Hooters Girls Take Us Behind The Scenes, Paige Spiranac Drives The Pace Car & The DNC Cult Continues To Pander
Happy one week anniversary to dummy One Week Ago Zach who thought he'd have a kid on the actual due date.
Idiot. Sweet little naive Zach. You thought this would be easy? Nope. Ironically, it's my girl who actually arrived a week early because she was a scheduled C-section. This boy, though? Late. Not a great start. Sounds like typical liberal behavior.
He better get his mind right if that's the case.
How's morale at the Dean house today? Well, let's see … The First Lady woke up late, which pissed her off. She then immediately walked into the kitchen and got annoyed because our counter-top was cluttered.
Naturally, she blamed the one tiny roll of paper towels, which then led to her declaring that we would not only be purchasing one of them fancy paper towel holders to put inside your sink cabinet, but also two brand-new toilet paper holders for both bathrooms.
After she was done gutting our kitchen, she then moved into the living room, where she noticed that we needed pictures on the wall for fall. We haven't had one picture on those walls in the one year we've lived in this house. Not one. Apparently, that's about to change.
I was also told, in no uncertain terms, that we were having sloppy joes for dinner tonight. Why she made that decision at 9:45 a.m., I have no clue. But that's what's now on the menu for dinner, if you're in the DeLand area and hungry tonight.
So, to recap ... morale is great! Let's roll.
On that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we go behind the scenes with the Hooters girls and then take the green flag with Paige Spiranac.
What a 1-2 punch!
What else? I've got Queen Carrie Underwood gearing up for some Sunday Night Football, Starbucks infuriating Joe and SeanJo over in Screencaps class, and the DNC continues to absolutely carry us through the final dead week of the year.
Thanks, guys and gals (and theys and thems)!
OK, let's roll. It's #PumpkinSpiceSZN at woke Starbucks, which means I've got a half-off latte to grab when the clock hits 3:01.
Pencils up!
Another big night of DNC content
It really is amazing how early the fall drinks come back every year. I swear, we're like five years away from you being able to grab a pumpkin coffee at Dunks on the way home from your Fourth of July shopping.
Hell, five years may be wishful thinking. I think it could happen by the next mid-term.
And that's coming from a pro-Fall guy! I love fall. It's the only time of year I'd voluntarily leave Florida for New England. Also reminds me why I'm a Dunkin guy. I'd go to war for Dunkin Donuts. They're so much better than the wokes over at Starbucks.
Is Aug. 28 that much better than Aug. 22? Well, no. But I'll take it. Another win for the blue-collar folks!
Now, let's quickly head to crime-riddled Chicago and check in with some real, down-to-earth blue collar folks! Salt of the earth.
What a night for content. These people are on a different level this week.
Carrie Underwood is waiting all day for a Sunday night
Ruthless move by the cameraman there, but I respect it. Shoot your shot, big guy. He saw a chance and took it, and it worked brilliantly.
PS: how about Oprah just being back? Feel like we haven't seen or heard from her in like 20 years, and all of a sudden BAM – she's back! And better yet, she's shouting racism and income inequality. It's amazing how insufferable normal democrats have become.
Seriously … Bill Clinton must be so embarrassed by what the party has become. Zero chance he agrees with any of it. Oprah doesn't, either. But when you're told to gaslight, you gaslight, baby!
PPS: are the Dems really still focused on the whole gay thing? Is this 2012 again? Nobody cares about that anymore. What are we doing here?
OK, moving on to bigger and better things, like … Sunday Night Football! Queen Carrie is set to return to our screen in a little over two weeks, and she's ready to rock and roll like the queen she is:
Hooters girls, Paige Spiranac in Daytona and this Mahomes wannabe has a ROCKET
Welcome back, Carrie! You always have a seat in this class. Always. You, Kay Adams, the Hooters girls and Paige. No questions asked.
It also allows me to run my favorite poll of the NFL season … what's the best NFL theme song? For me, it's pretty easy. I've said it before, but I'll rehash it here for those who are new to class:
- CBS (AFC bias, sorry FOX)
- FOX (really would be 3, but they sign my paychecks)
- NBC (see above)
- Old-school CBS (mid-90s-early-2000s)
- NFL Network
- Monday Night Football (stopped caring the day Hank Williams was canceled)
- Amazon Prime (sorry Al and Kirk, it's not you, it's me)
Chills. When I hear that theme song, I might as well be ripping pizza rolls and capri-suns while watching Ricky Williams rush for 250 yards on 42 carries in a 20-13 Dolphins loss.
The best.
OK, rapid-fire time so I can look up sloppy joe recipes. First up? Happy Hooters Pageant Day to all who celebrate!
Cannot WAIT to see who takes the throne from Emily Johnson later tonight. I spoke to Emily when she was down here for the Daytona 500 (RIP to Hooters & NASCAR, by the way), and she was a delight.
Big shirt to fill. Can't wait to see who comes out on top. OutKick, of course, will cover it like the OJ trial.
Next? Speaking of racing in Daytona …
Unreal. I haven't missed a race at Daytona since I moved here in 2016. I ain't going Saturday because I'm either going to have a new baby, be in the hospital, or making my third batch of sloppy joes for the First Lady as I just to try to keep the peace.
So, of course, Daytona decides to bring down Paige to lead the field to green. I mean, my God. Talk about an all-time bad beat.
Give 'em hell, Paigeviews!
Finally, let's check in with the flag football QB who said earlier this week he was better at football than Patrick Mahomes because he had a higher IQ.
Hooters Emily saddles up one last time
Yeah, OK pal. Whatever you say!
OK, that's all for today. I think I need to go buy some ground beef. Not sure yet. Here's Hooters Emily saddling up one final time before handing over her crown.
Good luck, ladies!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
What's the best NFL theme song? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.