Hobby Horsing Ain't Easy, Tales From The Nashville Airport, Bathing In Swimming Pools & Sharks!

Why do I do this to myself? Right now, it's 4 a.m., and I'm sitting at my gate at the Nashville airport. 

Every time I take one of these flights at the ass crack of dawn, I tell myself, "never again." But then I check out those Southwest prices when it's time to book, and flying out at 5 a.m. sounds a whole lot better than paying $300 extra to fly out later in the day. So I suck it up and schedule my 3 a.m. Uber.

Usually the airport is a ghost town at this hour — not even the coffee shops are open yet. But today it's different. I rolled up to the drop-off point (three hours before sunrise), and there were already lines forming at the checkout counters. 

What is going on here?

Then, I caught a glimpse of a woman wearing silver glittery cowboy boots over her sweatpants, and it hit me: It's the Monday after CMA Fest.

I could smell the alcohol seeping through everyone's pores the moment I stepped into the airport. I overheard a lady in the security line saying she didn't sleep — just took an Uber straight from Broadway after the bars closed down. 

Champ.

Currently, I'm waiting to board a plane bound for Baltimore (where I'll catch my connecting flight). I'm surrounded by rhinestones, fresh country music star merch, cowboy hats and pink boots, and I'm told this is a full flight. If one of these hungover (or still drunk) tourists pukes on me at 10,000 feet, it's going to be a real rough start to my vacation.

Oh yeah… vacation! I'm off to Myrtle Beach to enjoy a little family time with my parents and a few cousins. And if you're a South Park fan, you know what happens at Myrtle Beach…

I don't plan on rallying all night with Mr. Garrison. But by the time you read this on Tuesday afternoon, I do plan on being multiple vodkas deep with my rear end planted firmly in the sand. By the time I fly home Sunday, I'm going to look like all the zombies currently half asleep in the airport around me.

Just without the glittery boots.

Join me — in spirit. Mix up something boozy and tropical, and let's get to it. It's Nightcaps time!

What Is Going On With All These Sharks?

One thing I don't want to see on my vacation is a shark. But apparently, they've been a real problem lately.

Over the weekend, three people were injured in two shark attacks on two Florida beaches in the panhandle. Really scary stuff, as multiple limbs were amputated, and a teenage girl is in critical condition. And while I'm certainly no shark expert, these attacks are apparently very rare in that area.

"This is an anomaly ... everything from it being three victims, to where it's at," Walton County Sheriff Michael A. Adkinson Jr. said. "We know that we share the water with sharks. As tragic as this is, we know that there are always sharks in the water."

The sheriff added that the county's most recent shark attack was in 2021 and the last shark-related fatality took place in 2005.

But something sure has the sharks riled up. Social media has been flooded with videos from the panhandle of dozens of these predators circling in the waters.

It's certainly a reminder that we risk our lives every time we take a dip in the sharks' house. But, for once, I'm pretty happy I'm not on the Florida Gulf Coast right now.

Oh wait…

Looks like I'll be taking advantage of the hotel pool. Speaking of pools, though…

Tell Me If You Think This Is Disgusting

A Colorado woman has gone viral after she made an Instagram post suggesting that she takes her kids to the pool in the summer instead of bathing them. Neely Gracey, a 34-year-old mother of two, has taken a lot of grief from folks who — rightfully — think that's completely gross.

"Happy ‘the pool counts as a bath’ season to all who participate," she wrote, adding, "Please tell me I’m not the only mom who is celebrating."

And judging by the comments, she might be the only one who is celebrating.

Noooo wayyy man. Pool day means it is DEFINITELY a tubby night for my kiddos. So gross, chemicals, sunscreen, sweat, pee, salt, etc.

I never want to shower harder than after a long day at the pool or the beach.

Oh, that’s nasty. This might be worse than the people who only bathe their kids once a week.

