Fired Flight Attendant Spills Her Secrets, Mayo Haters Unite, Poisonous Hammerhead Worms & NSFW Makeup
Folks, I have a confession: I broke Sober August.
I know, I know. SHAME SHAME SHAME. I said I was going to go the whole 31 days with no alcohol (a nice detox from summer shenanigans). But I went to a Creed concert downtown last Tuesday, and I had a couple beers. Nothing crazy — I certainly didn't throw chairs off any rooftops a la Morgan Wallen. But I did fail the challenge.
That's OK, though! Because I'm firmly back on the wagon now, and I'm feeling good as we enter the last month and a half of training for the Ragnar Race on Oct. 4.
Besides, I talked to Kamala Harris, and she said you can still be sober even if you drink a few beers.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm certainly feeling fired up now!
Grab yourself a glass of something delicious and refreshing, raise it up and let's get rolling. It's Nightcaps time!
Mayo Haters Unite (In My Email Inbox)!
We're gonna switch things up today and begin with the mailbag. Last week, I shared a video of Caitlin Clark talking about putting mayonnaise on hot dogs. I was horrified. Turns out, all of you were, too.
Dorky Lawyer:
We aren’t big mayo people, but my wife puts mayo on her hamburgers. A lot of mayo.
First time that happened is the closest we’ve ever been to divorce.
Eric M:
Mayo on hot dogs…
I live with such a person, and yet I still love her to death.
Yes, this is an unforgivable culinary sin that my God-tounge level possessing wife commits every single time.
This same woman can taste when you put a spec of paprika in your dish, but still insists on mayo on the hot dog, and other things. Go to burger: Cheese, lots of pickles, and of course a healthy dose of mayo. This also includes fried potato products like french fries and tater tots.
But worse of all, at home mayo for her = Kraft Miracle Whip.
Pray for me.
Brian C:
I'm from California, living in Norway now. One hot dog revelation here is that Norwegians put potato salad on their hot dogs. And a mayo-like white sauce. Tastier than mayo, but hard to get past the mayo likeness.
The potato salad, on the other hand, is quite good on hot dogs!!
Brandon L:
I grill out quite a bit for family and friends, but it's always BYOM (bring your own mayo) because I refuse to keep it in my fridge. And they better take it home with them when they leave or it's straight in the garbage.
Amber:
Damn, y'all REALLY hate mayonnaise. To be fair, I don't eat it, either. But it's not that I'm particularly disgusted by it — it just feels like an unnecessary waste of 200 calories on my sandwich. I can drink two Miller Lites for the same calories as two tablespoons of mayonnaise! Not worth it.
Unless, of course, you put a little garlic in the mayo and call it something fancy, like "aioli." Then, I'm all in.
All this mayo talk, though, reminds me of that guy who went viral way back in 2019 when the Memphis Redbirds spent an entire game live tweeting a dude who was chowing down on a tub of mayo in the stands.
I'm going to tell myself this was just a classic Minor League Baseball publicity stunt and that he's really just eating vanilla yogurt or something. Besides, I'm not even allowed to bring my purse to sporting events and concerts …how did this guy sneak in a whole tub of mayo?
I call shenanigans!
Inappropriate Children's Songs
Last weekend, Robert "R.L." Huggar played the halftime show at the Big 3 Playoffs in Nashville. You may remember him from the R&B trio Next, which had a hit '90s song about accidentally getting a boner on the dance floor.
We really sang some wild songs as children that we didn't really know the meaning of until we became adults.
Mike E:
"Too Close" by Next — I remember being in Middle School hearing this song on the bus all the time. For a month everyone was singing it.
About a year ago my wife and I switched our music subscription and had to create new playlists. I remember loving this song, so I added it. Couldn't believe how dirty it was. It must've been super weird for our bus driver to hear a bunch of 13-year-olds singing along to it.
David In Illinois:
I think the song I sang, a lot, as a kid (that turns out to probably be inappropriate) is "Little Red Corvette." I was 12 in 1982 when 1999 was released, and that album marked my entry into an absolute obsession with Prince and his music. I'd later discover his previous gems like Head and Do Me, Baby, and Sister, from previous albums, but I was oblivious as I sang lyrics like, "I guess I must be dumb 'cause you had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some of them used..." and, "Move over, baby, gimme the keys, I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine."
In the end, the whole song was about sex, but in a way that made you want to get on your feet and dance, not hide your head in dismay (re: those today who try to pass themselves off as "artists"). If only they could also be "formerly known as."
Sarah:
As an elder millennial, I still shamelessly blast boy band music in my car, during workouts, cleaning the house, honestly all the time. It's insane some of the things little girls were singing along to back then. You mentioned O-Town, but BSB and NSYNC were pretty bad, too.
My favorite is "Digital Get Down" …the cyber sex song LOL!
Amber:
Sarah makes a great point about boy bands. Looking back, it is kind of gross that these 21-year-old dudes were on stage gyrating and singing about sex to preteen girls.
South Park actually has a great episode on this, where a bunch of impressionable little girls go to a Jonas Brothers concert and their "ginis" start tingling.
I'm praying for you, girl dads.
Sexyy Red Is In The Makeup Business
Speaking of someone who needs prayers, Sexyy Red.
