Government Snipers Are Conducting Clandestine Operations To Slaughter Deer In Washington, D.C.

The government is waging a secret war against a very dangerous enemy in Washington, D.C.: White-tailed deer.

The Wall Street Journal published a piece Tuesday that reads more like a Tom Clancy novel than it does a basic story about killing deer.

And before PETA jumps in here and freaks out, deer hunting isn't just ethical, but results in great meat. I grew up eating venison almost every single day, and I won't apologize. Try it if you haven't....just don't expect to see a lot of deer roaming D.C. to be taken down if the government has its way.

Sharpshooters are taking out deer in Washington, D.C. to protect plants. (Photo by Wild Horizons/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

The WSJ reported "highly-trained specialists" carrying "silenced weapons" are taking out deer like Delta Force smoking ISIS in order to "protect young plants from too many hungry deer." One hotspot for the snipers is the legendary Rock Creek Park. It's apparently ground zero for suppressed gunfire in the name of freedom.

The world has certainly known no greater threat than hungry deer *checks notes* eating plants, and the government has kill teams on standby to protect D.C.'s vegetation at all costs.

Sharpshooters laying waste to deer in Washington, D.C.. (Credit: Getty Images)

Government snipers in Washington, D.C. waging bloody and brutal war against deer

Despite the bloodbath that's been unleashed, it's unclear whether or not all the killing and death has made an impact.

"We don’t know yet. There is a response, but not enough to make a statistical difference. We are having data analyzed," park’s resources, lands and planning manager Nick Bartolomeo told WSJ.

At least when America was battling ISIS, there was absolutely no doubt who was winning. The dead bodies of ISIS terrorists told us everything you needed to know.

It's apparently a shade more complicated with deer. Who would have ever seen that coming?

We need film footage of these shootouts ASAP. The hunting/HVT missions are taking place at night. That makes me believe they're using night vision goggles or scopes and possibly lasers like people like to do with hogs.

Imagine going for a run through Rock Creek Park and seeing a six-man squad with blacked out faces, NODs on (give me those panos!), AR-15s with suppressors and bipods and dressed in camo.

I saw the sniper teams swap out when I was at the White House Christmas party in December, and I thought that was awesome. This would be next level.

Secret sniper teams in Washington D.C. are taking out deer. (Credit: Getty Images)

Does anyone know how I can volunteer for one of these anti-deer hit squads? If so, let me know at David.Hookstead@outkick.com. I need to stock the freezer full of venison!