Jennifer Aniston Strikes A Yoga Pose That Buckles Knees, New 'Masters Girl' ID'd & China Hates Snow White, Too
Middle Friday of April? Masters Moving Day tomorrow? Less than two weeks till the NFL Draft? MLB in full swing? Economy … teetering?
OK, forget that last one. But everything else? Buddy, we are in the THICK of it right now – and the Libs let us get here unscathed once again this week. Dummies! While they spent all week trying to figure out how to get the Chinese flag in their bios, us sane Americans kept our heads down and locked the hell in.
And now? Now, we get to enjoy another big weekend. Let's get after it.
Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we're all reminded that Jennifer Aniston still very much has her fastball at 56. You'll see why – and how – in a minute.
What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded weekend of #content, US Amateur Jose Luis Ballester's girlfriend visits class for the first time, and Luka's mom had a big night in Dallas.
Oh yeah! WNBA MAGA Barbie Sophie Cunningham may pop in with a quick heater, too! We'll see.
Grab you an Azalea to celebrate Masters weekend, and settle in for a Friday 'Cap!
The golf purists are pissed at Jose Luis Ballester
You know what's in an Azalea – the unofficial drink of this golf tournament? Vodka (or gin), pineapple juice, lemon juice, and some grenadine. There. You're welcome. I'd prefer a simple Busch Light, but I understand this tourney has standards.
Speaking of … the fake outrage over this Jose Luis Ballester for A) wearing an upside-down hat, and B) pissing in Rae's Creek is unreal. Seriously, Golf Twitter is pissed at this dude, and it's so insufferable.
Oh no, someone peed in our holy water! It's forbidden! Nail him to the cross! Hang him in the streets! Death penalty!
Shut up. He peed in a creek between shots. Get over yourselves. Frankly, this is why I like the US Open better. I get it. This weekend is all about the views, and the elegance, and the honor … blah, blah, blah. Hogwash. Spare me.
This is America. We're trashy here. We're currently waging war with China. We piss in ponds, wear goofy hats, and have smokeshow girlfriends.
It's called the American Dream, buddy. Leave Jose alone.
PS: Girlfriend, I said?
What a week of #content!
Welcome to the show, Hayden Riley James! This is how we jump into a big weekend at The Masters. Forget the leaderboard. I want the off-the-course drama – like the internet tracking down the next big Masters star.
I think Hayden is in for a big few days here. Let's see how she attacks it. Jose making the cut wouldn't hurt, either, but, um … I wouldn't count on that. He's gonna need to go LOW to make it, and I don't see that happening. We'll see.
Anyway, let's get to the #content from the week. I'm thinking the ongoing trade war should lead us off.
Trump – thoughts on the commies over in China not being able to watch Snow White this weekend?
More Masters, reader mail, Jen & Sophie!
Another big week! This one was easy for everyone. Not exactly a quiet week in the US of A, haven't you heard?!
Couple thoughts …
1. Jon Rahm … remember when that dude was the best player in the world? The spiral is insane. Tough to completely blame LIV seeing as Bryson has only gotten better since jumping ship, but still …
2. Kristi Noem's cosplay character arc this year has been unexpected. Not sure it's great. I will say, I do think MS-13-hunting Kristi is the winner, despite her unique gun-holding technique.
3. Josh Johnson's longevity in the NFL will be studied for generations.
4. Luka's mom? Luka's MOM! Finally, some good NBA content.
5. Jim Nantz's voice on ESPN airwaves? Weird. Unnatural. Un-American.
Let's stick with Jimbo – and the rest of the crew on hand for this weekend's tournament – as we kick off the rapid-fire portion of the day!
My God. I mean, what are we doing here? I don't want this to turn into an anti-Masters class, because I obviously love this tournament, but the bullshittery that comes out of that place sometimes is absurd.
Not being able to call them fans is truly dumb. At least the backside thing has an ounce of reasoning behind it (mainly for immature guys like me), but not being allowed to say "fans" is silly. Say it, Jim! I dare you! Call their bluff!
Next? Let's quickly check the mail before we get on outta here for the week. Been a while, and we have a first-time caller!
Welcome to class, Gen X Warren, from Florida:
Zach,
Excellent work on nightcaps! I grew up in South Florida, and still live here, and really all we had until the 90s was the Miami Dolphins during the excellent Dan Marino era and the University of Miami.
I grew up watching the Atlanta Braves on TBS, and then the Marlins started in 1993. When they made that World Series run, my parents were able to go to game seven when they won it all against Cleveland.
But for my money, I think the 2003 Florida Marlins are still my favorite. They had one playoff appearance since then. I think it was in 2020 or 2021. Pathetic.
Ps- Cigar City Florida Man and Jai Alai are two other local beers to check out, and anything from Civil Society. I think they may have cans in your area.
Thanks, Gen X Warren!
All the Marlins talk stems from Wednesday's class, where the Jupiter Hammerheads gave us the most pathetic stat in the history of baseball:
See? Gross.
Anyway, I do agree that the 2003 Marlins were an absolute unit. Pudge, Juan Pierre and Mike Lowell in the lineup? Josh Beckett and Dontrelle in the rotation? What a team.
PS: We DO have Cigar City Florida Man here in Central Florida, and he's right, they are very good. Veteran call.
Let's go ahead and empty the rapid-fire tank with MAGA Barbie Sophie Cunningham, shall we?
Jennifer Aniston takes us into Masters weekend
Nothing like the MAGA Barbie in a bikini in front of a VW Van to take us into a big second weekend of April. WNBA season is almost here, too! I can feel the buzz all the way down here!
Or, perhaps, it's this Azalea I've been nursing since 2 p.m. (allegedly, of course).
OK, let's end the week with a limber Jennifer Aniston. It's only fair.
See you Monday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You good with the Rae's Creek piss or no? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.