Jac Cordeiro & A-Rod Date Night, Falcons Hit The Water Park, Ludacris On A Glacier & Juvenile Vs. American Air
Well, well, we meet again.
Thank you to everyone who sent me scary movie recommendations after reading yesterday's Nightcaps — especially Rick G. who sent me some old-school flicks from the ‘70s and early ’80s (before my time, you know).
I look forward to terrifying myself for absolutely no reason over the next couple of months.
But, y'all, I saw something this morning that was scarier than any monster movie. Riders on the Sky Screamer at Six Flags Mexico were stuck — while hanging by cables 250 feet off the ground — during a violent thunderstorm that was pelting them with heavy rain, wind and hail.
The Sky Screamer is a real dozy even in good weather conditions. According to the Six Flags website, "You’re sitting in a swing chair, dangling loose 24 stories up, getting hurled around in a 98-foot circle at nearly highway speeds."
Now stall the ride and add some severe weather, and that thrill ride quickly becomes a panic attack ride.
So listen, guys, I really hope your week is off to a good start. But even if it's not, I'm here to tell you it could always be worse: You could be suspended 250 feet in the air, fearing for your life and getting pelted in the face with golf ball-sized hail.
See, life is all about perspective!
Now let's all have a drink to celebrate not being in that sticky situation. Pour one up and kick back. It's Nightcaps time!
Jac Cordeiro & A-Rod Have A Date Night… Sort Of
Alex Rodriguez's fitness instructor girlfriend Jac Cordeiro took to Instagram Monday evening to share her "date night" fit. She posted a video of herself striking a few poses in a little black dress — slit just about as far as public decency laws will allow — platform sandals, aviator sunglasses and wrists full of gold jewelry.
She tagged designer Tom Ford in the post, which means Jac dropped at least $2,500 on that little dress, probably more.
So what did she get all fancied up for? Maybe a romantic dinner? A show? An uppity gala or charity function?
Nah… just to sit on a dock and watch the Yankees-Nationals game on an iPad.
Now do not get me wrong: Relaxing on a dock at sunset, sipping a cocktail and watching a game sounds like an absolutely delightful way to spend a Monday evening. This is a whole vibe.
But given Jac's outfit and the way she got all dolled up and posted about it, I get the idea that she had different expectations for this particular date night.
A-Rod was probably all, "Hey baby, I'm picking you up at 6. It's gonna be a great night."
So she makes herself look stunning. And then he rolls up in his shorts, T-shirt and Yankees ballcap, and he's like, "We'll grab some Chinese takeout on the way, got Cortes on the mound tonight."
Womp.
Social media had some fun with it, though.
Karl Lagerfeld, a late fashion designer who took over Chanel after Coco died, once said: "One is never over-dressed or under-dressed in a little black dress."
It's a rule we women have followed for decades. But I'd argue this is a rare exception.
Kyle Pitts Plays It Safe At Falcons Water Park Day
Yesterday I discussed how it is difficult to respect summer when it's hotter than the devil's butthole outside and all you want to do is curl up in a hoodie and watch football with a fall candle burning. (What can I say? I'm equal parts tomboy and basic bitch. It's called balance.)
Anyway, the Atlanta Falcons have found a way both to beat the heat and to respect summer: A water park day!
Head coach Raheem Morris surprised the Dirty Birds by taking them to Margaritaville’s Fins Up Water Park in Buford, Ga., last week — both as a break from the grind of Training Camp and to celebrate QB Kirk Cousins' 36th birthday.
For a day, all these big tough football players got to be kids again. And may we all be lucky enough sometime soon to experience the same unbridled joy as Kirk Cousins on a water slide.
But, of course, no one can have fun anymore without the Internet finding something to ridicule them about.
The picture of several players in the wave pool went viral on Twitter / X yesterday after some troll pointed out that tight end Kyle Pitts was wearing a life jacket.
This particular troll was trying to implicate some sort of racial stereotype that black people can't swim. And then in the replies, he kept saying, "The jokes write themselves!" Except they apparently don't because then he proceeded to spell out the joke at least a dozen times.
Aside from the fact that plenty of other black players in the photo AREN'T wearing life vests, I'm going to go ahead and defend Kyle Pitts here:
- Some people aren't strong swimmers, OK?! I'm one of those people. In fact, I still have to hold my nose when I go underwater. Embarrassing.
- Even if you are a strong swimmer, who wants to waste energy treading water for however long in the middle of NFL Training Camp?
- Mind your own business.
So good for you for being safe, Kyle. You can just lie back and float while all those other suckers are swimming for their lives.
Unfortunately, though, not everyone is as smart as Kyle when it comes to water safety.
Ludacris Sips Some Fresh Glacier Water
Ludacris played a show in Alaska over the weekend, so he decided to be a tourist and take in some of the sights while he was there. I certainly don't blame him. I've always wanted visit Alaska… go hiking, see some wildlife, freeze my ass off while staring at the Northern Lights!
One thing I wouldn't do, though, is voluntarily drink some water full of ancient parasites. And this is where Ludacris and I differ.
