Ever Wanted To Smell Like A Dive Bar Without Going To A Dive Bar? No? Well, Now You Can!

Fortunately, I've never spent time at a dive bar and thought, "You know what, I need to take this smell home so I can splash it all over myself," but maybe some people have, and it's all thanks to Miller, which will be putting out its own beer-y cologne called Miller High Life Dive Bar-Fume.

I'll pass. I'll stick with whatever the hell "sandalwood" is… I think it's some kind of wood.

According to Fortune, Miller is trying to recreate every single olfactory detail of the dive bar experience. Champaca blossom is in there to give you a whiff of a freshly-cracked Miller High Life, while cedarwood and patchouli are in the mix to get your nostrils tingling with the smell of the bar itself.

And if you thought that they'd forget the smell of an old, rotting barstool, you'd be mistaken. That's what the tobacco and leather are in there for.

Nice of them to leave out the urine smell that has been tracked from the typical disaster area bathroom on the bottom of some dude's Skechers…

I can smell this photo… and you can smell <i>like </i>this photo with a new cologne from the folks at Miller. (Getty Images)

If you feel like you need to smell like a night at your favorite watering hole, it'll run you about $40 for a bottle of this stuff.

This may not be a popular opinion, but I don't get the people who insist on going to dive bars. Like, a good bar that happens to be a dive. Awesome. But I don't get the people who actively try to find the crummiest, dirtiest bar for the sake of going to a crummy, dirty bar. 

Now, this isn't to say I prefer a bar where a "mixologist" will whip you up a $22 gin and tonic, I'm just saying there's a Goldilocks zone for bars where they've got character without being complete and utter cesspools.

So, I don't know that I would pony up for that cologne, especially since I don't know how you explain it if you get pulled over.

Imagine getting pulled over for going ten miles per hour over the speed limit in a school zone at 9:40 in the morning and having to explain to the officer why you smell like a dive bar.

Have fun with that.