Jaguars Use Sex Positions To Unveil Their 2025 Schedule

Someone was extra horny for the 2025 NFL season in Duval Wednesday night. They're all revved up in Jacksonville, baby! 

Travis Hunter? Trevor Lawrence? The new coach who says ‘Duuuuuuvvvvval’ like a weirdo? Things are looking UP for the Jags this season. 

Which is why everyone was fired up for the big schedule release this week. 

Now, I love the NFL's schedule release day. Some hate it. I don't. I love scrolling the internet and finding all the leaks hours before the reveal. I love seeing how many games my terrible Dolphins will lose in primetime this year (5). 

Only the NFL can get us all talking about … a schedule … in May. It's why Roger Goodell has all wrapped around his finger. 

Anyway, back to the Jaguars …

They posted two release videos on Wednesday: one that hit all the social media channels, and another that was reserved for TikTok only. 

This is the TikTok reveal – with some help from Sabrina Carpenter!

Jaguars set the tone for 2025 with Sabrina Carpenter

Nothing like starting your season with missionary peddling or reverse cowgirl! 17-0 season incoming for the fellas in Duval. 

How could you not when you bring in Sabrina Carpenter – the horniest singer alive right now – to reveal you're opening the year with the Carolina Panthers? You have to win that game now. You can't get us all horned up with the horniest song on the internet, and then let us down after five minutes come Week 1. 

And yes, for those of you who don't know – and that's most of you – this song by Sabrina Carpenter, Juno, is all about being horny as hell. 

Frankly, it's what she's most known for – performing it on stage, and then getting into some sort of obscure sex position after she says the line: "Wanna try out some freaky positions? / Have you ever tried this one?"

After that, she just starts doing sex things on stage. Sometimes it's missionary. Sometimes it's the weird bicycle one, although I'm not sure how that works in bed. 

There's also the backbend, which y'all can probably figure out, and Reverse Cowgirl – an American classic! 

You name it, Sabrina's probably illustrated it on stage. She even recently rocked the internet by doing the Eiffel Tower. 

(Again, y'all can figure that out on your own time – and on your own computers. I'd suggest Incognito mode, but that's just me.)

And now, she's kicking off the 2025 Jaguars season with all of her raunchy moves. Don't know what to make of this move by the Jags' social media team, but I don't think I despise it. My first inclination was to piss on it, but it's not the worst thing in the world. 

Sure, the account may be run by a bunch of Gen-Z women, but whatever. It's TikTok. What do you expect? There are worse ways to start a day – and a season – than by watching Sabrina Carpenter get in a side-dog position. 

PS: Looks like the Jags were using Sabrina's outfit colors to correspond to the team(s) they're set to play this season. Except the Titans, who were instead illustrated by Sabrina doing reverse cowgirl and using her hand as a whip. Nashville, baby!