Emily Mayfield Dumps Out Cowgirl Content, Riley Gaines Vs. Gov. Gretch Is A Bloodbath & Maggie Sajak Checks In

Well, we're doing it again. Unreal. 

Another Monday of 'round-the-clock storm watching – 5, 8, 11, 2 & 5! – and another Monday of battening down the hatches and planning evacuation routes.

We were so close. Just sooooooooo close to being done with Hurricane season. It was so quiet up until a few weeks ago. I thought we had stayed under Mother Nature's radar just long enough to be forgotten about. But, frankly, she's a real bitch sometimes and this is one of those times. 

Unlike Helene, unfortunately, Central Florida is right in the path this time. Stupid Milton won't be quite the monster when he gets here that he is when he hits the coast, but it looks like he's still gonna pack a punch. 

Normally, I'd ride it out. But I ain't as young as I once was, and I also have two kids now. Can't be losing power with two kids. I'd run straight into the eye of the storm if that happened. Lord knows it would be more peaceful. 

So, like the snowbirds will do here in a few months, we're heading south. I hate abandoning ship, but we basically live in a forest and that practically guarantees loss of power – along with the always fun tree-to-the-house possibility.

Not the way I wanted to spend the week, but as is life. No use in crying over spilled milk. We pick our asses up around here and trudge forward. 

On that note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we welcome OG Emily Mayfield BACK to class, and Instagram, with an absolute heater. The Bucs are rolling right now and so is Queen Emily. 

What else? I've got Maggie Sajak hitting the jackpot, Riley infuriating the libs with a spectacular republican hat, the best of the rest from a big weekend of #content, and Bill Belichick checks in with his 24-year-old girlfriend. 

Welcome back, you two! Ya look great. 

Grab you a fluffernutter sammy in preparation for tomorrow's National Fluffernutter Day, and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!

Really solid weekend, folks. 

Fluffernutter! When was the last time anyone in class had a peanut butter & fluffernutter sandwich? I mean, just the best. I bet it's been 20 years since I had one, but I can still taste it today. 

In fact, looking back on my childhood, perhaps my mom sending me to middle school four days a week with a PB&F sammy was one of the contributing causes to me being a fat kid? Makes sense now that I look back on it. 

Anyway, it's made for a great condiment and an even better commercial back in the day. 

Let's start out class with a throwback and then a weekend of big #content:

Strong weekend for old dudes with hot girls, too

Maxx Crosby is a lunatic. Love that dude. And that dude loves this country. My favorite player in the league. 

And hey! My Dolphins got a win yesterday! I'll be honest with you, things are so bad with them right now I actually sent their asses packing yesterday. That's right. I couldn't take it anymore, so, at halftime, I relegated Fins-Pats to the YouTube TV quad box. 

Do you know how bad a team has to be for someone to voluntarily remove them from the main screen? That was truly one of the worst football games I've ever seen. Both teams stink and both should be sent to the XFL. 

PS: this made me laugh. 

Yeah, I mean – it was THAT bad. Between that and taking an absolutely BRUTAL gambling hit during the morning London game – THROW THE BALL TO BREECE HALL YOU IDIOTS – yesterday wasn't my best showing. 

You know who had better days? Shaq and Billy Belichick! Unreal weekend for these two:

Emily, Gretchen & Riley, oh my!

Bill and Jordon! Welcome back. Sick T-Swift shirt, too. I'm sure that was all Bill. And how about Shaq and the Hooters girls?! 

Look, Hooters may be dealing with some financial woes right now – OK, more than some – but don't get it twisted, they are the standard. If anyone can save them, it's Shaq. Let's capitalize on this, Hooters Garland, and get the orange skirts BACK on track. 

PS: the comment section is a wasteland on this one. Enter at your own risk. 

OK, rapid-fire time so I can go out and buy three packs of water bottles for $100 that will sit in my pantry until they expire next spring. 

First up? Let's check in with Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer as #ElectionSZN nears a climax:

Holy hell. It's just so embarrassing. I don't understand how you can be a democrat and not be embarrassed by that? Like, how is it possible?

These people are NUTS, and they just treat us like we're a bunch of idiots. And you know what? Half of society will EAT THAT UP. They'll think it's the greatest thing since fluffernutter. We're such an unserious country. 

Save us, Riley!

I mean, just go ahead and choose your fighter. It ain't even close. If you look at those two things, and think the left is the right way, you're just insane. 

Luckily, I know this class, and I know our students. Ain't nobody picking Gretch over Riley. Bloodbath City. 

Now, let's fire those cannons on the way out!

Take us into the week, Maggie!

Giddy-up, Emily Mayfield! Bucs are an absolute wagon this year (minus an absolute collapse last week), and the Mayfields are dominating the Tampa area. 

PS: on a serious note, if you're in that area this week, please – for the love of God – don't be a hero. Get out. I'm all for #FloridaMan attitude, but we're also a common sense state, too. 

Be smart. We need all students accounted for this week. 

Now let's go have one. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You in the cone? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.