Grace Boor Has Her Content Dialed In Heading Into The Super Bowl, Eagles Fans Gone Wild & I Love Edging
How are we feeling about a Super Bowl that we just got two years ago?
Worst-case scenario.
All I was asking was for new blood and I got a Kelce vs. a retired Kelce Super Bowl. The only saving grace is that my employer has the rights to this Super Bowl, so they will not be promoting Jason Kelce like the Disney executives promote Jason Kelce. Thank god.
What do we even do with this Super Bowl? What storyline do you even care about outside of Eagles fans on Bourbon Street acting like maniacs?
I'm out of material, guys.
Here are my options:
- A.J. Brown drives a Civic
- The Eagles have a white defensive back
- Eagles fans climb light poles
- A.J. Brown's book
What am I missing?
OMG, we are witnessing greatness. The Jordan of this generation. You should be excited to see history.
Actually, I'm not, and the thought of not being excited for a Super Bowl has never crossed my mind. This year, it's firmly in my head.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
— John from SD isn't pumped:
Strongly considering not watching the SB this year. I mentioned this to my wife during the first half of the Bills game, if the Bills lost. I said if it’s Chiefs v Elgses I’m not interested. She immediately fired back at me as an anti T swift comment. 100% no, just two teams and QBs I have no interest in seeing in a game, much less than the SB.
— Redskins fan Chris A. isn't exactly excited:
A message to Eagles Nation.
I have spent a good deal of my life dispising you. That said, for the next two weeks, I will hold my nose and embrace a shade of green between, what Crayola refers to as, Early Onset Rigor Mortis and Radioactive Barf. I have said Fly Eagles Fly only once. The actual words, "Fly Eagles Fly, headlong into the swinging arm of a large windmill turbine during a brisk breeze."
However, based on the events of Sunday, I have reconsidered my outlook. I believe the Kansas City Chiefs to be a team no one outside the players family, friends and yocals should embrace. They are banal to the core. Mahomes is worth rooting for but barely. Between their coach, the obnoxious brother of QB1, a tight end who no doubt spends his spare time as a wide receiver, their tiresome vocalist bandwagon fan who would find it difficult differentiating between half time and quarter time, they should be summarily ridiculed at every turn.
Therefore, I will say for the first time, with full throat and without the slightest hint of sarcasm, Fly Eagles Fly. Please win.
As for Nate Burleson lecturing fans on how they shouldn't feel burnout, kiss my ass. I'm the consumer. If I'm burned out, I'm burned out. Is this gaslighting? I'm not huge on the new hip words.
‘I played TPC Sawgrass today’
Bo in Michigan had himself quite a Sunday while I sat there watching the Bills run the tush push 80 times for 0 yards.
— Great American Bo in MI reports:
Joe, thanks for keeping your finger on the pulse of real America. What an amazing time to be alive (unlike Joe Biden). Trump is crushing libs like a blackjack dealer in Vegas on a heater.
I saw that a fast food place (Steak and Shake?) is going back to beef tallow for their fries. It’s probably one of the least impactful things that has happened, but what a wonderful thing. We can finally get good fries again!
I had the pleasure of playing TPC Sawgrass today. I’m not the best golfer in the world, but I’ve played my fair share of high-end courses. By far the most difficult course I’ve ever played. I happened to be here in Jacksonville so easy call to fill a bucket list item. Made me wonder what SC folks have on their bucket list? I parred the 17th..center pin, not much wind, and I don’t do it for a living. Hit it into the only rough on the green, next to the bunker. The pressure on the pros has gotta be crazy on that hole, especially when the wind is blowing. Highly recommend!
Chiefs-Bills on now..Bills beat my Broncos but cheering for them to beat Jackson Mahomes brother. If not maybe Saquon Barkley can rip their hearts out in the SB. Congrats on the Natty and thanks for what you do. God Bless America!
‘The time I saw Wade Boggs grab Dan Quayle’s nuts from behind at a golf reception in Cabo'
— Anonymous But Someone Who Has Sent Me Dozens of Emails writes:
In 2009, I was invited to a relatively small event in Cabo that benefited the charitable foundation of a player on the Arizona Diamondbacks. Rather than the typical celebrity golf event, this was a marlin fishing tournament where several participants and a celebrity would head out on a chartered boat and see who could catch the most estimated weight of marlins over the course of the day. One of the attendees was on the foundation’s board and one of his guests was former vice president Dan Quayle.
