The Gripe Report: Gym Chatter, Speakerphones, Folks Who Can't Accept Empty Sodas

One of the things I’ve really enjoyed about doing The Gripe Report the last few weeks is interacting with some of you fine readers. 

I‘ve had a lot of fun going through gripes each week, so be sure to keep ‘em coming.

Got a gripe? Send it in: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

I want to give a couple of shout-outs to some readers who offered solutions to the lime dilemma I talked about last week.

If you didn’t read that one, I think I speak for everyone when I say it was one of the Internet’s great articles, and luckily for you — and terribly for anyone seeking public office — the Internet is forever, and you can read it at your leisure in the link below.

READ: THE GRIPE REPORT: HOTELS, DRIVE-THRUS, AND ECLIPSE CLOSURES

However, if you missed it, I have a problem where I cut a piece of lime to throw in a delicious, post-work gin and tonic. The problem is that I wind up cutting a slice, but by the next time I go to make my next G&T the lime is all weird, dried up, and rendered useless.

First world problem? Yes, but that's still a problem.

Luckily there were some solutions. The first comes from Chris:

Hi, Matt - this is complicated, but might just help you with the limes. Works great for us -- Chris

That message was accompanied by a link to the Glad Bags website.

Thanks, Chris; I deserved that one…

The other solution came from Scott in South Carolina:

How about finding a use for the rest of the lime? So you find yourself with gin and limes. How about using some soda instead of tonic and squeeze the rest of the lime juice in the glass, garnish with lime, and you have a gin rickey? Best summer drink ever. Problem solved. 

Now that one I like. First, it doesn’t make me seem like quite as much of an idiot, and also uses the entire fruit before it becomes garbage disposal fodder. 

It reminds me of how Indians would use every part of the buffalo… just with limes.

Alright, enough with last week, let’s crack our knuckles and talk about some fresh gripes, shall we?

Where better to have a chat with a friend than at the gym… of course, that's only if you don't include anywhere else as an option. (Getty Images)

Talking On The Phone At The Gym (And Gym Chit Chat In General)

I honestly can’t believe that we’re a few editions into The Gripe Report and we haven’t touched on gym etiquette. It’s a place where there are a lot of rules — both written and unwritten — when you hit the gym.

At a lot of places, talking on speakerphone in the gym might be unwritten simply because no one would think anyone would be that dumb to do it, but as GBS in NJ reports to us, there’s at least one person who is:

I belong to the YMCA in my town, and I was on an exercise machine yesterday, and a young woman next to me got on and was talking on her phone. And not just that, she was on a speaker. So I heard both ends of the conversation even over the music I had going in my AirPods in my ear. After she hung up and made a second call, I said something to her about that not being allowed. And she said to me literally, "But I am on the phone."

And I replied, "Yes, that’s exactly the point and the problem. It’s incredibly rude and distracting. And it’s also not allowed." She was really unhappy because she seemed like the kind of young woman who has never been told anything.  So essentially, my gripe is people who talk on the phone at the gym. You’re there to work. Go out into the lobby if you want to go on the phone. How hard can you actually be working out if you’re on the phone? 

…

I’m sure this young woman’s phone call wasn’t an important one. She wasn’t closing a business deal or talking a fellow surgeon through an operation.

Nope. Just gabbing with a gal pal.

I get that it can be hard to get to the gym sometimes, but if you're there, why not just commit to your brisk treadmill sesh or throwing down some nice, crisp bicep curls?

The gym should be one of the least chatty places on Earth, yet for some reason, people seem to love chit-chatting on and around exercise equipment.

True story: I was in my apartment complex gym in the clubhouse, and I was in there once (more than once, but not too much more) at like 9:30 at night. I was minding my own business, tossing a kettlebell around while listening to the audiobook version of Simpsons writer Mike Reiss' book Springfield Confidential. Let me tell you, nothing gets your blood flowing like hearing about where Comic Book Guy came from.

