Haley Cavinder Goes Cowgirl On The Beach, Beyonce's Nearly Nude Country Album & MLB Botched Opening Day
Hello, and happy MLB opening day!
What? You didn't know? Color me shocked.
I was thinking about this earlier today as I was watching the Padres piss away a season-opening win over the Dodgers out in Korea … in what world is this a good idea?
Be honest – if you didn't come to class Monday, would you have had any idea the MLB season opened this morning at 6 a.m. ET? The actual season.
Like, the Dodgers are now 1-0, the Padres are 0-1, and everyone else is still pretending to care in Florida and Arizona.
Make it make sense. The sport's biggest star – by a mile – who just signed a nearly BILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT made his LA Dodgers debut at … 3 a.m. west coast time this morning … in KOREA.
And you wonder why the NFL is currently running absolute circles around everyone else right.
You think big daddy Rodger would let one single regular season NFL game take place when all of America was sleeping? Of course not. Even the London and Germany NFL games have the courtesy of waiting until 6 a.m. PST to start.
It just doesn't make sense to me, but I reckon MLB is gonna MLB, and there ain't a NANT thing we can do about it.
And on that very long, lecturey note, welcome to a Wednesday Nightcaps – the class that Anthony usually runs but since he retired last week, I get to be the world's coolest substitute teacher.
So, naturally, we're gonna head on down to St. Lucia with Haley Cavinder and Jake Ferguson and do this hump day right.
After that, we'll read the bible with Sydney Sweeney, anger everyone with Beyoncé's new country album and then head down to my neck of the woods to meet maybe the worst parents in the history of parenting.
Bonus: it leads to the first of two wild police chase videos in today's class! Win-win.
Grab a drink, pour one out for Anthony as he learns how to skate over at some Ohio Sonic (just kidding!) and settle in for a Wednesday class!
Haley Cavinder and rides off into the Santa Lucia sunset with her own cowboy
Usually I like to save the reason ya'll clicked for the end – or at least the middle – but it's a Wednesday and I'm not usually here on Wednesdays, so let's get weird.
Haley Cavinder and Dallas Cowboys TE Jake Ferguson – a lowkey elite fantasy TE, by the way – are spending their six-month anniversary this week soaking up the sun down in Santa Lucia.
By the looks of it, the two lovebirds are on rock solid footing heading into the peak of the offseason, which is excellent news for us in the #content game.
As for Haley's future team – TCU – a little research tells me they desperately need her to come out of retirement.
The Horned Frogs are set to face North Texas in something called the WBIT tomorrow night.
How about this couple in Daytona?
All is certainly well! Congrats to Haley and Jake. Big offseason for these two as they get ready for a huge 2024. Can't wait to see how it unfolds.
Now, let's go from the St. Lucia sand to the white trash plains of Daytona Beach, where we had a nice Georgia family in town for spring break.
And by nice, I mean the mom and dad both got tanked, fell asleep on the beach, lost their kids, and then tried to flee the police.
Not to be outdone, that escape attempt was rivaled only by one in Tennessee. Which one takes the crown?
Sydney Sweeney reads the bible, Beyoncé goes cowgirl & Ohtani's new wife
So much to digest there … for starters, everyone down here knows you're not allowed to drink on the beach, but we also know the cops don't care as long as you act right.
Don't flaunt it, don't get into fights, and don't fall asleep at the wheel while your 7 and 8-year-old run around unsupervised.
Follow those three rules and you can get tanked on our beautiful beaches all you want.
And how about that escape attempt, too? Just takes a hit of the vape and goes for it, which is such a bold decision given the circumstances.
Oh well. Shooters shoot!
The cat in the second video should be let go purely based on effort alone. Badass moves to dig himself out of that hole, and he should be rewarded for them. How about that sneaky little cut-back at the end, too?
That's called having elite field vision and finding a way. Stud.
OK …. rapid-fire time on an otherwise slow hump day. First up? Sid the Kid preaching the gospel!
Anyone else keeping a close eye on Sid's new movie, Immaculate? It comes out Friday and apparently has some sort of shock ending that has the internet buzzing.
I'm sure it'll be spoiled for me because I haven't gone to an actual movie theater since the Trump administration, but the trailer looks … like a wild ride.
Next up? How about Beyoncé just leaning right the hell in to invading country music? What an album cover:
This album has been over five years in the making. It was born out of an experience that I had years ago where I did not feel welcomed…and it was very clear that I wasn’t.
That would be a direct (allegedly) call back to her 2016 CMA Awards performance with the Dixie Chicks (no, it ain't The Chicks. It's the Dixie Chicks), when the wokesters running the event decided to put Beyoncé on stage to celebrate 50 years of country music. Odd.
Legend has it that some dude named Alan Jackson actually got up during the set and walked his ass right out of the room. True story.
Anyway, looks like she hasn't forgotten and is about to declare war on the rest of country music. Buckle up.
Finally, just to take this class full circle, here's what you missed from MLB Opening Day because you were sleeping and/or didn't really know it was happening.
Two main takeaways? Shohei Ohtani's wife is gonna be a star this year, and the fellas over at ESPN were clearly LOCKED into the big game!
Take us home, fake Megan Fox!
Ryan Clark and Mad Dog NAILED that highlight.
From woke Rhino stumbling out of the gates, to ‘Dog telling Jake Cronenworth he’s gotta make that play even though the ball literally pierced through his glove, it was excellent analysis from start to finish.
Good stuff from the World Wide Leader!
OK, that's all I have for today. I'd end the day with a Britney Spears pic in honor of Anthony, but she, of course, deleted her Instagram for the 15th time this month, so you'll have to settle for Megan Fox talking about stipper titties.
Enjoy!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Haley Cavinder the next great NFL WAG? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.