Hot Cop Haley Drew Wins A Big Award From Her Sheriff's Department, Tank Scores A TD & Chris Patton Is Back
Spring has sprung for the Thursday Night Mowing League
Yes, I know there's still snow on the ground where some of you live. I have a mowing league to run and it could be snowing until mid-May for some of you. I can't wait that long. We have shirts and polos to sell and a national champion mower of the year to crown.
I'll have more in the coming weeks on what to expect from the 2025 season, but I can reveal that, for the first time in the history of the league, there will be a voting committee for the national mower of the year award.
There will also be a new TNML lifetime achievement award. More on that to come.
The energy for the new season is palpable.
May we never forget the emotional reaction from Dustin Fink back in October after learning he was the 2024 Thursday Night Mowing League National Champion.
THIS is what you're playing for this year. Will you be able to hang a banner when all is said and done?
— Myron B. in the UP of Michigan writes:
Read with interest your efforts to prepare for patio and mowing season. Here in the UP we had another postponement. Not of bbq season. Smoked burgers Saturday night.
My new mower is supposed to arrive today
Will it arrive without issues from the shipping process?
Place your bets.
The big reveal comes in Wednesday Screencaps. Buckle up.
Anonymous Masters Employee #2 reports on his first couple of days of work at Augusta National
— AME#2 shares:
I am forever grateful to Anonymous Masters Employee (AME) to opening my eyes to this experience via Screencaps. He has been extremely helpful in preparing me before and since arriving. He takes the time to tell me what he has learned and has introduced me to many great people. We are at different locations and things are definitely different at my spot.
[Ed. note: Comment deleted to protect the identity of AME#2 in case Masters management is reading]
I used my credentials though to get on the grounds during the National Women’s amateur finals to look at the course, eat my first pimento cheese sandwich and hit the gift shops (with short lines). Can’t wait to see what the rest of the week holds.
Why do I block out the numbers on the Masters ticket on my wall?
Read this thread from a guy who says he's been banned from The Masters over tickets that (ALLEGEDLY) ended up on a ticket resale page.
This is why people like myself act like they're sitting on military secrets. One wrong move and your ass could be banned from ever sucking down a Crow's Nest beer.
Last year, I met my Masters practice round ticket source at an undisclosed location. The source is a reader. He could've lost his tickets for life if Canoe Kirk and I went into the tournament and acted like idiots. Those tickets can be tracked back to the source.
Like a father talking to a son, he made it clear at least 2-3 times that he was taking a big risk and made sure I understood the ramifications if we jerked around. No, I didn't even think of picking up a prized pine cone. Could you imagine the shame I would've had to live with if my ‘Source’ lost his tickets after an Augusta National security guard figured out I was smuggling a pine cone off the grounds?
The lesson here: If you ever land Masters tickets, treat it like you're going on a secret mission. You don't want to end up like this Josh guy.
The Screencaps reader who drove a 1986 Chevy Cavalier wagon down Magnolia Lane
— Duncan shares his story:
I know I've mentioned that I have played Augusta 3 times, but have I sent a pic? That's me on 12, hit it right where Freddie did - but I made bogey. I also once drove down Magnolia Lane in a 1986 Chevy Cavalier station wagon.
I assume I'm the only person who has ever done that! And I know the secret ingredient that ANGC is missing in the current pimento cheese sandwich. I know the family from WifeSaver, they told me, but I'll never share! It's just fun to know something that ANGC would love to know.
https://www.espn.com/golf/masters13/story/_/id/9159515/golf-sandwich-stumper-masters
Also, I've tweeted at Clay every time he puts a video of his swing. He needs to see my college friend Virgil Herring, he's based right there in Nashville. Man that swing is ugly!
Kinsey:
Why was Duncan driving down Magnolia Lane?
Duncan responds:
An ANGC member needed a certain loft/shaft of a Great Big Bertha driver. They called our course and we had one, so I drove it over. Figured they would stop me at the gate and make the trade, but for some reason they let me drive down Magnolia Lane. Parked in front of the shop and went in to trade drivers. I knew a lady that worked there, so took me out and showed me the first hole. I could've fainted.
Further golf course reading for this week
Mike T. points to this Wall Street Journal story on the evolution of golf courses from 1880 until now.
Dr. Melissa Newman is causing the inbox to go crazy
This reminds me of the time when Screencaps readers went nuts over chili, which grill I should buy and when guys would show off their woodpiles.
— Homebrew Bill in Nebraska weighs in:
To the people who don't want to look at certain Instagram models, it's not that hard just to keep scrolling. I doubt they have a gun pointed to their head forcing them to look at every picture. Me, I like seeing her. I like seeing a lot of the models.
I hope you enjoy your new mower purchase. My Toro is now going into year 18 or 19. I can't remember when I got it. It looks like I'll get a spring training mow this Thursday.
On the brewing front, I'll be brewing my own batch of Pineapple Pale Ale and a New Zealand IPA the Saturday after Easter. One keg of the pineapple will get an addition of jalapeno to have a spicy version.
Huskers won The Crown, which is better than nothing.
— Dr. Jon D., who has his PhD in mathematics & abstract algebra from Bowling Green State University, writes:
Some of your readers fail to grasp a couple of concepts.
One, this is a daily column. There'll be another one along tomorrow. (Thanks also: SeanJo!) The number of models who can be featured is not infinite, but it is unbounded. We're damn lucky the daily quality is so consistently high, and I appreciate your effort.
Two, it goes: Associate, Bachelor, Master, Doctorate. A Ph.D., D.Div, or Ed.D. is most definitely a doctor and has earned the title. Many of us presently outside academia don't make a habit of throwing it around, lest we seem pretentious, but just for today (and to come off the top rope), sign me.
Kinsey:
I had no idea Jon D. who sends me tractor pull tickets for the big national event in BG is actually Dr. Jon D.
You learn something every single day via this column.
— Carl C. keeps it simple:
I like Dr Melissa please keep her.
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That is it this morning. I have TNML marketing copy to write on this 30-degree morning. The sun is shining, but snow showers are on the way tonight. That's April for you around here.
Go dominate another day at work or enjoy that practice round at Augusta National.
Take care.
Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com or use my personal Gmail.