Or like this weirdo who only showers herself once a week because …it's too much of a time commitment? She must be REALLY busy.

Anyway, as a general rule, I stay in my lane and don't pass judgment on parenting. But I have to agree with the commenters here. And experts do, too.

Researchers from a cosmetics company called Clarins recently put out a study about the harmful effects of hard chemicals, like chlorine, on the skin.

"It can strip away natural oils from the skin, potentially promoting premature aging. Washing your skin with chlorinated water may disrupt the natural skin flora, leading to skin conditions like acne," the study concluded. "Prolonged exposure to this chemical can also result in skin irritations and itching."

Yeah, yeah… dry skin, chemical irritation, blah, blah. That's not even the problem. The problem is that swimming pools are nasty.

Don't get me wrong: I am not too bougie to cannonball into a public swimming pool. But I also know that, by doing so, I'm soaking in other people's filth, sweat and sunscreen. Plus, little kids and drunk people pee in them. That chlorine can only work so hard, you know?

Please bathe your children. And yourself, you nasty animal.

Hobby Horsin' Ain't Easy

So if you thought it was, you better check yourself!

A hobby horse is a stick horse, by the way. You remember, those things we all ran around our house on as kids — knocking over everything on the coffee table as we whizzed by, pretending to be the Lone Ranger?

Apparently, there are grown people who still play with these things, and they take it very seriously. They even have full, choreographed routines and competitions. You might call them dorks, but I'm going to be nice and consider them simply equestrians on a budget.

So there's one jockey named Anna who is on a mission to legitimize the sport of hobby horsing. Because it's serious work, OK?! In a recent TikTok video, the 16-year-old shows her haters just how strenuous it is to prance around on a broomstick.

"‘Hobbyhorsing is not a sport, it’s easy and everyone can do that’ . . . Oh yeah?" Anna sarcastically asks in the caption.

The 37-second-long video then shows a very flushed Anna violently coughing and hyperventilating on a gym floor, while other competitors jump hurdles in the background. 

I saw this, and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I really did. I thought, "Man, maybe it's just an unconventional workout like those middle-aged ladies who hop on mini trampolines or dance on spin bikes."

So I watched another one of Anna's videos, and well…

I think it's more of a stamina issue for our sweet lil' Anna than a hobby horse thing. 

But that's OK! Because she's having fun and doing what she loves. And her TikTok video got 49 MILLION VIEWS, so maybe she made some money. 

But I want more than just hobby horse influencers. I want a whole hobby horse derby! Imagine… we all put on our fascinators, silly dresses and suits, and we go watch a bunch of grown people race to the finish on a stick horse while we place bets and sip on mint juleps!

Scratch the mint juleps. This calls for straight bourbon.

Actually, you know what this whole wannabe equestrian thing reminds me of? Dave Wills. That's the guy who went viral ages ago for getting very emotional about the validity of professional wrestling.

Hobby horsing… It's still real to me, dammit!

Fun fact: Four-ish years ago I was working an event celebrating the 50th wrestling anniversary of the legendary Jerry Lawler, when a guy walked by wearing an "It's still real to me, dammit" T-shirt. My husband and I had just been talking about that video a few days before, so I snapped a photo and sent it to him.

THE Dave Wills!

(Credit: Me, Amber Harding)

I said, "Hahaha look at this guy's shirt."

My husband said, "Amber… THAT IS THAT GUY!!"

I was floored. Sometimes legends walk among us — during an amateur wrestling event at a minor league ballpark in Jaskson, Tenn. — and we don't even know it.

Kid Rock and Jon Daly were there, too.

Regarding Womansplaining…

Because I am on vacation this week, so is Womansplaining. Sadly, you'll have to find another way to occupy your Wednesday lunch break.

Perhaps read last week's column or simply scroll through the archives? Or email me your thoughts, complaints, questions and stories for a future edition.

Please don't cry. I miss you, too.

Stuff That Made Me LOL

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.