Fake Christmas Trees Are Even Worse Than Real Ones According To Scrooge Environmentalists

Nobody tell Charlie Brown.

A recent New York Times article highlighted various environmentalist-friendly experts who are now warning people that fake Christmas trees may actually be worse for the environment than real trees.

Geez, what a holiday mood killer!

"Artificial trees are made of plastic that will eventually end up in a landfill," Michigan State University garden cultivation expert Bill Lindberg said.

So let me get this straight. We can't cut down real trees because it's bad for the environment. But then by not cutting them down, you are actually doing more harm by using a faux one. Talk about a War on Christmas!

Decorative artificial christmas trees in the store (Getty Images)

FAKE TREES CONTAIN PLASTIC AND NYLON

The rise of the fake Christmas trees has catapulted in recent years with 77% of 'tree owners' choosing to go plastic this year, according to the American Christmas Tree Association. Their reasons for doing so are quite simple - fake trees are easy setup and you don't have to deal with the pine needle mess keeping the actual thing alive.

But not everyone is pleased.

"The production of one artificial Christmas tree results in about 88 pounds of carbon dioxide, an output 10 times higher than that of any sustainably grown real Christmas tree," said Rosa Rivera of the philanthropy group One Tree Planted.

Somebody might want to inform Rivera that the last thing people are thinking about is the effect of plastic during the holidays considering every single Christmas gift a kid opens is made from... plastic!

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE THINGS

But don't worry my climate-friendly Christmas lovers out there, the environmentalists have a solution if you still want to light up your living room with a tree that ironically is not living.

“If you kept your artificial tree for eight years, that is basically when you start to break even . If you keep it for longer, you could be helping the environment," Professor Lindberg further explained.

EIGHT YEARS? My guy, nobody is keeping ANYTHING for eight years these days, not when we have this lovely thing called Amazon at our fingertips.

So just to update everyone on what's currently being pushed right now by climate activists:

We can't have fake Christmas trees, we can't have real Christmas trees, we can't have traditional chimneys and we can't have milk because we aren't supposed to support cows because of the effect their methane has on global warming.

My response to these unpleasant complainers?

Bah humbug!