The Gripe Report: Hand Sanitizer Dispensers, People Reviewing Things They Never Bought, Speakers On the Beach
I'm back in the Sunshine State after some time in Minnesota, and very thankful I got home before air travel stopped functioning.
It was a good trip, but believe you me, there was some gripe fodder…
Have a gripe? Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com
Minneapolis is a bit of a woke town. This was immediately clear when within two hours of landing, I was in a downtown Target and a middle-aged dude who worked there and was still wearing a mask in July 2024 was explaining to me how charging people for plastic bags was "awesome" and "the wave of the future."
It's neither of those things…
But that's not my gripe (well, it is; just not the one I want to talk about right now), but it does date back to the early days of COVID, which I think that guy was still living in.
COVID brought about thousands of free-standing hand sanitizer stations. I like these things, not because of germs, but because I hate when there's grease, dirt, or stickiness on my hands. Few things bug me more than one of the neighboring soda nozzles drips on my hand while I'm pouring a nice cool Coke Zero.
So, these sanitizer stands are nice to get my mitts nice and fresh.
But here's the problem: no one is bothering to refill them.
In the hotel I stayed in they had one hand sanitizer station by the elevators on every floor and another by the lobby coffee station. On one trip down to get a little lobby coffee, I got cucked by all three of them.
Three fruitless attempts at getting some sanitizer from three different dispensers. That's unacceptable.
He hotels, stores, and other businesses: if you're not going to refill hand sanitizer dispensers, please get rid of them so I stop looking stupid. (Getty Images)
Look, if you're not going to keep those dispensers nice and stocked, why not just get rid of them? They're not aesthetically pleasing, so it's not like when you go to someone's house and they have a non-working rotary phone on a shelf because they think it looks cool.
These now-useless things are everywhere and they're either empty, or on the off chance that one works, it has this weird warm hand sanitizer in it that feels like someone just loogied in your hand.
Bottles of Purell are under a dollar pretty much everywhere. If you want some of it, buy a bottle and keep it in the center console of your car like I do, that way you can stop wasting your time holding your hands under empty dispensers like I was.
Alright, now that we solved that one, let's see what some of you fine readers are griping about this week…
This next gripe is a bit abstract and I wasn't sure how to illustrate it so here's Jim Carrey and Renee Zellweger in the movie <i>Me, Myself & Irene</i>. (Photo By Getty Images)
People Who Misuse ‘Myself’
Tony wrote in to talk about a grammar gripe that he's sick of encountering:
When did "myself" replace "me" in the English language? I hear it all the time, and it's like nails on a chalkboard...
Example:
Send the notes to John and myself.
Proper usage:
Don't worry, I will be able to do it by myself.
…
That's not the most egregious faux pas I've ever heard (people who say "could of" instead of "could've" drive me insane), but it's still frustrating.
I think this is one way dumb people try to sound smarter. Dopes think that adding superfluous syllables to sentences makes them sound smarter or fancier. I think that's why they won't just say "John and me" in Tony's example, and instead go with "myself" because they think they're tacking on an extra book-learnin' syllable.
There's some truth to this. Saying "Home Box Office" sounds a little more hoighty toighty than "HBO."
It could also be a byproduct of texting and social media. Sure, language evolves over time but just getting things wrong isn't an evolution, it's falling apart.
Schools used to be the language goalkeepers, but now too many are obsessed with indoctrinating kids instead of teaching them how to read and write the correct way.
Although, credit where it's due: I think more kids know what pronouns are now than at any other time in the history of the English language, but at what price?
For some unknown reason, there are folks who feel compelled to review items they never bought. (Getty Images)
Non-Answer Answers
Benny in Oklahoma wrote in to call attention to a phenomenon I think we've all encountered that leaves us wondering, *Jerry Seinfeld voice* "Who are these people who leave reviews or answer questions about things they didn't buy?!":
Here is a gripe I have, mainly because I see it all the time: why do people answer questions about products they never bought??
