and TikTok post:

That little 7-second video made its way to Child Services, which then passed it on to the state Office of Court Administration.

"The Court has been made aware of this claim, and is reviewing it," an OCA spokesman told The Post. 

Moral of the story? Maybe be a little more discreet if you're a swinging judge. 

Double moral of the story? If you're interested in getting with Judge Cynthia, you better be confident as hell.