Italian Soccer Girl Giusy Meloni Heats Up A Beach, Kay Adams In Full Pads & Olympian Angela Carini Is A Winner

Whew. What a day. Here I was, thinking I was gonna coast through the first day of August and right into the first football game of the year, when some girl in Paris with XY & Z chromosomes swoops in and demolishes everything. 

Unreal. Talk about a twist. Somehow, I became OutKick's lead investigator this morning on that sh--tshow that took place in the Olympics. By now you all know the story – Lord knows you do if you've read OutKick today – so I won't rehash it. 

But imagine my surprise when I woke up around 6:50 this morning, pulled up Twitter, and saw this:

I mean, when you start your day like that, you know you're gonna be in for a wild little ride. And buddy, we were ON ONE this morning at OutKick HQ. Who is this chick? Is she an actual chick? What's an X chromosome? What's a Y chromosome? Am I even spelling chromosome correctly?

A lot of questions. Not a ton of answers, beyond this one: I'm all in on Italian boxer Angela Carini. She deserved better. She's #OurWinner. And, of course, she's got a loaded Instagram page. 

She'll join today's class and get a lifetime pass, because we respect real women around here. 

On that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we go to war with Angela, and then hit the beaches of Mexico with Lexi Hull. 

What a day!

I've also got Kay Adams in full-blown Jets gear, Italian soccer reporter Giusy Meloni making sure summer stays put even though football starts tonight, and – speaking of football! – I've got a trip down HOF Game Memory Lane all planned out for the class. 

You are welcome! 

Grab you a first-football-night-of-the-season beer and settle in for a XYZ 'Cap!

You ever tried to handle a crisis while potty-training a toddler?

OK, so – obviously the big story today is what came out of Paris this morning. A boxer, who has been accused of posing as a woman in the past and stripped of titles, beating the crap out of an actual female boxer in the opening round of the Olympics. 

I can't keep rehashing it because I think I've written 800 stories on it today from 800 different angles, so I won't. You know it by now. I know it. We all know it. 

But, we have to at least bring it up in today's class …

You ever had to handle something at home while potty-training your toddler? That's what I've been dealing with all day, and it's been a whirlwind. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be. Neither did my wife, who is 37 weeks pregnant as of today. 

You can't leave the house. You can't really take your eyes off of them. Your head is constantly on a swivel. You have to ask them no less than 1200 times an hour: ‘do you feel like you have to pee?’ 

I didn't realize teaching someone how to properly poop was going to be such a Herculean task. I honestly think climbing Everest would be easier. It would certainly be more peaceful. 

Anyway, trying to juggle that all morning, along with the boxing stuff, and a pregnant wife, was probably my Everest. I'm pooped, and I just wish my toddler would. 

And that's all the boxing talk we'll have in today's class. Well, we'll also show proper respect to Angela Carini, because we appreciate real winners around here:

OK, it's finally NFL time, strap in

Welcome to class, Angela! The history books we use around here will always acknowledge you as an Olympic gold medalist!

OK, let's leave Paris and head back to the states (thank God), because … we have real NFL football tonight! 

That's right. Fine, yes – it's the Hall of Fame game, otherwise known as the game we all get hyped about but then never, ever actually watch. But whatever. Real players (sort of), real pads, real action. 

So what if a lot of the guys playing tonight will be selling you insurance in a few weeks? So what if it's a glorified DII college football game? Don't care. Can I bet it? I can?! Then I'm watching. Let's roll. 

OK, it's finally NFL time, strap in … with Kay Adams

God, I love this time of year. It's still just bonkers to me that the Titans chose to break out that play in the most meaningless football game of the year. Hilarious. 

We can either save it for a moment that matters later in the year, or use it tonight against a bunch of future bank tellers. What do you think, coach?

By the way, the over/under for tonight's game is currently sitting at 31.5!!!!! That's Iowa football stuff right there. You ready to hammer some overs? I am. Let's GET IT. You can't win ‘em all if you don’t win the first one!

PS: another underrated play from this game? THIS one:

Bet you didn't have a Jeremy Shockey reference on your Bingo cards today, did you? Remember, we zig, they zag. Don't you forget it!

I wouldn't be surprised, however, if a couple of you had Kay Adams on your card, though:

Lexi Hull, Giusy Meloni and Olympic speedwalking!

Queen Kay is dialed in for the Hall of Fame game, which means you all should be dialed in for the Hall of Fame game. Simple math. 

I'd take Kay over any shady Olympic boxer out there! Easy money. 

OK, rapid-fire time on this beyond chaotic first-Thursday-of-August. First up? Let's check in with my new favorite Olympic event … speedwalking!!!!

Buddy, I'm all in. That came on this morning as my daughter and I were sitting in the living room going over the ins and outs of shitting on a potty, and we were both immediately entranced. Couldn't stop watching. 

And by the way … speed walking? Deceptively hard to do. Frankly, it's way harder than actually jogging. Go ahead, try it tonight. I dare you. 

Two more on the way out! We'll start with Caitlin Clark's teammate, Lexi Hull, dominating her two-week summer vacation in Mexico:

What a run for Caitlin Clark and Co. Absolutely dominant. Caitlin gets all the glory, but Lexi Hull is quickly carving out a name for herself. 

Can't wait for the Fever to be back in action in a few weeks!

Whew. OK, I'm out. Can't do it anymore. Frankly, I'm surprised I made it this long. What a day. 

Take us home, Italian soccer reporter Giusy Meloni. Lord knows we need you today. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You betting on tonight's game? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.