On Monday, the rapper posted a video to Instagram of himself in front of a glacier. Luda explained that he had never tasted water directly from a glacier and couldn't leave without trying it.
"So Good It Tastes Like GOD Made It," Ludacris captioned the video. "Well, Because He Did."
He sure did, Luda. God also made all the nasty little organisms floating around in the water.
According to Nature World News, glaciers harbor bacteria, parasites, microorganisms and even human fecal matter that have remained frozen for YEARS. When the glaciers melt, these things can survive in the water that the glaciers leave behind. That includes so-called "zombie viruses" that have been frozen for thousands of years.
Also, water bears. And maybe even those hokey-pokey socially advanced water bears from South Park!
Fortunately, Luda is still alive after his ill-advised water tasting. At least for now.
He posted an update Monday night to ensure fans of his safety.
"For everyone asking me how that glacier water really tasted, when I tell y'all — I'm a water snob — it was the best-tasting water I've ever had in my life," he said. "As I drank it, I felt like every cell in my human body was being hydrated and rejuvenated at the same damn time. I had the greatest show in Alaska after that."
Hope it's worth it when you spend the next two weeks on the toilet, Luda.
Juvenile Versus American Airlines
While we're on the subject of rappers past their prime, Juvenile is in an all-out war with American Airlines after they booted him out of first class on a flight to Dallas last week.
By the way, this guy is 49 years old — his stage name doesn't really suit him anymore. Even Lil' Bow Wow dropped the "Lil'" when he was 15 years old. So I'm going to call Juvenile by his government name, Terius Gray.
Terius and his wife were already seated in first class when a flight attendant approached him and said that his ticket had been downgraded. So Terius pulled out his phone and began livestreaming. (Maybe the "Juvenile" monicker is more of a maturity thing than an age thing.)
"I'm a celebrity," Juvenile said. "There's going to be repercussions."
Look, I could have sympathy for the guy. But once you pull the "I'm a celebrity" card, you lose me. My guy, you do not get preferential treatment over another paying customer just because you had a hit song 25 years ago. Fly private or get over yourself.
Apparently, what happened was that American had to change planes at the last moment, and the new flight happened to have fewer first-class seats. Therefore, the computer randomly selected who had to downgrade, and Juvenile was the unlucky winner.
So that flight attendant said, "Back that ass up to coach, Juvie!"
Just kidding. I'm certain the flight attendant did not say that. But that would have been hilarious.
So is this a sh*tty situation? Sure. And I can't pretend I'd be thrilled about it either if I were in his shoes. But I'd reluctantly take the coach seat — after negotiating a refund and a first-class voucher for my next flight, of course. If I'm going to be inconvenienced, at least make it worth my while.
But that's not what our friend Terius did. Instead, he threw a tantrum and got off the plane.
"I’m gon’ get off the plane. I’m not gon’ let y’all disrespect me. I’m not gon’ let y’all choose me out of all the people on the plane to disrespect me," he said on the livestream.
So he created even more hassle for himself by getting off the plane and re-booking on another airline. Juvenile says he's flying Southwest from now on.
Wait ‘til he finds out Southwest doesn’t even have first class. Maybe they'll give him some extra drink coupons, though.
Since HE'S A CELEBRITY!
Let's open the mailbag.
Tom From Atlanta Sends Us This Monstrosity From Across The Pond
Hey, was reading up on the mayo debate and thought I would send you a picture from Italy, in the Marche region on the calf of the boot around a town called Pesaro, where my company was founded. Also from there was a famous composer, Gioachino Rossini. In this region, they have a pizza named the Rossini after the composer, and it is a regular cheese pizza with hard-boiled eggs and mayo. I have attached a picture.
I did try it without barfing, and had to say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but one slice means I will never have to eat it again (2x in China I had to eat sea cucumber). And no, the Italians didn't have Dukes or Hellman's...it's homemade most restaurants, which seems better? Enjoy, and Go Dawgs!
I'm calling the polizia.
(Credit: Tom from Atlanta)
John D. Makes A Good Point:
Notice there's no mayo in the condiment cow.
Amber:
The mayo udder may have looked a little too realistic, I fear.
Patrick M. Once Tailgated With Strippers:
The story about Robert and the stripper reminded me of my tailgate spot a few years ago.
We had been parking at the same spot for years with little excitement outside the normal grilling mishaps, peeing outside in a city with passersby, etc.
All that changed one day when a easy up and some scantily clad ladies set up shop. Wouldn't take long before we realized they were probably part of the easy-down crowd... they pulled out another carry case and my buddy says, "I bet that's a stripper pole." Me being way too cheap to frequent the dollar store thought WTF, is that a thing?
Sure enough, out came a portable stripper pole and more excitement than we imagined possible. Mostly because one of the ladies was a bit too big for scaling to the top of the pole and the fun (and her) came crashing down shortly after the summit. She was a trooper and got right off the ground, but not so bold to test fate again. Probably good as my first aid kit wasn't prepared for that.
Here's the picture as evidence this isn't complete BS... I'm not near creative enough to make this up. I still feel unclean just having shared the parking lot...
Amber:
Did it look something like this?
Stuff I Liked:
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.