The Gripe Report: More Gym Gripes, Sick Co-Workers

Welcome back to another edition of The Gripe Report.

I hope all is well where you are because it has been a wild week.

Part of the country was on fire, another part was covered in snow, and another part was unseasonably cold.

I live in Central Florida, one of those places that was unseasonably cold, and while I grew up in the North where it got cold enough for us to lace ‘em up on frozen ponds and canals, I can’t handle the cold anymore.

I don’t know the science behind it, but while I used to not bat an eye at single digits if the thermometer dunks into the 40s, I feel like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining.

Got a gripe? Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

It’s bad and it affects everyone. Even my dog, who has experienced the cold, needs to be bundled up in a blanket like ET (The Extraterrestrial, just so you don’t get him mixed up with all of the other ETs) because he’s shivering.

But my gripe isn’t the cold itself, my gripe is that people brush off my gripes about the cold.

Here in Florida, 40 degrees is cold as hell. That’s throw some tarps over the orange groves weather.

But in other parts of the country, 40 degrees is practically balmy.

While temperature is what it is, how we respond to it is relative and I think we need to allow complaining based on relative temps.

If I want to be a wuss about it getting down to 44° last night, I don’t need to hear about how it’s nothing. I know it’s nothing, but it’s cold for me after living in Florida for a while.

This works the other way. I’m not going to dunk on people who complain about a heatwave in the ‘90s when it’s so hot outside in Florida I can practically look outside and see geckos catching on fire.

Anyway… we're still early in the new year, and last week we talked about people who will flock to the gym only to quit on their resolutions within about two weeks.

That spawned a couple of other gym-related gripes, so let's get to them!

"Hang on, bro, I'm using this machine, bro…" (Getty Images)

People Who Surf The Net At The Gym

Our first gym gripe comes from — funnily enough — Jim, and he's got people who set up shop on gym equipment to surf the net in his crosshairs:

I'm ok with the new people - most get locked in for a year so their memberships subsidize those of us who go regularly, year round.
And a few may stay and get in shape. Good for them.

My gripe is morons who sit on equipment and stare at their f*****g phone. Or text or make calls. Watch videos. Not picking a playlist for a few seconds, but literally sit on the equipment, especially at peak times. 5-10-15 minutes and then do 1 set.

I complained to a manager of one I go to and he said I should say something to them. Not their staff.
Right. I can imagine how that could go. 

I suggested he place chairs around the gym and by equipment for those people to sit and look at the phone. Then they can tell people they went to the gym.
And - mark the chair as a place to sit and play with the phone. He didn't do it but I think it would make the point.

…

I hate this behavior. There's nothing worse than wanting to blast your quads, but some dude is sitting on the machine watching YouTube videos.

Jim is right, a lot of people are doing this just so they can tell everyone they went to the gym. That's why most people do a lot of things. 

That was the concept behind my brilliant idea for a salad chain that serves burgers on top of salads called "Technically Still Salad." The idea is that people can still tell people that they had a salad for lunch.

Jim came up with "Technically Still The Gym."

I love the idea because someone has to do something about this. It has become an epidemic. Personally, I love any excuse to get off my phone, and wailing on my pecs, bruh, is a perfect excuse.

The gym should do something about this too, not farm it out to members. That's ridiculous.

This is perfectly acceptable footwear… just not at the gym. (Getty Images)

Crocs At The Gym

Long-time Gripe Report readers (we need a name for this. Gripies? Gripe Heads? Gripeonauts? I’m open to ideas) will know that I have an affinity for a certain molded rubber shoe named after an aquatic reptile and one of our regulars, William, loves to bust my chops about it.

As he should, frankly.

I didn’t think this was possible but with his most recent anti-Crocs salvo, William may have found my line in the sand when it comes to Crocs:

Good afternoon,

Since you’re in favor of crocs and socks. What is your opinion of Crocs and socks at the gym to workout in?

…

Oh, jeez…

Yeah, I like some Crocs and socks every now and again. It’s comfortable as hell.

But at the gym? Look, there are plenty of signs that our society is breaking down, and here’s another.

When did sneakers become not comfortable enough for people? I get wanting to get the proper support and comfort for your feet when you're working out, and that's pretty much what modern sneakers are designed to do.

But apparently, for some, they don't do a good enough job and that's why we're seeing Crocs and slides and all kinds of other nonsense when people are working out.

I think we're just a few months away from someone hopping on a machine in Mickey Mouse Slippers or running on a treadmill with pillows tied to their feet.

Also, I'd like to see people put in at least a small amount of effort before leaving the house. I'm reasonable, tying shoes is enough effort for me and decent that has become a bridge too far for some.

This dude is about to blast his germs on everyone in the office. (Getty Images)

Co-Workers Who Get Everyone Sick

We’re in the winter months which means it’s prime time for various bugs and viruses to tear their way through workplaces and that is what Joe is talking about this week.

It’s a long message, but I’ll hit some highlights:

I’m emailing you at 2 AM, not because I’ve been out drinking, but because this disgusting human got me and (by the sounds of it yesterday afternoon) fully a ¼ of my floor sick…

…Monday morning, he rolls in, and is obviously sick.  Not light dry cough from the A/C sick, but wet sick.  I keep a stack of paper towels at my desk in case I have to sneeze even an A/C-induced sneeze.  He sneezes into his hand and gets back to work on a daily basis, but remember, this is a wet sick.  You can hear the phlegm when he’s talking, sneezing and coughing.  When he coughs, does he even pull the move of coughing inside his jacket, into a sleeve, or anything?  Of course not, just into open air…

…Tuesday, he tries to get my attention, and I’m preloaded to be pissed at him already.  He invades my cube, on his way to stand over me and touch my chair, cube wall, etc.,  and I’ve had enough.  I stand up forcefully, shake my head no, and motion for him to back the F up.  I’ve got 40 pounds on him, and I don’t know if he can define what a gym is.  He looks utterly confused, and I blurt (thankfully it didn’t go any farther,) "No, you’re sick."  He takes Wednesday off (not out of sickness, but for his kid’s birthday.)  Thursday, he’s still sick, and leaves early.  I’m starting to feel the tickle in my throat.  By the end of the day, I hear the telltale plague cough from cube after cube.  Why?  This MF’er sneezes into his hand and uses the communal coffee machine 6-8 times a day without washing his hands.

…

This sounds terrible, but it did remind me of one of the funniest things I’ve ever read and that was a letter in Jeanne Marie Laskas’ "Ask Laskas" advice column in Reader’s Digest that I found when I was a kid (why was I reading this in my youth? Fair question, but if you must know, my USA Hockey magazines and Simpsons comic books were out of reach, and Reader’s Digest was the periodical nearest the toilet at the time).

Someone wrote in about a gross co-worker like Joe’s except this one was a lady with a BO problem.

Jeanne Marie Laskas’ sage wisdom for this situation was to buy her a basket full of soap and tell the person writing the letter to maybe tell the BO lady about a time something embarrassing happened to her.

Terrible advice.

Anyway… 

The lack of self-awareness that it takes to become the office sick/gross guy is astounding. All you have to do is keep yourself clean and if you've got the sniffles take a sick day.

Sure, no one likes falling behind on work, but isn't it incredible that it's usually the sick/gross guys who have perfect attendance?

I know not everyone has the option to work from home, but reading this tale of coughing and sneezing was one of the moments where I was very happy I was afforded that luxury.

…

That's it for this edition of The Gripe Report.

We'll be back at it next week, so in the meantime, be sure to send in those gripes: mattreigleoukick@gmail.com