FREEDOM: OutKick's Official 4th Of July Party Guide To Celebrate America And Dominate The Day
Today is the 4th of July, and this party guide will give you all the tips and tricks you need to dominate the day.
Everyone who knows me knows the 4th of July is like Christmas, my birthday and the opening day of college football rolled into one.
This is America's birthday - the only birthday that really matters. On this day in 1776, the USA wrote the greatest breakup letter of all time.
The Founding Fathers flipped the British Empire the bird, told them to come get some and then a bunch of farmers kicked ass against the world's most powerful military. Turns out standing in straight lines and expecting to fight like "gentlemen" isn't a great idea against a rag-tag team of rebels.
That's the spirit America had in 1776, and it's the spirit that we've carried with us in the centuries that have followed. That's the spirit we will carry with us all day as we craft the PERFECT 4th of July day and party experience.
Let's dive in.
1) Start the day with meat and beer.
It's the 4th of July. Nothing you do today should be done half-assed. You can save your health for tomorrow and the 363 days that follow that one.
Today is about America, and the rules simply don't apply. As soon as you roll out of bed - that's already happened because you're reading this - you should be at the oven with a skillet loaded with eggs, steak, bacon, sausage, some buttered toast and whatever meat you can find.
Some might laugh and say that's an unhealthy way to eat. Well, that's how generations of Americans ate long before obesity was prevalent and it worked just fine. If it was good enough for the guys who won WWII, it should be good enough for you.
Steak and eggs are great for the 4th of July. (Photo by: Daniele Orsi/REDA&CO/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)
You know what goes great with eggs and steak? A nice ice-cold domestic beer. This is the 4th of July. Anyone drinking foreign beer will be referred to the CIA for investigation and possible drone strike. There's no bigger red flag. Drink that stuff some other day. On America's birthday, the boys only drink domestic cold ones.
While you're cooking breakfast, go ahead and throw a beer or two in the freezer. A shower is around the corner, and a shower beer is ALWAYS a must on the 4th of July. Get it right to the point where it starts to freeze and it will be perfect in the shower. The steam will crush a regular beer plucked out of the fridge. You need it extra crispy and cold to make it through a shower without losing its edge.
Meat and beer is step one. I anticipate there will be no issues with anyone reading this when it comes to getting it done.
2) Your playlist should be BLASTING the moment you wake up.
This is an easy one:
Music.
The playlist sets the tone, and it should be rocking and rolling from the moment your feet hit the ground today. Blast it while cooking breakfast, in the shower, in the Uber to a party (do not follow this list and then get behind the wheel on your own. Get a damn Uber or Lyft or have a designated driver. Party hard but be safe) and all day wherever you end up.
Everyone has their own tastes and preferences. For me, I like extremely patriotic music. I'm talking about Kid Rock, Toby Keith, Johnny Cash and anything else that makes you want to pick up the flag and run through a brick wall.
The playlist is CRUCIAL. I can't stress it enough. If you fail at this step, then the day could be over before it even gets going.
Enjoy a few of my picks below if you need some time to craft your own.
You best believe I've already listened to "Take Me Home, Country Roads" at least three times with a few beers by the time you're reading this.
3) Take a moment to amp yourself up with some legendary film clips.
Okay, I will briefly allow you to pause the music. Why? Well, we're about to inject patriotism and enough energy into our souls to invade a country.
Before every college football Saturday, I fire up a playlist of the best sports speeches. Same idea here, but even better. Every 4th of July, I fire up a playlist of iconic pro-America moments in entertainment.
There are too many to count. Do yourself and just start hitting play on the videos below!
4) Make sure your supplies are ready (hopefully this is already done).
The last thing you want to do is have to run off to the grocery store moments before the Uber shows up because you didn't plan accordingly.
You're hopefully reading this in the morning. If you're not already locked, cocked and ready to rock, then get your butt to the store immediately.
Get your meats, buns, snacks and booze long before you're getting ready to go to your main destination. Do you think the patriots who showed up to fire the opening salvo of the Revolutionary War showed up with no plan? Of course not. At a minimum, they had a loose plan. Don't disrespect them by being unprepared.
5) Make sure your outfit is on point. This is America's birthday, after all.
Okay, this one is really going to vary from person to person, but don't be afraid to spice up the outfit. After all, this is a birthday party and it's a birthday party for the greatest gift God ever gave the planet.
Personally, I like to go with a fun pro-America look that features the only colors that matter today: red, white and blue.
Below is an example of a fun look. You want your 4th of July outfit to act as a symbol of patriotism and also as a conversation starter.