Just as he was explaining why Matt Groening took his name off the episode A Star Is Burns, three people entered the gym talking at an obscenely loud level. After a couple of minutes, I realized they were just sitting on various pieces of equipment and not working out (though one girl was holding a small dumbbell to get by on a technicality, which, weirdly, I respected).

For some reason, they decided to have their chat in the gym occupied by another stranger — me — instead of down the hall in the sitting area with comfortable couches, and no handsome bloggers throwing kettlebells around in a bid to work off the Italian beef sandwich he had for dinner.

People just love talking in gyms.

The other part of this gripe that hit me is the incredulity with which this young lady (who sounds like a delight, by the way) couldn't believe anyone would call her out on her rudeness.

That just goes to show why it needs to happen more often. It's like exposure therapy for jerks.

This lady. is 100 percent despised by everyone else on this bus. (Getty Images)

Speaker Phones In Public

We don't normally do this, but there's a secondary gripe from that initial gripe: and that is the scourge of speakerphones in public.

The amount of times I've encountered this — especially over the last few years — is wild.

I'm not talking about people sitting on park benches and flapping their gums into a Samsung, I see this semi-regularly at the grocery store.

I don't know about you, but if there's one place I feel like I'm most likely to encounter someone I know, it's at the grocery store. So, to that point, why would you want people you know to hear your conversations just on the off chance that something you wouldn't want them to know about comes up?

Plus, there's the obvious issue: it's just flat-out rude. 

Putting your phone on speaker adds to the cacophony of grocery store noise, plus, for some reason, people feel the need to yell when they put their phone on speaker. It's like turning your conversation up to 11.

The most absurd place I've ever encountered a speakerphoner was in the waiting room at my then-therapist's office. It was nice and quiet, then all of a sudden a fellow patient decided she had business to tend to. Her phone call on speaker — meaning I could hear the ringing — got voice mail, and then shouted a message that would've been much better suited as a text message.

Why she couldn't have sent a silent text message I'll never know. If there's a silver lining it's that she was already in a therapist's office so she knew she has some problems that need working out.

What's the worst place you've encountered someone using speakerphone? Let me know by sending an email to mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.

<i>*Slurping sounds* </i>(Getty Images)

People Who Keep Trying To Drink From An Empty Soda

I didn't set out to have a theme this week, but as I was Frankensteining this edition of The Gripe Report together, I realized the theme: people who do rude things in public, seemingly unaware that they're making everyone in their proximity hate them.

Let's add folks who can't come to terms with their drink being empty. Take it away, JT:

You know what I hate?  People who slurp the last few molecules of soda through their straw, and it's like they never stop.  They know all that's left in the cup is ice, but they'll continue making that awful sound like it's going to spontaneously refill.  What the hell man!?  We need to pass a law about that.  You get maximum two slurps, then you gotta get rid of the cup!  One month in jail for a first offense.

…

This is one of those things that I think everyone can accept happens accidentally, but when it's done repeatedly, yeah, it becomes nails on a chalkboard.

I feel like this is a common issue in movie theaters. To a degree, I get it. When I drop $9 on a Coke Zero, I'll be damned if I'm not going to Hoover up as much as possible.

However, you've got to take into account that everyone will hate you for making that deafening slurping noise.

JT hit the nail on the head with this one. People who do this act like they're working through the stages of grief, but get stuck in denial. It's like they can't accept that they've reached the bottom of the Mountain Dew well.

I love the two-slurp rule (although a month in jail for breaking it might be a bit tough). That's because the first slurp is usually accidental. You either don't realize you're on "E" or you hit one of those beverage-less ice cube caverns.

That's the brilliance of the two-slurp rule: you get one shot to take another exploratory sip that'll hit paydirt, or you have to put the cup down.

That sounds more than fair.

…

That's it for this edition of The Gripe Report. Thanks for checking it out, whether you're a first-time reader or a returning Griper.

So, as always, if you've got anything to complain about — anything that annoys you to no end and your wife has threatened you with a divorce if you keep complaining about it to her — type that puppy up in an email and send it to me: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.