Hockey Goalie Mikayla Demaiter Stops By Before The Super Bowl, Nick Saban's Swing & Lesbians For #5
If you were offered the chance to attend a Masters practice round or the Par 3 contest, which one are you picking?
There is a chance…A solid CHANCE, but I'm staying calm…that I am days away from possibly booking accommodations to visit Augusta National for the first time in my life in April, but I have a very big decision to make and I'm hoping you guys can shed some light on your past experiences.
Here's my dilemma: My ticket source (as long as everything goes smoothly over the next couple of weeks) is offering up either Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday grounds passes. Two passes.
"Most people pick the Par 3 contest, but I need to walk you through what that means," my source emailed Wednesday.
So I called the source, and he explained that Augusta National closes the main course in the morning on Wednesday to add the final touches for Thursday morning.
My main goal here is to see Augusta National.
I get that the Par 3 is amazing, but I want to be able to talk the talk at the 19th hole with the boys after a round. I want to start knocking off bucket list golf events (the best I can do is seeing Tiger, Phil, Rory, Spieth, etc. on a Saturday at Firestone.)
I want to feel the elevation change from the top down to Rae's Creek.
But then I have Augusta National veteran Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green (because he's actually from Georgia and his dad gets tickets from Coke) chirping that the Par 3 is a ‘can’t miss.'
Then I have my Georgia source who has ties with Augusta National going back generations giving me his advice, which, of course, I highly value, and he's my ticket hookup.
Think back to when you were a Masters virgin. What would you do in my spot?
And if you could say a prayer to the golf gods that everything goes smoothly over the next couple of weeks, that would be awesome as well.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
America, we need to talk: It's time to turn off your Christmas lights
The Screencaps family was out and about last night in the grocery-getter and I couldn't believe how many people here in Perrysburg, OH have their Christmas lights still turned on. I'm not talking some shitty Valentine's Day light ropes the dollar stores are selling.
I'm talking several hundred lights turned on. Colored lights. Little candy canes stuck in the garden and lit.
WTF is going on, folks?
I get that the white Christmas light suburbia crowd wants to act all elegant through winter with a couple of boxwoods lit up which tells everyone that these people have money and they drink wine.
I get that.
What I don't get are the morons who have candy canes lit up in their unkept gardens with multi-colored rope lights lit up around the house.
Is this going on in your area or is this exclusive to this part of Ohio?
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Vegas Sucks!
• Guy G. in western New York isn't impressed by the Super Bowl in Vegas:
I’m not a Vegas guy, unlike Hookstead. That being said, I’m there 4-6 times a year, for different conventions and trade shows. It’s part of the job, and I hate going there. I just spent a week in Phoenix, and took advantage of it. Took the team out golfing, and to TopGolf, to blow off a little steam.
The week prior to Phoenix, I was in Vegas. Vegas is the reason I have rules that my team understands very well. In my early days with the company, we would hit every supplier party there was, take advantage of open bars, and generally stay out all night.
Now, I’m at the show 30 minutes prior, and expect the same from my team. When the show is over, I don’t even go out to dinner. Classy places are everywhere, and top end food is great! I order Grubhub, and have it delivered to my room. This last trip out, I had 2 drinks total.
My team likes to go out, and have a good time. Cool. Don’t run your bar tabs up for the hooker who is trying to get work for the night, and you’d better show up on time ready to go!
Too many nights in Vegas having the ‘good time’ that Vegas pushes, and too many wasted days being hung over, and unable to work as I should.
I stay on Eastern time, because the kids are going to call at 4am Pacific. I’m done and shut down completely by 9pm, no matter where we are at. I try to educate the younger team members, but they are mesmerized by the Vegas lure…at least for the first few trips.
My wife can choose anywhere she wants to vacation. Except Vegas. Vegas sucks!
The Ts are drinking again
• Mike T. and Cindy T. are still in Spain and drinking:
Sherry and vermouth bar in Malaga. Drinks are €1.25 each.
