Jennifer Garner Gets Stuck In Elevator, Hawk Tuah Meets Bill Maher, Baby Bigfoot & All-You-Can-Eat Burgers

I'm still here, guys — buried in cheese curds, Spotted Cow and my mother-in-law's bomb-ass cooking up in the Wisconsin Northwoods.

But — because we love adventure and also because we don't want to return to Nashville 20 pounds heavier next week — my husband and I decided to head up to Michigan's Upper Peninsula for some hiking.

And y'all, where has this place been my whole life?! 

We spent my days off climbing around the Porcupine Mountains and sleeping on the shore of Lake Superior. Man, I'm not sure there's any better way to recover from a strenuous hike than gas station Miller Lites and a soak in a very-cold great lake — with one of the coolest sunsets I've ever seen. (I believe Joe Kinsey calls those "healing waters.")

Anyway, when we make the annual mother-in-law trip next year, we plan to explore more of the UP. I've already been told we have to check out the Apostle Islands and camp at Wilderness State Park (not at the same time because they are quite far apart). 

But if anyone has other suggestions for outdoor adventures and good beer/food in Wisconsin or Northern Michigan, send them my way. I'll file away those suggestions for next summer's road trip.

And with all that said, I think it's time we all kick back and unwind. Grab yourself a gas station beer (or whatever you can find) and let's get rolling. It's Nightcaps time!

Do We Have A Baby Bigfoot Sighting?

Before we set out to hike the Porkies, I was a little apprehensive. See, there's not a single physical challenge or hike that scares me. But bears? Bears scare me.

And upon researching the area, I read there are bears all over the UP and the Porcupine Mountains. There are also warning signs as you enter the trails. Black bears — thank goodness — not grizzlies. But one of those can still really ruin your day if you're unlucky enough to come across a cranky one.

Or, God forbid, a cub and its mama.

But I remembered the old saying, "If it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back." So I practiced making myself REALLY BIG (or as big as a 5-foot-2 female can get) and hollering "HEY BEAR!" to scare away potential predators.

I'm happy to report I did not have to put my bear spooking skills to the test. And, thankfully, we didn't find Bigfoot, either.

But someone might have!

It might surprise you to know there are Facebook groups dedicated to people searching for mythical forest creatures. Actually, that probably won't surprise you at all. Facebook is full of weirdos. But recently, a lady named Stephanie swears she found a Baby Bigfoot in the woods.

"We know what you're thinking. It’s Chaka from Land Of The Lost," she wrote in the Bigfoot Believers group.

"Our gut reaction to this photo is that it’s probably a short person in a costume, maybe a kid, right? But after analyzing it for a while, we’re not so sure anymore.

"Could this be a baby Sasquatch or one of those hairy little people that pop up in reports every now and then, which are described as ‘squatchlets’? One thing we know for sure is that the truth is truly stranger than fiction in more cases than not.

"Chaka or a Squatchlet? You decide."

Squatchlet. LOL. Anyway, I'm going to need to see more than a grainy, far away still photo before I'm convinced. Perhaps a grainy, far away video? Like this one of the alleged Loch Ness Monster:

Eoin O’Faodhagain, who claims to have seen the Loch Ness Monster more than two dozen times, regularly monitors the Visit Inverness Loch Ness webcams set up around the mysterious body of water (what a life). This particular sighting came from a webcam at the Clansman Hotel.

"I noticed two dark shapes moving in sequence with each other about 100 yards out into Loch Ness," he told the Mirror. "My heart jumped, and I was astonished at the length of what was coming into view. I thought this is truly an interesting and intriguing sighting, and visually clear.

"There are no known creatures in Loch Ness that are as large as 16 to 18 feet long. I am not given the impression it’s a fish species. And I imagine an eel — even a giant one — would be more flexible and wriggly, but this creature is more rigidly moving. That is why I think there is a lot more body underneath supporting it."

Call me a Debbie Downer, but I have to think that lake isn't that big. Surely they could send in a team of divers and scientists to scale Loch Ness and settle this thing once and for all.

But what would be the fun in that?

If you want to see a real-life sea creature, though, maybe just leave your Tesla parked in the driveway and wait for one to fall out of the sky!

Also, upon further review, Loch Ness is 755 feet deep. So I guess it would be kind of difficult to check the whole thing.

Moving on…

Jennifer Garner Gets Stuck In An Elevator

Jennifer Garner had quite the harrowing experience at San Diego Comic-Con over the weekend, and believe it or not, it had nothing to do with nerds in costumes.

The actress got stuck in an elevator! And Jennifer decided to capture snippets of the ordeal on video.

"Hey guys, we’re stuck on this elevator. I need, umm, I could use a Wolverine, I could use a Deadpool, I could use someone. Yeah, we’re looking for stairs. Okay… Thanks for having us here. My first Comic-Con. Bye for now," Jennifer Garner said in the first video which was time-stamped 2 minutes.

At that point, I thought this might be some publicity stunt announcing a new superhero movie. I can see it now: Marvel presents ELEVATOR MAN! Mysterious masked hero swoops in and saves people trapped in elevators. Just before they run out of oxygen, he uses his superhuman strength to pry open the doors and pull them to safety. His power is that he never gets claustrophobic, and he's not afraid of heights.

Listen, my pitch needs some work. But we're getting there.

