If You're Mad At John Stamos Over Cancer Stunt With Dave Coulier, You're An Idiot

In a stunning twist, John Stamos and Dave Coulier are in the news – TOGETHER – in the year 2024. That's right. The old gang is back together for the first time in decades. 

Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey. Best buds in the 90s and they're still going strong today. 

Now, to be fair, the backstory here is really sad, especially if you're a Full House fan like me (and who isn't?). 

Coulier, who played Uncle Joey – Cut it out! – on the wildly popular sitcom back in the day, was recently diagnosed with Stage 3 non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It's sad. It's scary. Dave's 65, by the way, which is also sad and scary. 

Where the hell did my youth go? All my childhood heroes are growing up, and growing old. Man. 

Anyway, it's obviously an aggressive form of cancer, and one that Dave is attacking head on like the fighter he is. 

Which brings us back to John Stamos – the 90s heartthrob who played Uncle Jesse and still, to this day, has arguably the greatest head of hair in Hollywood. 

He's under absolute ATTACK today from the internet because he stood in solidarity with Coulier and went bald to fight cancer. 

Except, John didn't actually shave his head in the real sense. Instead, he played the long game … and just threw on a bald cap:

Stamos made the right call here 

Look, people are PISSED at Stamos over this one, calling him a sellout and a fake and a LOSER for not shaving his head. 

And you know what? They can all piss right off. I'm with Stamos! He's got the best hair on the planet, even at 61. Would you want to risk losing this at 61, if you're lucky enough to have it at that age? I do not THINK so:

Yeah, didn't think so. I don't blame John one bit for not tempting the Gods on this one. What if she shaved that mane and it never came back? You only have hair for so long in this life, and I feel like it's one of those things us guys need to hold on to for as long as possible. 

Now, some dudes can pull off the bald look. I can't. I don't have the head nor the body type for it. And by that, I mean I'm too fat to be bald. Need the hair to balance things out. I absolutely cannot go bald. 

If one of my buddies got cancer and asked me to stand in solidarity with him by shaving my head, I think I'd play the long game, too. Can't risk it. 

Sorry, pal. I feel for you. I really do. I'll do whatever I can to help and I'll be there for you every step of the way. But I ain't shaving my head. Sorry. It won't make or break this whole thing in the end, I promise. 

That's what John did here. The guy is still thriving at 61, and he's somehow defied all the odds and kept the same exact hair he had in the 90s. No SHOT he was risking it by cutting it all off. Would've been career suicide. 

So, he threw on a bald cap and did the next best thing. And I stand with him for that decision. 

Piss off, internet bullies. I'm #TeamStamos!

PS: the internet is such a vile place, Coulier was forced to issue a comment on the matter! Like he has nothing better do right now.