Hilary Duff’s Cat Gets Bullied, Carson Beck Drives A Lambo, Emily Ratajkowski's Haircut & Hometown Super Bowl
Days away from Super Bowl LVIII, it's OK if you're starting to feel antsy. The lack of roughing the passer and pass interference calls to debate has all of us feeling uneasy. Surely, you're not alone in your momentary misery. And that's alright. Just don't take your aggression out on Hilary Duff's cat, lose your wig over it, or forget to iron your (incredibly large) pants when providing Carson Beck with a new ride. We'll get through this together.
But, there are some rules. Unlike Troy Aikman, you can't skip out on curfew. And don't even think about pulling an Emily Ratajkowski and giving yourself an unsupervised trim.
Got that?
Good.
Now let's comb that mane, pour ourselves a nightcap and prepare to drink up the last bit of football before the XFL - or whatever it's called these days - attempts to tease us this spring.
Super Bowl LVIII Will Have A Hometown Feel, For Me At Least
If you're looking for a way to get to the Super Bowl, there's seemingly two options:
1) Hitch a ride on Taylor Swift's Falcon 7x - which Google tells me is the type of private jet Travis Kelce's other half owns.
Or
2) Graduate from Cardinal Mooney High School in Youngstown, OH.
I did that very thing, barely. And it happened quite a few years ago - around the time when anyone who was anyone had a pager on their hip and did most anything for the Nookie. Shout out Fred Durst.
How is any of this relevant, you ask?
First off: Limp Bizkit is ALWAYS relevant.
Also, this year's Super Bowl has a representative from Cardinal Mooney H.S. on both the 49ers and the Chiefs. Jed York is the owner/CEO of the 49ers and Donald D'Alesio is Kansas City's safeties coach.
As mentioned above, yours truly attended the same high school (along with football royalty, the Stoops and Pelini brothers) as York and D'Alesio. And while they may be battling for a Lombardi trophy come Sunday, I’ve already captured that hardware multiple times by way of Madden franchises. Don’t act like you’re not impressed. Being alumni and all, my lines of communication will be open should either want to reach out and discuss the pressure associated with the big game.
In the event they're reading this (they most definitely are), let it be known that my Lombardi's were secured while guiding the Browns. I'd like to see either of my fellow alumni accomplish such an unthinkable feat!
No matter the outcome Sunday evening, there's guaranteed to be two winners departing Vegas: Cardinal Mooney and Taylor Swift.
*Let's hope the powers at be at CMHS remember this puff-piece a few years from now when my kids are roaming the halls and tuition's due…
Troy Aikman Missed Curfew Because Of A Woman
Hall of Fame QB Troy Aikman also knows a thing or two about Super Bowls. Fortunately for him and his Cowboys teammates, there apparently was no woman around during his three Super Bowls that could cause him to sleep and mis curfew. Though that wasn't the case during one training camp under then-Cowboys head coach Chan Gailey. Coach gave the 'Boys a curfew during camp but Aikman was interested in something other than sleep.
"I had an interest in a woman," Aikman told Dan Patrick on Tuesday of the time he skipped curfew. "And I went on to marry her. I just felt it was one of those moments where you gotta make a decision Dan. And I decided I was gonna miss curfew and ride this thing out."
As Troy tells it, he nearly got away with if not for team security.
"The security guard, unfortunately, I thought he was a friend but he turned me in," Aikman said through a laugh. "He ratted me out."
Some men refer to Aikman's clouded judgment as the power of the…
I'll spot you the P and the Y and let you fill in the blank.
Hilary Duff's Cat Is Being Bullied
In a somewhat related note (assuming you solved the above puzzle), and now that we've talked Super Bowl and quarterbacks, let's bully a cat!
Just kidding! The internet has already done that.
And it wasn't just any cat being bullied, it was Hilary Duff's new furball, "Moonstone."
