Jordon Hudson Sends A Message From Nantucket, Pandering Mel Kiper Cries Over Shedeur & Trump Trolls MSNBC

It's Britney, bitch, and I am back. 

Whew. What a week. A lot of highs. Plenty of lows. Some great nights, filled with even darker mornings. Couple close calls. The best round of golf I've ever played (84 with three birds!). An endless hangover. Tears. Laughter. The spins. Felt young again for a second. Felt old again for days after. Hell, I even learned how to be a Flower Girl. 

The things a dad will do, am I right? 

Anyway, thanks to Amber and Anthony for filling in. I assume they did, right? I'll be honest, I've been pretty checked out for a week now. Anthony did tell me he dropped a King of Queens reference in Friday's class, and I respect that. The guy knows ball. Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we jet off to Nantucket with Jordon Hudson after she rocked the boat during Bill's wild CBS interview, and go from there. 

What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded weekend of #content, Mel Kiper Jr. has officially become maybe the most insufferable gaslighter at ESPN over this Shedeur Sanders nonsense, and the White House has the wokes over at MSNBC in a PANIC over their new front yard signage. 

Cannot WAIT for the HOA president to drive by and see this one!

Grab you a Dark & Stormy – I won't, because I had about a dozen Saturday night – and settle in for a final-Monday-of-April 'Cap!

Flowers girls & Shedeur's predictable fall

Yes, I was a flower girl Saturday afternoon. There, I said it. I'm proud of it. I also nailed it. Anyone here who is a dad has been there, too. 

My 3-year-old was the ‘on-paper’ flower girl, and has been for a year now. But, I always knew this thing could, and probably would, go south. Everything is all ham & eggs until the bright lights come on. 

The second those doors opened, and it was her time to shine, she froze. Don't blame her. Big wedding. People you don't know. All eyes on you. I'd freeze, too, if I were 3. I felt it in my plumbs for a year now, and I was right. 

But that's why you always have to be locked and loaded as a father. I swooped in, picked her up, and we tag-teamed those flower pedals the whole way down the aisle. Couple on the left side. Couple more on the right side. 

We hummed Jingle Bells the whole time to stay focused. I handed her to mom, turned around and looked at our work … and we nailed it. I've never seen a more perfect aisle. It was a Hall of Fame spray chart. Complete hitter. Even my insufferable DIII college baseball coach would've been proud. 

Anyway … speaking of insufferable people who think they know what they're talking about but really have no idea, let's check in on Mel Kiper, who sounds like a dude who put the mortgage on Shedeur Sanders to go in the first round only to lose it all:

What a weekend of #content!

My God. I mean, what are we doing here? I sat on the sideline all weekend watching this Shedeur Sanders outrage, and it was so ridiculous. 

Hey, Mel … maybe the NFL just looked at Shedeur's college tape and realized he just isn't good enough to justify the headache that comes with him? Ever think about that? 

Same goes to all the fake virtue-signalers out there crying 'RACISM' over Shedeur Sanders being passed on five times over. 

Maybe he just tanked his pre-draft interviews, came off as arrogant and entitled (ask the Giants), and then wasn't really that special to begin with on the field? Good for Rece Davis for just clearly being beyond annoyed after sitting with Mel Kiper for three straight days and telling him to shut the hell up already. 

It's the same argument I used two weeks ago when Colorado inexplicably retired his stupid number. If he was Shedeur Smith, he's probably a fifth round pick anyway and nobody is talking about him. But because he's Shedeur Sanders, the NFL is racist. 

The same racist league, by the way, that drafted a black QB with the first overall pick for the THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR. God, society is so dumb. It's stunning, really. 

Let's get to the damn #content so we can laugh a bit. Lord knows I need it. Here, this should make everyone feel better!

Jordon skips town, more draft meltdowns & Happy Columbus Day!

Great variety over the weekend, boys and girls. Mixed in some baseball, draft, and a little lib-triggering. Nicely done! 

Couple thoughts …

1. The signs behind MSNBC? Incredible. Elite move out of the White House. You can feel their anger in that 30-second clip. THAT's how I want my tax dollars spent!

2. Jane Slater? Hook'em!

3. Welcome to class, Jordan Shough! Love a good Draft Day find by the internet. Unfortunately, she ain't the only JordOn in class today …

4. Which brings me to Jordon and Bill. Incredible TV. I can't stop watching. The internet sleuths are all over this one. 

Is Jordon really running the show? Has Bill just completely folded? Joe told you months ago that "the vagina is going to make" him do crazy things, and it's hard to argue it at this point. 

But for you haters who thought this would be the final straw in this blossoming love story, think again. Jordon spent the weekend on Nantucket – presumably at Bill's place – enjoying the unofficial start of the season: the Daffodil Festival. 

Hell yes. That's how you stick it to the naysayers! 

'Oh, you're all pissed at me for weirdly injecting myself into Bill's pointless CBS interview? DON'T CARE! It's Daffodil season on Nantucket, and I'm going there on Bill's dime.'

There are a ton of questions surrounding Bill and Jordon, and it's all self-inflicted. Had Jordon just not said anything, we'd all be back to talking about Shedeur today. 

But she shut down an interview and treated Bill like her bitch … and when a 24-year-old former Miss Hancock treats arguably the greatest NFL coach of all time like a little bitch on national TV, people are gonna talk … and then investigate. 

For instance … did y'all know Jordon's mom owns a sex shop on the cape? Well, now you do! Let's see where they stand, just for shits and gigs:

Trust me – that's the best possible post I could've shared. Feel free to head on over to that Instagram page yourself. You've been warned. 

Anyway, the internet is now digging into the Hudson family, and I'm thinking this is just the start. Again, it was all avoidable. This is why Bill ran such a tight ship in New England. The second someone speaks to the media, it's game over. 

Let's see how this plays out. Enjoy the island though, Jordon! Love Daffodil Festival! 

Two quickies on the way out. First up? Happy Columbus Day to all who celebrate! 

Yes! This one goes on the Mount Rushmore of Executive Orders, right behind the plastic straw one. 

Plastic straws are BACK and so is Chris Columbus! 

Piss off, Indigenous Peoples Day. You're out, and CC is BACK in. Can't wait for Oct. 13!

Finally, let's end the day with one more insufferable media freakout to come out of the weekend. This time, it's the wackos who want the kids who prank-called Shedeur sentenced to life in prison:

My God. How about dummy Matthew Berry emerging from his shitty fantasy football cave to demand some sort of "action" against these kids?

What? It was a dumb thing to do and, frankly, not even that funny, but otherwise? Who cares? These lunatics act like these kids just invented the prank call for the first time ever. The Pussification of America on full display right here, boys and girls. 

Folks … if Shedeur can't handle a prank call, he ain't handling the Dawg Pound. I think he'll be OK. If he's not, then these kids just did the Browns a favor. 

"I'm livid." 

No, you're not, Emmanuel. Enough with the fake outrage. Goodness. 

OK, that's it. Nearly 1,400 words! I told you I had a lot to say today. Good to be back in the saddle! (Although I'm off again tomorrow). 

See you Wednesday. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You outraged by the prank call? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.