Hooters Is Watering Down Their Women, And Not In A Good Way

Well, it's official. The Hooters we all know and love? Dead. Gone. Buried. The orange skirts now go up in the rafters for good, along with Blockbuster, Circuit City, and K-Mart. 

Sad. What an awful way to start the final weekend of March. 

OK, so, Hooters isn't actually dead – per se. Sure, they're possibly in Chapter 11 hell, and certainly appear on the outs. But, there are still over 200 open across this great country as we speak. 

This is more of a slow-death. A long, painful, un-American death. The writing's on the wall. Twin Peaks is in, Hooters is out. Even Stevie Wonder can see it. 

And you wanna know how I know? In a last-ditch effort to save the owl, Hooters is reportedly nixing bikini nights and trying to become more family-friendly. 

They're calling it a "Re-Hooterization." I call it blasphemy!

Leave the girls along, Hooters!

My God. It's disgusting. It's insulting. We might as well just be North Korea at this point. This was supposed to be the Golden era of America. That's what Trump told me! 

Not how I envisioned it. Not at all. 

From Bloomberg:

What hurt the brand, as the founders see it, were decisions by its private equity overlords that took it away from its roots as a beachy destination offering good food and good service that was also family-friendly. 

Helping crystallize that view: a 2021 decision by Hooters of America to introduce new waitress uniforms that looked more like underwear than the retro jogging shorts the original Hooters referenced, along with theme nights where servers wore only bikinis.

"You go to some parts of the country and people say, ‘Oh I could never go to Hooters, my wife would kill me,"’ Kiefer said. "That’s depressing to us. We want to change that.

"I’m calling it a re-Hooterization."

So, he's partly right. The food needs to get back to what it was at Hooters. The wings have gone downhill. Look at the comments under that above post. The food has turned to crap. That's not me being mean, that's America talking. 

But the part about Hooters going into the shitter because it's not … family-friendly enough? Come on. Hogwash. 

There are a million family-friendly restaurants on this planet. You know what Hooters would be without the hot girls in low-cut shirts and shorts? They'd be Olive Garden without the endless salad. They'd be Perkins, or Chilis, or Applebee's. 

I know I just harped on the food needing to be better – they're introducing "fresher ingredients, like real butter for the buffalo sauce that’s part of many popular menu items" – but if you water down the women (not that kind!), then I'm not sure even Gordon Ramsay is saving this place. 

I'm not really sure what "family-friendly" entails. This article doesn't really expand upon that, beyond ending bikini nights. Some Hooters locations went to a skimpier all-black uniform a few years back. I have a feeling that one may be on the outs. We'll see. 

That's fine. You want to end bikini nights? Go for it. We'll give you a pass. But don't you dare come for the orange shorts. Don't even think about it. 

Focus on the wings. Focus on the service. Take away our bikinis. But please, for the love of God, leave the ‘breast’ in ‘breastaurant.’

This is America, after all. We have a reputation to uphold.