The Gripe Report: Hot Dogs And Buns Need To Work Together; Deceptive Pricing Is A Sham

Whew, it’s been a week ‘round these parts, but for another edition of The Gripe Report!

I don’t know if you know this, but it’s officially football season, and boy, do I already feel like I’m in mid-season form. We’re one game into the season and I’m already mad about my decision to start Mark Andrews at tight end on my fantasy team.

Football is back, baby!

Have a gripe? Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

As great as that is thought, it does mean that we’re in the waning days of summer, and the Labor Day festivities reminded me of a gripe that I think I have after every single summer grilling holiday.

So, let’s get rolling with that.

Hot dog and hot dog bun manufacturers: can we please all get on the same page about how many dogs or buns come in a pack. Your products are partners! (Getty Images)

Hot Dogs And Buns

There are few things that I enjoy as much as firing up the grill on a holiday. I love grabbing a cold one while I flip those burgers and dogs to absolute perfection.

Speaking of dogs, I had a bit of a problem with them this year, and frankly every year, and that’s because never in my entire life, have I had the number of dogs in a pack and the number of buns work out to be the same.

Now, I know that this gripe is kind of hacky at this point. It’s a little like going up at the Improv and doing 5 minutes on airline food and how men and women are different in various ways (that last one used to be a premise for a bit, now you have to constantly remind people of this fact).

But the dog-to-bun ratio is so all over the place that I think the hot dog industry is just f–-king with me at this point.

We all know that buns come in packs of 8, 10, or 12 and according to hot-dog.org — which is real, and I get the sense that the ",org" part is critical — but the only solution they have is to buy five eight-packs of wieners and 10 4 packs of buns so it all works out.

Guys, that’s… (*counts on fingers*)... very many hot dogs and buns. 

I was not cooking for Joey Chestnut, I just needed 8 dogs to match my 8-pack of buns.

That seemed doable, until I got the dogs out of the fridge and there were seven of them.

Seven! Nothing comes in a pack of seven! And here’s where this gets even more frustrating: I like the hot dogs that come in from the grocery store bakery, which are available in a 6-pack, leaving me one bunless dog.

Truth be told, I’d rather have that than have a ton of buns left over. You’re bound to get at least one person who is watching carbs and eschews a bun. You’ll never get anyone who says, "Hold the dog, pal: give me some relish on a hot dog bun and I’m good."

That’d be a psycho move.

We just need to do a standard eight-pack for dogs and buns so that idiots like me can plan accordingly. No more of this seven-pack nonsense.

Also, while we're at it, let’s get on the same page about dog and bun length. I see brands that offer "bun-length dogs." Why is that considered a specialty dog? That should be the standard. If you want to do a short dog or a dog so long it bounces like Lamar Latrelle’s javelin from Revenge of the Nerds, then be my guest, but those should be the optional dogs. Every other dog should fit the buns like a glove.

Sometimes it feels like there's some psychological warfare happening with the way some things are priced. (Getty images)

Deceptive Pricing

Here’s a gripe from Greg about something we've all dealt with more than a few times, and that's stores trying to use deceptive methods to make you think you're getting a real deal:

I need to put a shed in my back yard so I was looking online to see what’s out there. I was looking at Menards and want to gripe about the way they advertise their prices. Just because you are going to give me a $110 rebate to use on my next purchase doesn’t mean my price after rebate is only $890. My bank is going to give Menards $1,000.  That is the price. Giving me $110 to use later does not reduce what I pay. I think it’s a crock.  Keep giving the rebates if you want to but stop trying to BS people into thinking they are paying less than they are. The words they use are not accurate and they should stop using those words.

…

I'm with you, Greg.

At this point, I think everyone is hip to these methods of making customers think that they're getting a deal, so why not just stop?

I don't even like prices ending with 0.99 cents. Everything should be a round number if possible and at worst, no smaller than a quarter. Some of us are terrible at math.

And as far as rebates, half the time I don't even factor them into prices because I'm pretty sure the store or manufacturer is banking on me not sending it in, and they're probably right.

I can only remember one time that I ever sent in a mail-in rebate and that was on my contact lenses (an important purchase, because, fun fact about me: I enjoy seeing things). But even that was a chore. I kept forgetting and then I'd always remember it at very inopportune moments. I'd be driving or about to sleep, and I'd remember that I had to mail that postcard, only to forget. When I finally did get it in the mail it felt like I had a major victory over those bastards Bausch + Lomb.

Like I said, I think that's what they want. Some people will think they're getting a good deal with the rebate, and buy something because of it. However, of the ten who do that, I bet maybe only two or three actlow through so in the end the manufacturer ends up doing alright in the end.

I need a new set of contacts soon — again, I'm a big vision guy — and if they try that rebate garbage with me again I'll report back.

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That's it for this nice, neat, and tidy edition of The Gripe Report.

Meet back here next week — same Gripe Time, same Gripe Place — for more!

In the meantime, be sure to send in any and all gripes!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com