Reminder: This Is The Best Country In The World
• Bo T. in Michigan writes:
Joe, I’ve been thinking this week about what my favorite things are about being an American. Things like our Bill of Rights, boobs, guns, the Super Bowl, and race cars all came to mind. I quickly realized that the list could be immense, but what would really make it to the top of my personal list?
1. Having the opportunity to serve our country with America’s best warriors.
2. Smoking a drive on the first hole after cracking a beer with good friends
3. Bringing a couple of steaks in from the grill to complement the sides my wife cooked up
4. Jamming some great tunes (RIP Toby) to whatever it is I happen to be doing
5. Increasing my carbon footprint just to piss off the commies
Never forget this is the greatest nation ever created on the face of the earth. Don’t let the f--kers get you down.
Natalie Imbruglia popped on the radio last night and I told Mrs. Screencaps I had to add that name to Screencaps
It turns out Natalie Imbruglia turned 49 on Sunday and she's active on Instagram. I had no idea what happened to her after "Torn" was released in 1997. 27 years. Unreal.
These are the kind of nuggets that pop into my head as I'm driving around town and the Christmas light crowd has me infuriated. Thanks to Natalie for snapping me out of that funk.
Moments when you a witness to sports history
• Jess in Alabama writes :
I will always remember being at Turner Field for Smoltz’s 3000th strikeout. Lots of fun. He, Andruw Jones and Javier Lopez were some of my favorites growing up.
• Michael J. in Chiraq writes :
Hope you got room for one more memorable sports email. I've got two for you. One that really wasn't much when it happened but ended up being very cool and the other is great planning on my part.
1. The first baseball game I ever remembered going to had quite the beanball shenanigans. Andre Dawson got plunked and Greg Maddux chose violence and honor over personal gain.
The Andre Dawson gets hit in face by Eric Show and benchs clear - This Day In Baseball
2. I planned a vacation and bought tickets 5 months ahead of time to catch my favorite player get his 3,000th hit. Not only did Craig Biggio get to that milestone in the first game I ever saw in Houston. He got 5 hits in total and the game ended with a walk-off grand slam from Carlos Lee. Such an amazing memory.
• Garrett in IL who typically sends me stuff via Instagram DMs (they're open, more of you should be over there having fun) writes :
I’ve seen more than a few historical games in my 42 years. Two I’d like to submit:
2001 World Series – Game 5. Jeter walked off with a home run in the tenth inning on Halloween in game four.
We went to game 5 in the Bronx (I'm in IL, my aunt is a lifelong Yanks fan), where the Diamondbacks took a 2-0 lead into the 9th. Scott Brosius hit a 2-run BOMB to dead left field to tie the game…. 2 outs bottom of the ninth and he hit a no-doubter. Obviously, the place went absolutely bananas. They ended up winning in the bottom of the 12th with a walk-off single by Soriano. This had all sorts of stuff going on as it was just after 9/11. It was an unreal atmosphere, there's tons of video out there and a short half-hour doc that I think was done by HBO. The old Yankee Stadium was a magical place.
https://bronxpinstripes.com/a-look-back/a-look-back-01-world-series-game-5/
Second game:
Bulls vs Magic 3/24/1995
Jordans first game back to Chicago post *first* retirement. This was like Christmas. He first came back the week before, wearing #45. Absolutely devastating for Bulls fans when he left for a year or so. They lost to the Shaq-lead Magic for his first game back in Chicago, but obviously, we know how the rest played out. He had the double nickel game at the garden a few days later.
When he came back, I was on vacation with family in Mexico. There were rumors that he was possibly coming back for a little while. He showed up to some practices and everything and we were BUZZING. In the pre-internet age that was the early to mid-90s, we were stuck reading the newspaper from the previous day in Mexico and watching spanish ESPN to see for sure what was going on/if he was officially coming back. Ill never forget flying back to O’Hare on Sunday and heading straight home to watch bulls/pacers that same day for his first game back (insert NBA on NBC theme).