After being out on the boat all day, we would head back to the resort to shower and change and then go to a local restaurant for dinner and the awards presentation. After dinner, they bussed us to Sammy Hagar’s Cantina. The group itself was relatively tame and well behaved; almost all of the guys just enjoying a few drinks and pleasant conversation. Quayle was great with everybody, and, again, there were several athlete celebrities in attendance. One of them was Wade Boggs, who, living up to his reputation, was pounding Miller Lites literally all day. At the after dinner reception, he would sneak up behind people and "monkey bite" them, kind of a pinch to the upper inner thigh. He would then kind of shuffle away giggling like a little kid. He did it to Quayle, which kind of shocked everybody, but Dan could not have been a better sport about it.
Fast forward a few months, and I’m back in Cincinnati playing an early season round of golf with a few buddies. One of them asked me if I had done anything fun over the winter. I responded "Well, I saw Wade Boggs grab Dan Quayle’s nuts from behind at Sammy Hagar‘s bar in Cabo." As you might imagine, play halted for a moment as that comment hovered over the group. One of the guys then said "That sounds like a sentence you form in one of those Mad Libs books.
So, to answer Mark’s question, if Quayle still had Secret Service protection, we never saw them and I think they might’ve taken Wade Boggs away to a dark room somewhere if they were there.
— Chris writes:
My brother was in the Secret Service. He’s pretty tight lipped about it and I don’t ask him many questions as I know I’m going to get nothing out of him. He wasn’t one of those guys who didn’t say what he did, but always thought it was a job and people shouldn’t be writing books or doing TV interviews with what was going on behind the scenes.
He shared a few things here and there, more so when it came to identity theft, counterfeit, and interviewing people who made a threat about doing something to the president (some of those were pretty wild); but definitely doesn’t like the armchair QB’s, especially when it comes to politicians thinking they know everything and one of the reasons why he left several years ago.
Hopefully Trump can restore order as there really are some good men and women in that department.
This will answer your question on who gets protection, https://www.secretservice.gov/about/faq/general.
Fauci probably got it as he was so hated and who was ever running the show while Biden was in office gave it to him.
Sunday Screencaps won't load for me! Is it a Sunday thing?
— Vince emails:
Every Sunday Screencaps crashes multiple times when I click the read more button. It doesn’t happen Mon-Sat, but it does every Sunday for poor Sean Jo. Wondering if you’ve heard this from others or if it’s just my issue. Thanks.
Kinsey:
That's the first I've heard of such an issue, Vince. For it to be a Sunday-only problem is definitely weird and makes me wonder if SeanJo is jerking around with his post in some odd way. I'll have to investigate.
— Chiefs fan Eric in Kansas had a similar issue:
Today’s edition was impossible to read on my iPhone. It just keeps reloading when I get down to the first Air Corgi videos. Can’t get past it.
I know this is Sean’s day to write Screencaps, but you are the VP so I’m letting you know about it.
Check your local laws before shooting the rabbits
— Otis in Mobile jumps into the mix on this one:
Jeff in Colorado is partly right on the rabbit season, but your state may have an exception for animals destructing property, for instance: so as far as
Alabama regulation 220-2-. 27 allows a property owner or tenant to remove one rabbit per incident that is causing damage to said individual's property without a permit. Local laws and ordinances may prohibit the discharge of firearms in your area.
So if the rabbits are destroying your yard, that is an incident. One a day until they are all gone. Of course, check the laws in your state.
Unique winter leagues that you play, or played in
— Brandon in Pinckney, MI has one:
Had to respond to the emailer about unique winter leagues members have been a part of. Well, for close to 10 yrs I ran the Broomball league for WPAFB in Dayton. At our peak we had 8 teams of about 6-8 players per team. Rented out the ice at Kettering Ice Arena and we ran two sideboard to sideboard leagues.
Broomball is essentially hockey without skates, and the "brooms" are basically lacrosse sticks with a rubber trapezoid at the end to whack the ball with. The ball is a little bit bigger than an softball and is an inflatable rubber, when fully pumped about the firmness of a outdoor basketball.
The teams were typically base squadron or office based- we had usually 3-5 teams from my home office of the National Air and Space Intelligence Center, and then the other teams would be from Air Force Institute of Technology, AF Research Labs, a contractor company team, or one of the acquisition offices.
