Jessica Biel Enjoys A Shower Meal, Fans Are Mad At LaMelo Ball & The Worst National Anthem Fails
It's my favorite week of the year.
No, not because "Dry January" is almost over (I don't participate anyway) or because I just really love the Pro Bowl Games.
This week is my favorite because it's my birthday week. And — now that I've been married almost a year — it's also my anniversary week. As our friend Mr. Pfizer would say...
Exhausting for my husband. An absolute hoot for me.
Tomorrow I turn 35.
Gasp. A woman just revealed her age! Honestly, I never understood the big fuss about that.
Here's how I look at it: Would Amber 15 years ago be excited if she saw Amber today? And the answer is a strong and resounding YES. She'd be pumped.
I'm hotter, smarter, stronger and have a lot more money than I did at 20. I'm married to an incredible man, I have a cool job, my friends and family are healthy. Hell, I even have the same dog, and she's as rambunctious now as she was in 2009.
And don't roll your eyes like that's some sort of brag. It certainly hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. In those 15 years, I've also been laid off from two jobs, experienced a God-awful relationship, felt like I hit rock bottom, lost loved ones and committed my own fair share of f-ck ups.
But I've busted my ass, and life, overall, has been good to me. So I'll wear my 35 years with pride — while I eat all the steak and drink all the bourbon at dinner tomorrow night.
Not that 35 is old, anyway. Hell, we've got Oprah out here running on the beach for her 70th birthday!
I will not be sharing a running video tomorrow, FYI. But if you'd like to watch me max out my deadlift, we can do that.
Just kidding — We don't film at the gym.
Anyway, now that I've openly reflected on my existence, I think we all deserve a celebratory drink.
Pop that bubbly. It's Nightcaps time!
Jessica Biel Eats In The Shower
I share a birthday with a superstar roster: Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Ernie Banks ...and maybe slightly-less-good-at-baseball Justin Timberlake.
So speaking of Justin, his wife is out here making stupid TikTok videos.
Jessica Biel says she likes to eat in the shower. In fact, she wants to start a "shower eating movement."
The actress offered some suggestions "shower-appropriate items," like yogurt, coffee, cereal and popsicles.
"Down the drain, anything drops, you're good."
She did give a warning, though: "The only tricky thing is when you’re chewing, you got to keep your mouth closed because I still like to get under the water while I’m chewing, and for whatever reason, I want to open my mouth at the same time and spit water."
Jesus Jessica, are you struggling for roles this badly?
I imagine she was just sitting around like, Well my husband is about to host 'Saturday Night Live' and release a new album. How can I go viral? I got it!
Who wants a blood orange?!
Look, there is simply no reason to eat in the shower. And I refuse to believe this is something she really does other than when she's looking for a headlining spot on Nightcaps.
You got it, boo. I loved you in 7th Heaven.
Now, on the other hand, let's talk about shower BEERS. In the hierarchy of best beers, the shower beer on a hot day goes right up there with:
The shower beer is ELITE.
But Jessica, let's just keep our cereal at the kitchen table where it belongs. This us just silly.
LaMelo Ball Dragged For Laughing During Blowout Loss
LaMelo Ball didn't play Monday night because of an ouchie on his ankle. Meanwhile, his Charlotte Hornets got blown out by the New York Knicks, 113-92. Oh, and coach Steve Clifford got ejected.
LaMelo, though, didn't seem to mind.
Throughout the game, the 2020 first-round draft pick was yukking it up on the bench with his buddies.
And fans, understandably, were upset. You pour your heart, soul and ticket/merchandise money into a team only for them not to care?
After all, they make their millions whether they win or not.
Still, Clifford defended Ball and his cronies, saying no one was more disappointed about the loss than they were.
"No matter what anybody says, our guys have done a good job of competing, working hard," he said to reporters. "To think that they're not serious or they don't care, I don't worry about that because I'm here."
"I've been around teams that aren't (serious). These guys are."
No One Does The National Anthem Like Chris Stapleton
And maybe there's a reason for that.
Chris Stapleton's rendition of the National Anthem at Super Bowl LVII last year in Arizona was one of the best we've seen in a long time — maybe ever.
One of my biggest pet peeves with anthem singers is when they try to make it all about themselves. They get up there and drag on with a bunch of runs and try to be cute with it. Stapleton did none of that. His version was soulful, sincere and stayed true to what the song actually stands for
Appearing recently on Audacy's Rob + Holly podcast, Stapleton explained how he prepared for his big Super Bowl performance — with the help of his wife.
"My wife was messing with me. There’s all these videos of people messing up, so she would find the people messing up the most and she would send me those," he said.
"I was like, 'Please don’t send me this because I’m going to get that in my head.'"
Talk about a good, supportive spouse. Sending you National Anthem fail videos before one of the biggest performances of your life.
She actually sounds really fun. I'd hang out with her.
But this got me thinking.
What are the worst performances of "The Star-Spangled Banner" that we've seen over the years?
Here are a few that come to mind. Send me yours at Amber.Harding@outkick.com.
Fergie at the 2018 NBA All-Star Game: Remember what I said about trying to do too much?
Michael Bolton at the 2003 ALCS: He forgot the words and had to read them off his hand.
Carl Lewis at a 1993 Bulls-Nets Game: Why did this even happen in the first place?
Roseanne Barr at a San Diego Padres game in 1990: I don't even need to explain what's wrong with this one.
More like Francis Scott OFF-Key, am I right?!
I'll see myself out.
Timothy Is A Real One For This
A couple weeks ago in my Womansplaining column, I shared a story about how I stupidly left my car running all night in my driveway.
Since then, OutKick readers have come through with their own boneheaded car stories, and, guys, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you. I feel way less alone now.
We all have our bonehead moments. Here's a hilarious one from Timothy.
I have a great story about a dumb thing I did that your story of leaving yours running overnight reminded me of. I once locked my keys in my car, with it running and IN REVERSE GEAR!
It was winter in MI and was attempting to back through just a bit of snow. Car got stuck and I hopped out and walked around the car to see where it was stuck and let the door shut behind me. Imagine the panic when I realized it was in gear! And the shame in my voice when I called a tow truck because I don't know how to pick the lock and had no spare keys with me.
Then since I was in very rural MI (the "Thumb") I had to sit there praying it didn't start moving backwards for the 30+ minutes it took for a truck to show up and save me since I was in the middle of nowhere.
Stuff That Made Me LOL
Just striving for this level of relaxation.
Tee-hee.
I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.
And if you’re a South Park fan, you already know what’s coming next.
Is this worse than a kid accidentally calling his teacher ‘mom’?
More treacherous than airplane stairs.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.