On Monday, Duff posted a video to her Instagram account introducing the feline as the newest addition to the family.
Then, almost instantly, IG users played the role of Regina George to Moonstone's Cady Heron, going full Mean Girls on the four-legged ball of fur.
"What the hell is that thing," asked one Instagram user. Countless others called the cat "ugly," and found a way to mix in a few nouns sandwiched between expletives.
The cat bullying hit social media at the perfect time, considering Curb Your Enthusiasm's season 12 premiere (from Sunday) just provided us with an all-time scene when Leon "fat-shamed" a dog.
Everyone needs a Leon in their life.
Anyway, the ugly duckling, err…cat, was a gift to Duff from her husband, Matthew Koma.
Can't wait to see what Koma has in store for Valentine's Day!
Ole Miss Player Loses Her Hair Mid-Game
Honestly, that cat's not winning any beauty contests. Maybe if the Duff's tossed a wig on the feline, but even that's a stretch. Oh, speaking of wigs…one should always keep your wig in-check when hooping - especially in the SEC. Afterall, it just means more!, right?
Earlier this week, Ole Miss women's basketball player Marquesha Davis left it all on the floor - that includes her hair.
In the Rebels' game against South Carolina, Davis, a senior guard, was attempting to stop the opposition from driving to the basket when both her and her wig hit the hardwood early in the first half.
Davis was a good sport about it. She briefly stayed on the floor as players from both teams surrounded her so she could (somewhat) privately reapply her lettuce. The ladies from both squads and Davis laughed it off and play resumed moments later.
Unfortunately for Davis, she didn't just lose her mop. Ole Miss also took the L, falling to the Gamecocks 85-56. Some have likened the game to a hair-raising experience for all involved.
(I'll show myself out).
Emily Ratajkowski Made A Mistake Cutting Her Hair, But I Promise You Won't Notice
Hollywood starlet Emily Ratajkowski might want to inquire with Davis about her locks. Ratajkowski recently attempted to do something harder than spelling her last name - cut her own hair. And it didn't go well. At least that's what Ratajkowski contends. Though you'd hardly notice by looking at her.
The 32-year-old model/actress took to social media to share that she made a mistake cutting her hair.
That's not all she shared.
"Whoops," captioned Ratajkowski alongside her IG reel, which left little for the imagination and few noticing that she'd chopped her locks.
Call me crazy, but I think Emily would be able to make a decent living as a hairstylist if this whole acting and modeling thing hits a lull. At the very least, I bet Troy Aikman would skip curfew for her.
Emily Ratajkowski isn't having sex on the first date. (Photo by LOIC VENANCE / AFP) (Photo by LOIC VENANCE/AFP via Getty Images).
Look At Carson Beck's New Ride, And This Guy's Pants
Georgia quarterback Carson Beck doesn't appear to be in need of a new haircut or a new ride, thanks to the nearly $300k Lambo he scooped up this week. But, the person who sold him the car - or at least posed for a picture with Beck and his new ride - could use a couple of things.
Among his needs are a new pair of pants or, at the very least, an iron.
My man's rocking some drawers that make MC Hammer look like he sang 2 Legit 2 Quit in skinny jeans. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Beck snagged himself a DMC DeLorean and went back to 2002 to find a salesman.
Even if you want to channel your inner Allen Iverson while selling cars, the least you can do is run an iron across that parachute!
Oh, and don't let those way-too-big khakis allow you to forget that Georgia's signal caller just got himself a ride that cost more than most homes.
Beck bypassed the opportunity to enter April's NFL Draft, opting instead for a fifth year with the Bulldogs.
Holy NIL. Can you blame him?
Unlike Beck, I'm Headed Out
There's a youth basketball practice that needs my attention and another Madden franchise in need of my expertise, so that's all I've got time for this week. We'll do it again next Wednesday, baggy pants and all. Until then, enjoy the leftovers!
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF or email me, anthony.farris@outkick.com