League was co-ed 4on4 plus a goalie (you had to have at least one female on ice at all times). We had everyone from 18 yr old fresh out of basic training enlisted to general officer equivalent civilians in their 60s playing. Even had a future White House National Security Advisor in the league. There was a core of us that played either hockey or broomball in college and we were the main recruiters.
We played Monday nights, typically from 7-9p, and had the ice for 2 hrs. "The Greene" high end outdoor mall had opened right around when we started the league and was across the street from the ice rink, so a group of us would usually hit a rotating happy hour at one of the restaurants in the mall before the game, and then perform "stink and drink" at a watering hole nearby (Kings Table in Beavercreek, home of the $1 grilled cheese and 87 taps was a favorite) afterwards.
Teams would get really into it, making custom jerseys (we were the Dayton Frozen Ferrets), creating interoffice Trophy Games (The Counterspace Cup, Chief's Whistle, etc), kids would form cheering sections for their parents, we even had two marriages out of relationships built through the league... In addition to the league trophy (a red solo cup mounted on a platform that expanded each year like the Stanley cup), championship swag was awarded at the end of the year (usually winter knit hats with league champs embroidered on it). The captain of the champ team got to keep the trophy on his desk or office for the year. It was the greatest esprit d' corps that base ever saw.
League stood down soon after I left Dayton because it was a hassle organizing and a city sponsored league started up that used the outdoor rink on the banks of the Miami River in Downtown Dayton. But I still see guys and girls from the league time to time at conferences and we always toast one to the MOBL (Midwest Ohio broomball league). I can send photos of you want... Just have to dig them out of the archive. Website might still be active.....
Kinsey:
As a Daytonian by birth, I love to hear from those of you who spent time at WPAFB in secret government jobs.
Since Brandon spent time at WPAFB, let's see if he wants to answer a real question: Are there aliens buried under the WPAFB runways?
For those of us who have driven Harshman Ave. our entire lives, it's time for Brandon C. to end this once and for all. Are there secret bunkers under the WPAFB runways that are holding aliens and alien spacecraft?
Go ahead, tell us what you know.
Relax, NSA, there's no need to bug my iPhone. Brandon's just settling a debate so many Daytonians have had over their lifetimes. I played soccer on those runways. I want to know if aliens were below my cleats during the Warrior Classic tournaments.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
January rugby in Texas
— Mike N. shares:
I apologize if you are getting this email twice.
My oldest son’s Texas A&M rugby team matched up at Baylor this afternoon.
I sent this pic to 3 friends up North and they all commented on how nice the grass looks.
Honestly, the pitch was fantastic (and he played well)
The Eagles at the Sphere
— Mike T. sends (no, he didn't go to the Sphere…he's in France):
One of my friends went to see a show here, said it was unbelievable! Fun to hear experiences of people who’ve been there!
How to fix basketball
— Al from Onalasksa says:
Been a long time since I checked in but still an everyday reader of America's best column.
(This 66 yr old retiree hates typing)
It seems many agree the 3pt shot is a problem
Solution? Limit the damage. Hear me out.
2 lifetimes ago we played in a softball league outside a local bar. It had a very short left field wall (ala Fenway) where even me, a slap hitter could put it out if I got ahold of one.
The league rule was ONE home run hitter per team. All other home runs over the fence were outs.
We soon learned you had to strategize your designated guy.
You would wait till you had base runners on,or , if late in the game swing away and hope.
Side story on the bar...
This was back in the VHS recorder days. The owner would send his kid up to a tower they built in center field and plug a tape into the camera to record the games.
After every game the kid would fetch the tape and turn it on in the bar afterwards.
Both teams would come back in and sit for 2 more hours drinking and razzing each other.
Genius! Don't know why I haven't seen a bar do this since with all the tech and sandlot volley ball courts outside bars nowadays.
Back to the 3 pt conundrum.
Limit the amount of 3 pointers a team gets each game.
Pick a number,say 15 per game.( all others made after that are zero, or maybe only count for one?)
Do teams fire away and use them all up by halftime?
Save some for if they're down late?
Won't have the center chucking away because he can.
Maybe have a bonus line out 35 ft for desperation time?
Think of the strategy options it adds plus making teams want to work the ball inside again like the old days.
Thoughts?
Thats it from cold western Wisconsin where we have NO snow but, at least I can drive my truck out on the ice for fishing!
Thanks for my every morning read to pump me up to get up, go out and do hard things (stacking more firewood today)