I mentioned her in Nightcaps last week as someone whose lyrics definitely aren't cryptic and leave nothing to the imagination. (In her eloquent and heartfelt love song "Pound Town," she even describes to us what color her booty hole is.)
The rapper is collaborating with a makeup company for her own line of NSFW lip glosses. And they are just as blunt …and disgusting.
I'm embedding this Instagram post just so you can see product. If you scroll, it's your own fault.
Yeah, in case you didn't read the caption — or you're thinking, "Surely that can't be real" — let me give you a closer look at those "flavors." And yes, this is real.
Imagine telling your wife her lips taste delicious today, and she's like, "Thank you, it's gonorrhea!"
This is like the time Gwenyth Paltrow made a candle that smelled like her vagina. Except so much worse. I am curious about the creative process here, though. Like… is there quality control to make sure the scent is accurate? And what poor soul got that job for the "yellow discharge" gloss?
Oh God, I take back everything I said about mayonnaise. This is way more repulsive.
Let's move on before y'all never let me write Nightcaps again.
Flight Attendant Spills All Her Secrets
Not the same kind of secrets as Sexyy Red, though, thank goodness.
Eizabeth (if that's even her real name) claims she was fired by Delta for flirting with a passenger. So now, she's exposing everything Big Airline trained her to hide from us, the unsuspecting passengers!
Given that this is the only thing she's ever posted on TikTok, I'm not convinced this person is real or has ever been a flight attendant. But since the post has nearly 12 million views, let's get into it.
(TikTok: @flywithlizzy)
- Don’t drink any hot coffee or tea: "The pot of water is never replaced and grows mold. Just stick to water."
This actually makes perfect sense. Flight attendants don't have a dishwasher back there. And I'm fairly certain they don't take the time to hand wash those pots themselves. I've already told you, dear Nightcaps readers, why I would never use a hotel room coffee pot. This is absolutely the same thing.
- Dress nicely: "If you want special treatment from flight attendants, make sure you dress nicely. We notice how passengers are dressed, and you’re more likely to get an upgrade or a free drink if look presentable — never wear sweatpants and a hoodie."
And to that I say, you can f*ck right off, Lizzy. If I'm going to be sitting on a plane for hours (and likely in an airport for hours, too, because flights are constantly being delayed these days), I'm going to be comfortable. Not to mention the fact that the planes themselves are usually freezing, and I always get stuck next to some jerk who wants to open up all the air vents. You can pry my sweats off my cold, dead body.
- Give a gift: "We aren’t allowed to accept tips. But if you wrote us a nice note with a small gift (like a bag of candy) you’re also likely to get some special treatment."
Flights already cost a gazillion dollars, now I gotta buy a gift for my flight attendant, too? Watch, before you know it, it'll be the norm for a flight attendant to drop off your tiny bag of stale peanuts and then shove one of those "how much would you like to tip?" iPads in your face.
- Just ask: "If you want extra snacks just ask for them. You’re not only limited to one snack — we will give you a handful of them."
Thank God, I love stale peanuts.
- Don’t go barefoot: "Do not take your shoes or socks off when using the lavatory. We think it’s so gross because we see what happens in there."
OK, I'm actually with her on this one. I may be wearing sweats and a hoodie like an uncivilized slob, but I'm absolutely wearing shoes, too. People are way too comfortable having their nasty feet out on airplanes.
- Keep costs low: "When searching for cheap flights, always make sure to clear your search history. The cheapest flights are always on Tuesdays."
Oh, would you look at that? It's Tuesday! Maybe it's time to book your next trip?
But NOT to Texas…
Poisonous Hammerhead Worm Found In Texas After Flooding
Yes, a poisonous hammerhead worm.
This is the stuff of nightmares, y'all. Not only is it disgusting, toxic and more than a foot long, it's also nearly impossible to kill — because if you cut it in half, it just regenerates itself! Actually, it turns out that all flatworms have the ability to become two different, genetically identical flatworms if they are cut in half. And that's terrifying.
Also, why are we calling this a worm? I think once it reaches a foot long, it should officially be classified as a snake. Then again, those things in Dune are like 300 feet long, and they still call those worms. So what do I know?
Anyway, these invasive hammerhead mini-snakes have been appearing on driveways, patios and sidewalks thanks to their underground homes being flooded by Hurricane Beryl and other storms that have been battering Southeast Texas this year.
Underground homes. You catch that? So it's only a matter of time before those Dune worms make their way to the surface, too. Or those things from Tremors. Are they the same species?
The good news is, these hammerhead worms aren't going to kill you or swallow you alive. But they might give you a nasty itch (again, not the same kind of nasty itch Sexyy Red has).
According to the Texas Invasive Species Institute (TISI), these little guys "secrete chemicals through their skin to make themselves noxious to predators, and aid in the digestion of earthworms. These chemicals can cause skin irritation on humans if they hold the flatworm, and domestic mammals if they consume the flatworm. Furthermore, many flatworms can carry parasitic nematodes within them."
I was trying to figure out why I know the word "nematode," and then it occurred to me…
Man, what a throwback. Now, excuse me while I sit here and watch that entire episode.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.