Jennifer Aniston Covers Up With Only Her Hair, Insufferable ESPN Show Finally Axed & It's Time To Eject Umps

Second-final-hump of May? Let's make it COUNT, boys and girls. It's crunch time. Summer is nearly here. It's been at least 97 degrees every single day in Central Florida for about 10 days now. I haven't felt a breeze in weeks. We're living in an oven down here, but we're built for it.

Hell, I golfed yesterday. By the second hole, I was already bringing towels up to the tee box with me. I slugged down High Noons like they were water. Shot 45. Only played nine. Probably for the best. Passed out like a Grizzly before 11 last night. 

Anyway, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we frolic in a bunch of hair with Jennifer Aniston, and go from there. 

What else? I've got JordOn and Bill vs Linda Holliday and the Island of Nantucket, insufferable Sarah Spain asking the dumbest question imaginable, and I have a proposal for umpires who get a little trigger-happy with their ejections moving forward. I think it's a solid one. You'll see. 

OK, grab you a beer on draft from your local dive bar – pour it out for Norm – and then grab you another one as we dive into a Hump Day 'Cap!

An ode to Norm

God, that one hurt. Some celebrity deaths hit harder than others, and losing Norm yesterday was a real kick in the dick.

If you're a Gen-Zer in today's class, you have no idea who Norm is/was. Admittedly, I didn't really know George Wendt. I only knew ‘Norm.' He was part of my childhood. 

I grew up with my mom making dinner in the kitchen, re-watching old episodes of Cheers on the tiny box TV on the counter. We had every season on DVD. It's where I was first introduced to that beautiful show, and I watched it again with my wife about a year into our marriage. 

So simple. Such a great time for TV. It was Friends before Friends. Hell, it was Seinfeld before Seinfeld. It was so successful, it's probably the only sitcom ever to spin off another sitcom that was equally successful (Frasier, duh). 

It launched Woody Harrelson's career. Ted Danson was a star. Still is. Coach. Cliff. Diane. Rebecca. Such a loaded cast. 

But Norm was the best. The most relatable. A guy's guy. We don't really get iconic TV characters nowadays. Maybe we're just in a lull right now. Maybe we'll never get back to that age. 

But we'll always have Norm. Does Cheers still hold up today? I have no clue. Maybe a Gen-Zer can let us all know? 

"What’s shakin’, Norm?"

"All four cheeks and a couple of chins."

Goodnight, everybody. 

Let's stay in the northeast while we're here

Yep, still holds up. Forget I ever asked! 

The best. 

OK, let's cut the sappy crap and get to the good stuff – like JordOn Hudson and Linda Holliday coming to blows on Nantucket last Christmas. 

That's according to boots on the ground at the Dreamland Movie Theater, where Linda hosted a little shindig during last December's Stoll weekend. 

Bill was there. JordOn was there. JordOn's friend was there. And all hell apparently broke loose:

Holliday's daughters – Ashley and Kat Hess – were DJing the bash. According to a Dreamland incident report, at around 9:30 PM, Holliday contacted an event official with a Hudson-related issue.

The documents state Holliday was upset by the presence of Belichick's current girlfriend ... believing it was "inappropriate, since the event was widely advertised as a party headlined by her daughters."

"She asked that I remove Ms. Hudson from the premises," the official wrote in the report.

A short time later, according to the documents, Holliday was seen on security video confronting Hudson with a few of her friends right in the middle of a dance floor -- where roughly 200 people were partying.

The documents state as the Dreamland official approached the scene, Holliday and her friends "backed away" as the person questioned Hudson.

Nope. Don't like that one bit. Hey, Linda – you're free to piss all the way off. It's a free country. Drop the snobby Nantucket attitude and act like an adult. 

I know Linda's type. I'm a Nantucket guy. Got married there (wanted to at the Dreamland, oddly enough, but couldn't make it work). Worked many summers there. Catered to the 1%. Trust me, I've dealt with Linda before. 

And that's why I'm #TeamJordOn through and through. Linda apparently wasn't done, either, later threatening JordOn's Miss Mass 2024 friend, Melissa Sapini. 

Witch!

Bye-Bye Around the Horn & a proposition for terrible umpires

After being reminded there were only a few minutes remaining in the party, Hudson agreed to leave – but as she and Sapini were walking out, the event staffer stated Hudson told them Holliday, who has ties to the pageant world, threatened Sapini while they were on the dance floor.

She said Holliday told Sapini if she "valued her current title, she should think twice about who her friends are."

Holliday allegedly added that she "had many powerful friends in the pageant organization."

You see why Bill left this chick, right? Everyone wants to point the finger at JordOn. She ain't the problem. This Linda Holliday and all of her socialite Nantucket friends are the problem. 

If I were JordOn, I'd stick to the Chicken Box on Monday nights this summer, and she'd be just fine. She'd be a star there. Don't give these lunatics an INCH. They don't own the island. The only reason Linda's there is because she basically took over Bill's $5 million home like a squatter after the separation. Don't be fooled. 

Chin up, JordOn! We're in this together. 

OK, couple rapid-fire quickies on the way out. First up? Let's all pour one out for Around the Horn today as that insufferable show finally comes to an end later this week on ESPN. 

Gee, I wonder why?

Hell, I don't know, Sarah – what do YOU think? Of course it was canceled because of how insufferably woke and progressive it had become! No shit. 

Now, ESPN won't admit that they're scared of being called woke, but they are. They didn't used to be, but it was also a cool, hip thing for a few years in this country. 

Not anymore. The ratings, clearly, reflected that. 

So piss off, Around the Horn. Piss off Sarah. Piss off Jemele. Piss off Kate Fagan, whoever you are. Good riddance. 

Finally, let's check in with Walker Buehler and the Red Sox from last night's big win over the Mets:

Take us home, Jennifer Aniston!

So, here's my proposal …

When an umpire ejects a pitcher – or a batter – over balls and strikes, I want it to be reviewed. And if replay shows that the umpire was wrong, I want him ejected. Thrown out. Tossed to the wolves. Donezo. 

That was some BS last night. I had the game on during dinner, and couldn't believe what I was watching. For starters, it was a strike. Clear as day. I was a catcher for 15 years. Don't give me the ‘well, the catcher messed it up!’ excuse. That's nonsense. That's not true. That's not the right call. 

And how about this lunatic ump taking his mask off and just walking towards the mound? Who does that? Unbelievably instigative. Umps are trained to defuse situations, not escalate them. 

So, in the future, I want this call reviewed, and then I want this psycho tossed from his own game. 

The old Cheers bar is a couple T-stops away. He can get there in plenty of time for a beer, and think about the bullshit he just pulled. 

And that, boys and girls, is how you bring a class full circle. 

Take us home, Jen. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Thoughts on Around the Horn? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.