Anyway, if it was a publicity stunt, she was really committed to the bit because she spent a whole hour in there, and even got slightly delirious around the 41.5-minute mark, as Jen and the rest of the stranded resorted to singing "99 Bottles of Beer."

Turns out, there was a hero at the end. But he was not a mysterious masked Marvel character. He was a fireman.

Hold your horses, George Strait, we'll get to you in a minute.

Frankly, as far as getting stuck in elevators goes, Jennifer's experience wasn't too awful. One time, I got stuck in an elevator for about 30 minutes, and it was dreadful.

Well, it was dreadful for everyone else. I had a good ol' time.

See, my best friend Aly and I were in my hometown of Indianapolis the day after Thanksgiving, getting ready to watch the tree lighting in Monument Circle. Some family of mine had a hotel suite overlooking the spectacle, and we were headed up.

And it is quite the holiday spectacle, by the way.

Thankfully, we hit the hotel bar first — because we had no idea what we were in for.

We crammed into the elevator with probably a dozen strangers (Fire Marshall would have been pissed) to head up to the top floor. Suddenly, we hear a loud CLUNK! Buttons won't work. Door won't open. We're stuck, baby.

See how Jennifer Garner had room to sit down and relax and breathe? We did not have that. Aly and I were crammed into the corner in a shoulder-to-shoulder moving bunker. We were already a little lit and had fresh glasses of wine. So we were probably more amused than we should have been — cracking ourselves up, attempting to lead sing-a-longs and telling knock-knock jokes.

Like this banger, for example: Knock-knock / Who's there? / Us, we're stuck in an elevator, help!

Needless to say, when those doors opened 30 minutes or so later, all those party poopers were pretty thrilled to get away from us.

And we missed the tree lighting, which was a real bummer.

Anyway, who's going to break the news to Jennifer Garner's daughter that she spent an hour in a not-so-well ventilated elevator without a mask?

Hawk Tuah Girl Schools Bill Maher On Country Music

OK, so I swore to myself several weeks ago that I was not going to fan the flames of the viral fame of Hawk Tuah Girl, Haliey Welch. We have plenty of more-than-capable writers at OutKick already feverishly covering that beat for you.

But after I saw this awkward interview Haliey did with Bill Maher, I had to chime in.

First of all, the fact that this nearly 70-year-old dude is interviewing a Gen-Zer famous only for a blow job joke is a little weird in itself. But we'll let that slide.

What I won't let slide is Maher's absolute disrespect for country music.

During the interview, he starts off OK — telling Haliey that he does like some country music, including Brooks & Dunn and Taylor Swift circa 2010. But then she mentions Keith Whitley, and he has no idea who that is.

You know, I'll actually forgive Bill for that. After all, as iconic as Whitley was in country music, he died 35 years ago, and I can see how a casual fan might not be super familiar.

(By the way, if you've never read the story of the day Keith Whitley died, you should look it up. Really sad. Really wild.)

Anyway, back to Hawk Tuah and Maher… and here's where it gets inexcusable. Amid all this country music talk, Haliey asked Bill about the King of Country Music himself, George Strait.

"Don’t know his work… I know enough about country to know he’s not the king of it," Maher responded. "George Strait? Of all the country stars, he’s the king? More than like, Garth Brooks?"

Bro, what? You "don't know his work"? George Strait has long been dubbed "The King of Country Music," and the man has 60 No. 1 hits. SIXTY NUMBER ONE HITS. Go educate yourself, Bill, you uncultured swine.

I haven't been this appalled since about five years ago, when I was bartending, and I discovered that none of my early-20s-something co-workers had ever heard of the "Thong Song." 

Except Sisqó and George Strait aren't even in the same universe.

Anyway, unlike the King of Country Music, I do fear Hawk Tuah girl's 15 minutes of fame is fading quickly. Look at this video from "Rock the South," where she attempted to hype up the crowd and… crickets.

That's OK, though. Congrats to Haliey on hitting the Internet lottery — even if only briefly. Respect.

Woman Attempts To Break Cheeseburger Record

If you're into tiny women who eat a lot of food, boy do I have the influencer for you.

Competitive eater Katina DeJarnett has garnered a huge following on YouTube (around 800K) and TikTok (1.2 million) by posting videos of her scarfing down ungodly amounts of grub. At 126 pounds, she can down a staggering 16,000 calories a day — everything from burritos and donuts to cheeseburgers to pizza.

It's a remarkable sight to behold:

For Katina's latest challenge, she went to Jack Brown’s in Nashville's Germantown neighborhood. Jack Brown’s is a local chain in Tennessee, serving up 100% American Wagyu beef specialty burgers. Plus, they have tons of beers on tap and deep-fried Oreos. If you've never been, I can't recommend it enough.

Jack Brown’s keeps track of eating records at its own restaurants, and the cheeseburger record for 2024 was 15 (set by Will Morse). The all-time cheeseburgers record at Jack Brown’s is a whopping 21 cheeseburgers (set by "Hungry" Hazzard).

I can't eat one (delicious) cheeseburger and fries basket from Jack's without feeling like a worthless tub of lard, so I am wildly impressed by these athletic specimens.

Can Katina down 16 for the 2024 record? Let's find out:

Never doubted you for a second, girlfriend.

Stuff I Liked

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.