Horrible Human Ellen DeGeneres Has Fled The Country Over Donald Trump

Ellen DeGeneres, the disgraced former talk show host who fooled Suburban moms all across the country for two decades, has fled America in the wake of Donald Trump's election victory. 

Sad. We've lost Ellen. And you know what they say? When you lose the fakest, most toxic talk-show host in the nation, you've lost the pulse of America. How does Trump recover here? His ratings are about to PLUMMET. Come back, Ellen! Please. Give us a second chance. 

Just kidding. Piss off. Good riddance, you insufferable scumbag. 

Ellen and longtime wife Portia have reportedly left America and are now living in some Podunk town in England because Donald Trump crushed the Liberals to dust earlier this month. 

That's right. Most of these Hollywood elites have threatened to up and leave should Trump win, but few have actually done it. 

But Ellen, to her credit, followed through. She's gone. Poof. Just like that. What a day. 

Piss off, Ellen

I mean, can this month get any better? Trump won in a landslide, the Libs have been melting down for two straight weeks now, CNN is erupting in chaos nightly, Morning Joe is kissing the rings in Mar-a-Lago, and now Ellen is GONE forever?

Greatest. Month. Ever. What a run for America.

I hate Ellen. HATE her. The First Lady (my wife, not Melania) used to watch her all the time, much like every other Suburban mom in America. 3 p.m. every day on NBC. There was Ellen, giving away a bunch of bullshit and telling us "be kind to one another" to end every show. 

Except I always knew it was fake. Felt it in my plumbs. I told her a dozen times, and she never believed me. She just kept DVRing Ellen every day because she was so funny and nice and kind and blah, blah, blah. 

And then it came out that she was actually an AWFUL person who treated her staff like shit, and she eventually quit her awful show and hasn't been heard from since. 

Until now … now, Ellen and Portia have fled thanks to Donald J. Trump. 

According to TMZ, the miserable couple decided to "get the hell out" of the country immediately following our great president-elect's win two weeks ago. 

The pair was feeling "very disillusioned" with the news, according to TMZ, and they have since settled into a new home in the Cotswolds in South West England. 

Cheerio, losers. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.