I'll be looking up specs on a product online, making sure it fits what I need. If the specs don't answer my question, I'll look through the Q&A to see if anyone has had the same question.
This past week, I had a downspout project for my water barrel. I tried the plastic flex ones, but it wasn't any match for the Oklahoma sun. So, I decided to upgrade. I'm looking on the Lowes app, looking up sizes/angles for the vinyl type elbows. As I'm going through the Q&A, someone asks a question about the thickness of the material. And someone answers: "I am not sure, I purchased the metal type downspouts"
Why the hell would anyone waste their time (and ours) answering a question that does absolutely nothing to actually answer the question?? Are they bored? Do they need a hobby? Are they just annoying trolls waiting for Mommy to bring them their hot pockets for lunch? I'm pretty sure they need friends because nobody wants to be friends with that kind of stupidity.
Yes, I admit this is a petty gripe, and doesn't ruin my day. But it is something I see frequently online and it's pretty annoying.
I'm off my soapbox now. Thanks for a great column allowing us all to vent and laugh.
…
Great email, Benny (I was especially fond of the last part, but I may be biased).
I have no clue why people do this at all. Some of it may be trolling, but I think a lot of it is just that some people think the Internet is speaking directly to them.
Like, if they see a box asking "Have you purchased this product?" they feel compelled to say, "No, I have not."
I mean, in their defense, it would be rude to not answer when someone asks you a question, right?
Sure, they're trying to be helpful, but people need to have a better sense of when their attempt at helping isn't helpful at all. All it does is clutter up the real reviews that people are trying to sift through.
Having said all of this, these answers are usually unintentionally hilarious.
You see a lot of this in one of my favorite corners of the internet Reddit's r/oldpeoplefacebook. If you need a good laugh, that's a good spot.
Not as good of a spot for a laugh as OutKick, but once you read everything we've got here, that's a good place to go.
It looks like this woman is headed down to the beach to turn some head and annoy the hell out of anyone who set up shop within about forty yards of her. (Getty Images)
Bluetooth Speakers On The Beach
If you spend any time around a public, swimmable body of water this summer, you will encounter exactly what Derek in NC wanted to gripe about:
Just spent the 4th of July holiday at the beach and the people with speakers are the worst!!! I don't mind some quiet music for the people under your Shibumi, but when you roll in the speaker tower, you've crossed the line! Then the other groups started turning up their music to compete and all of a sudden I've got Tim McGraw, death metal, and foreign language rap battling it out. I had to just stand in the ocean and drink because the beach was ruined!
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Ugh. This one hits close to home.
My girlfriend and I take a speaker with us down to the pool but are ultra-conscious about the volume. I mean, like we turn it on then kind of walk around to see how much range it has.
Others do not offer the same courtesy.
I don't get the people who decided to drag a small PA system with them to the beach. All you need is a small speaker and you're good to go.
No one wants to hear your music, just as much as you don't want to hear theirs. Keep it to a reasonable volume.
Also, how is it that people who blast music like that always have the worst taste? I've never heard the Beatles' Revolver or the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds blasted out of a Bluetooth speaker on the beach, but I think I have heard every mumble rapper on SoundCloud get that treatment.
While we're talking about music on the beach, let's talk beach music. Certain genres are well suited for the beach. Reggae, yacht rock, anything by Jimmy Buffett.
But just because you like something inland, doesn't mean it's good on the beach.
For instance, Derek mentioned death metal. I enjoy a nice dose of death metal (not all metal is death metal, by the way. I don't mean to be that guy, but it's a distinct genre, believe it or not).
However, it's terrible beach music. Cannibal Corpse is all well and good when you're trying to get pumped up or working out, but it's terrible when you're trying to unwind with your toes in the sand.
Next time you're at the beach, maybe click the volume down a bit.
But if you insist on playing it loud, at least make sure you have decent taste in tunes.
…
And that's it for another edition of The Gripe Report. Be back here next week — same time, same place — for more sweet, sweet complaining.
In the meantime, send those gripes in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com