Jeff Bezos' New $500M Yacht Appears To Have A Figurehead Dedicated To His Girlfriend Lauren Sanchez

What a week it's been for horny Jeff Bezos, the Bad Boy of Online Retail.

First, he finally took delivery of his new $500 million superyacht that checks in at a stunning 417 feet long. Then came the photos of Bad Boy Jeff, 59, walking around on the ship showing off his chiseled chest while having a pec-off with girlfriend Lauren Sanchez, 53, who is also known as Tony Gonzalez's baby mama.

Then came the news late Thursday that Jeff's new yacht might even have a figurehead dedicated to 53-year-old Lauren, who is a Mazzerati compared to Jeff's ex-wife, MacKenzie Scott, who is more of a 2002 Kia Optima.

I'll save all of us some time here: YES, THE FIGUREHEAD IS THE LOVELY LAUREN AND HER HUGE RACK LEADING THE WAY ACROSS THE OCEAN IN JEFF'S BOAT.

I can't even believe this is up for debate.

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and girlfriend Lauren Sanchez pictured relaxing on his new $500M superyacht in Mallorca, Spain. Jeff and Lauren were seen enjoying their time on his luxury yacht for the first time after the massive structure was delivered. The pair sailed around Mallorca and stopped at a small bay but neither one got off appearing to prefer to stay aboard and who can blame them? The couple were in top form with the Amazon head showing off his VERY FIT body in shorts and a loose short sleeve. Lauren meanwhile showed off her equally fit body in a pink bikini. via Cobra-Dunes / Backgrid

Hey morons, Jeff's rich. He turns 60 in January. Lauren made him feel like a real man for the first time in his life. Just look at how this guy walks around like he has a permanent erection. Lauren deserves full credit for that. Imagine how miserable Jeff was living with that pain-in-the-ass ex-wife of his.

How do we know she was a drag and a pain in the ass? Jeff paid her $38.3 BILLION to hit the road.

That's right, Jeff paid Mackenzie the price of 76.6 yachts to GTFO.

Then, he hooks up with Lauren, who knows she's a cherry red Corvette and knows how to live the cherry red Corvette lifestyle and Jeff's brain was blown away. He packs on a bunch of muscle, gets swole, shaves the head, starts wearing aviator sunglasses, walks around with a permanent erection and seems to be a guy who has packed more sex into the past 3-4 years than he'd ever had in his life.

You're damn right Lauren gets a figurehead dedicated in her honor.

Would it be shocking to someday hear that Jeff has naked murals of Lauren in the master bedroom aboard the yacht? Absolutely not.

Would it be shocking if Jeff suddenly starts driving a 1978 Trans-Am with a mural of Lauren and her massive pecs on the hood?

Absolutely not.

And it should be applauded. Every bit of it.

Horny Jeff Bezos should be all of us. You should get busy living within your own budget. If that means picking up a 1976 Donzi Classic 18-footer, applying the Hawaiian Tropic and hitting the local sandbar to crush margs and chase some tail, then so be it.

Go be your own version of Bad Boy Jeff Bezos.

Jeff Bezos opens his Koru sailboat on the coast of Mallorca, with several friends, his partner Lauren Sanchez takes the opportunity to take pictures dressed in a small bikini. via Joan Llado / GTres / SplashNews.com

Jeff Bezos opens his Koru sailboat on the coast of Mallorca, with several friends, his partner Lauren Sanchez takes the opportunity to take pictures dressed in a small bikini. Joan Llado / GTres / SplashNews.com