• Bill in Dayton, Nevada says:
Where I live, outside or Reno Nevada there isn't many chances to witness history. Reno does have one sports record that hasn't been broken.
Unfortunately, I was not there, but my wife was. She was in the Sparks High School band as a freshman back in 1985. On September 27th, Reno High School came to play a game at Sparks. During that game Reno place kicker Dirk Borgognone kicked a 68-yard field goal.
A record that still stands today. Only one college kicker (with the aid of a tee) kicked a longer field goal (69 yds), and everyone know that Justin Tucker's record is 66 yds. The worst thing about it for my wife is that she had no idea what she saw or what it meant. She barely knew what football was until we met in 2002. Now she knows teams, players, rules, she just rattles that stuff off.
I am so impressed with her knowledge and even plays fantasy football with us. The lesson is to pay attention to every game you go to, pros, college, high school, & minor league... you never know what you will see.
• Matt L. in Louisiana has one for you guys:
Long time / 3rd time. Had to weigh in on the best sports moments. I’ve been blessed to attend a ton games and I’ve seen some crazy moments, but for brevity’s sake I’ll hit you with just the top 2.
1986 Game 6 World Series – the Bill Buckner game. I grew up in NY a Mets fan, and my Dad somehow got tickets. Sadly he got called into work, so I had to take my little sister - Life will do that to you, apparently. Down 3 games to 2, back and forth game, and we were down 2 runs to start the bottom of the tenth. 2 out and nobody on – honestly we were all just staying to cheer the team for a great year. Sitting in the 3rd base field boxes, and when that Mookie Wilson dribbler went past Buckner into right field and Ray Knight came galloping around third to win the game, well pandemonium doesn’t quite cover it. When we looked up to the upper right filed deck, I swear that whole thing was moving up and down and I cant believe it stayed up. Some legit engineering right there.
You would think that has to the topper, but I moved to New Orleans in the 90s and lived through Katrina, and the rebuilding process (had a 4 month stay in Indy with my wife’s family to keep our business afloat). I was with friends at the Saints Falcons game that re-opened the Dome in 2006. Can’t truly describe it, even now almost 20 years later. Just being back in the Dome for a saints game was magical to re-connect with some normalcy, but when Steve Gleason blocked that punt, that explosion of sound will remain in my soul forever. Grown men hugging strangers and crying like fools. Somehow we were going to be OK.
And that is the beauty of sports. Love the column, love the community and the sharing of stories. Keep up the outstanding work Joe!!!
• Dave C. wrote back about his Disco Night experience at Old Comiskey:
I rushed the field along with my friends but when the police rushed the field with riot gear we cleared out back to our seats behind home plate..One of my friends then proceeded to climb the screen and t when the cops the shook him down he fell and they beat the crap out him with night sticks.
Apparently they were expecting about 15k to the park and instead i was standing room only.So when ticket takers couldn't handle more disco records(Steve Dahl was going to collect them and blow them up) people took the records inside. They then were used as projectiles and thrown at everybody and every thing.. It was a dark evening but a lot of fun....The el rides was wild too with every yelling diso sucks and climbing all over the train. There was more but that is all I can remember for now.
‘East and West coasts suck’
• Dana B. wrote that headline on an email and then sent me to a link with this headline:
Kinsey:
The story is that a McDonald's in Darien, Conn. is charging $17.59 for a Big Mac combo meal. And then you have $20 minimum wage coming in April for California fast-food workers.
Are any of you pissed at Southwest?
##########
And that's it for Thursday. It's supposed to be 58 and sunny here today. Climate change has been amazing! We're getting spring in early February. I'll take it. The golf courses are open and reportedly they're going to be packed the next three days.
Go enjoy the weather if you're up here north of the Ohio River and if you're in Florida, no complaining about anything weather related.
Win the day!
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com