Hockey Goalie Mikayla Demaiter Proves 'Angels Exist', Indiana Mom Throws Bombs At Tailgate & Dan Campbell Is Fired Up
I'll go on record saying that was a pretty cool NFL opener
Like Deion giving a shot in the arm to college football, we officially have our King of the NFL Content World in the form of Dan Campbell and it just feels so right. It's the perfect place at the perfect time as the football gods dial up something incredibly special in Detroit. I remember when Campbell was hired and held his first press conference where he came in shot out of a cannon with all sorts of football speak.
Cool Twitter, Cool Big Js and all the cool talking heads mocked him and had their inside jokes about how we were about to see another Football Guy get his ass handed to him and the Lions would be searching for a coach in three seasons.
And now here we are watching a franchise with ONE PLAYOFF WIN SINCE 1957 going into Arrowhead and slaying Patrick Mahomes behind the big balls of Campbell and an offensive line that has a deep playoff run written all over them.
Go ahead and purchase those Jared Goff MVP tickets before that number drops off a cliff. If that line does what it did last night (yes, I know Chris Jones wasn't there and it was the Chiefs) Goff is going to have a season that makes him and his Sports Illustrated future wife a huge pile of f-you cash.
It's all lining up for Detroit.
• 18th hardest schedule (BEFORE beating the Chiefs)
• Running back depth
• Multiple receivers (Marvin Jones isn't fumbling like that very often)
• That O-line
• The punter
• A young defense (just has to be B+ in the NFC to make a legitimate run)
• Big Balls Dan f'in Campbell
I talked to the text group and we're adopting Blue Bob for the 2023
Bob has all the intangibles. The name. The energy. The spirit. The shit-talking. Look at that face. 100% star potential.
You're going to see us interacting with Bob on a regular basis as he makes his long journey through the 2023 season.
It helps that Canoe Kirk and Diesel are both born and raised Lions fans. They're going to love Bob.
GO FOLLOW BOB!
• Brandon C. in Pinckney, MI predicts the pulse of the Motor City Kitty fans today at work:
Every single Lions fan at the break room Friday morning at work is basically giving the Dusty Rhodes Hard Times monologue to their co-workers. They'll look disheveled, they'll be sweaty and sloppy with their work clothes, they'll be out of breath.
But with every ounce of conviction, they'll tell you that the past 50 years of misery were hard times, Daddy, and they'll be ready to run through the wall with MCDC (Motor City Dan Campbell)....
for the next 16 weeks in pursuit of that elusive Wild Card Round victory.
Whatever it takes to get you motivated for the season
• Jon H. writes:
Can we get Diarrhea Man from the Delta flight to make a quick pass through the Steelers locker room?
Respect Summer or pay the price
• Ross writes via the Instagram DMs which are being used more and more:
This is what happens when you don’t RESPECT SUMMER! and start decorating for Halloween too early.
• John from SD writes:
Dogs with pumpkins in the background, too early, not yet, it’s still summer. Had a “discussion” with the house secretary and calendar owner. She said it’s fall already (here in SoCal of all places) and is noting events on the calendar as fall events. Stuck to the date and said not until September 23rd!
Diversity nerds are at it again
• Franco writes:
Filmmakers are always under fire for diversity. The newest fad is people trying to ban nudity in film. It's a real thing.
But this video clip is about diversity and they destroy this dumb reporter who knows absolutely nothing about history with a simple answer.
Kinsey:
That's director Mads Mikkelsen being asked about the lack of diversity in his movie "The Promised Land."
Good try, Big J woke nerd.
Thank you for all the intel on Screencaps reloading...it's going to take me all weekend to go through the emails
I need to form my plan of action here because the original emailer who set this in motion emailed to say yesterday's edition was perfect. Now I have to go back to count up the embeds to see how many I included to see if that might be the perfect number.
I'm just looking for that sweet spot where I can prevent chaos on the customer side. The IT guys seem to think a high level of embeds could be causing the issue. Like the war on yellow jackets, I will win this war. I've come too far with this column to give up the battle.
What's with county fair bathroom attendants?
Kinsey:
I thought perhaps the attendants were acting as security guards to prevent junkies from shooting up in the stalls.
Gerard writes:
They looked like the druggies…..
The possible drive-by hit put out on Diesel from the text group
• Anonymous writes:
Regarding the bullet impact in Diesel's window...
I am that expert.
To me, it looks like a bullet impact. Any firearm would make that hole, especially as close as the road, and further.
Not sure a BB or pellet airgun would do that unless really close.
Round rock or marble might from close (wrist rocket?)
To me, gunshot.
Does he have a projectile inside or secondary impact inside for trajectory?
Diesel responds:
Kinsey:
Diesel doesn't work on Fridays so this mystery will continue into next week. Stay tuned.
That's it for this rainy, nasty, fall-like Friday that sucks balls. I hope all the latte fans are enjoying this garbage weather because they're about to get it for the next eight months. Freaks.
Anyway, we made it to another football weekend. Enjoy the hell out of it. Soak it all up. Throw those basement parties. Have buddies over. Be alive. Connect with others.
Take care.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com