An example of an acceptable 4th of July shirt. (Credit: David Hookstead)
Other examples of stuff that could work include camo pattern, jean jacket, a headband of the American flag or anything that's similar. Some hardos try to act like you can't wear red, white and blue. Give me a break. This is America, and we'll do what we want.
6) Get your crew together. Leave the communists on the roadside.
Okay, so we're getting ready to finally walk out the door and it's time for arguably the most important part of the day.
It's time to assemble the crew. Failure at this point is guaranteed to ruin the rest of your day. Take that to the bank.
For national security reasons (that's not even a joke), I can't divulge who I might be with today, but what I can tell you is the crew has to be carefully crafted.
You don't want someone who is ready to pass out by three in the afternoon. Unlike the Marines, we will absolutely leave you behind. The mission comes before the man. If a member of the crew starts holding everyone back because they're lazy, drunk or for any other reason, cut and run. Don't even feel bad about it.
Qualities I want to see in your crew:
Those are key qualities that must be observed. Also, if guys in your crew have girlfriends, that's fine. No problem, but they must understand today is a day to go hard. If they don't understand that, leave them at home. If your buddy is torn between his girlfriend and the boys on the 4th of July, then he's already lost. Delete his number and move on.
7) Hit the party and REPEATEDLY drop fun pro-America talking points.
Okay, the crew is assembled, you have your crew assembled and it's now time to hit your main party. Let me just say one thing right from the top. Do not for any reason show up empty-handed. There is no worse person in the world than someone attending a party who doesn't bring anything at all. A case of beer or a bottle of alcohol is a MUST at a minimum.
Ideally, you want to bring alcohol and some snacks. Do not for any reason walk into another person's house without anything. It's a terrible look.
The second major point to be made once you're at the party is that you must have a never-ending stream of pro-America talking points. Did you know America is back-to-back World War champs? Or, did you know we're the only country to go undefeated in Super Bowls and send men to the moon? Take that, North Korea.
Be patriotic on the 4th of July. (Photo by: Universal History Archive/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)
Nothing is off-limits here. Memorize every detail of the Osama Bin Laden raid to the point where it sounds like you were there. Nothing, and I mean literally nothing, impresses men and women after a dozen drinks than regaling them with the tale of SEAL Team 6 splitting Osama's skull apart like a coconut. I personally do this several times a year, and it never fails to get the patriotism rolling.
Remember, these colors don't ever run, and they damn sure don't run on the 4th of July. If you thought a third atomic bomb might have been necessary in WWII, now is the time to explain your case.
8) Have a designated beer run contingency plan.
Here's a fact of life: even the best plans sometimes fail or hit problems that must be solved. You know the difference between who wins and who loses a gunfight? It's as simple as who can adapt better once the bullets start flying.
It's no different when it comes to drinking beers on the 4th of July. You need a plan and you need a backup plan for when things go wrong.
We all hope your party doesn't run dry, but the fact of the matter is it is very likely that it is. You need a plan. Here's the best advice I can offer. Have a contingency underway. Odds are high that at least one person there will be sober. Throw them a couple fresh $20 bills plus whatever the beer is going to cost and have them make a run.
Another great idea is to text people on the way. Nobody shows up at the same time. There will be staggered arrivals. Is someone going to be there in 45 minutes? Text them and have them make a pitstop. Trust me, better to have this plan ready to roll than find yourself out of ammo with bullets flying your direction and no plan. Breath, relax and get it done.
9) Regroup, adjust, adapt and make sure you're awake when the fireworks start.
Is the house party down and you're feeling a bit tired? That's normal. It's been a long day, but while it's normal, it's not acceptable.
The guys who fought the British were tired too. They kept fighting, and you can fight through fatigue. Grab some coffee, throw a shot or two in there and find a new place to move to.
If there was ever a time to hit the bar, it's right now. For me, if the time comes to move to a bar, I'll be at Dirty Water in Washington D.C..
The 4th of July is a great opportunity to crush some beers. (Photo by Robert Alexander/Getty Images)
Go with what works here. The 4th of July isn't the time for fancy cocktails. What are we drinking boys? Cold domestics. Again, if it was good enough to win WWII on, it's good enough for today.
Whatever you do, make sure you're awake for the fireworks. Do not pass out before the fireworks. Every firework that hits the sky explodes with the attitude of freedom that made this country the greatest on the planet.
10) Let your head hit the pillow knowing today was a win.
Congrats, you made it home and you've had a hell of a day. One more beer before bed? I'll let you guys decide that, but let your head hit the pillow knowing you crushed the day, the party and properly honored America.
What tips and tricks did I forget? Let me know in the comments and have a great 4th of July!