Emily Elizabeth Pretends 'It's Not 40 Degrees Outside', Fists Fly In Traffic For Miami's Art Basel & Taylor Trojans Silent Night Is Amazing
If you've lost all faith in college athletics, today is your day to shine
Last night, while working on this edition of Screencaps, I happened to turn on the Furman-Montana FCS quarterfinal game from Missoula and I'm happy I did.
I've heard many of you say how you've lost interest in college football because of the transfer portal, NIL, and marginal quarterbacks who are making millions to transfer to a different school. There's a solution: FCS football.
How could you not get romantic about football after the first five minutes of that game? Montana took the opening kickoff back 99 or 100 yards, I'm not sure what they ended up marking it as. Then, on the ensuing drive, Furman goes like three plays and scores. The crowd was buzzing. The players had incredible energy. There's the small-town feel. There's the romanticism that many of you have always loved about football, but it's been ripped from your hearts by TV networks and bowl committees.
By the end of the night, Montana won 35-28 in overtime and will host a semifinal game next week which means it could be snowy, cold, very cold, windy, nasty. In other words, exactly what you want to see from Montana football in December. I'll watch.
And one day I need to get to one of these games. The energy pops off the screen.
Today, you get three FCS games:
(8) Villanova at (1) S Dakota St – 12pm, ESPN
NDSU at (3) South Dakota – 2:30pm, ABC/ESPN3
(5) UAlbany at (4) Idaho – 10pm, ESPN+
And on your other TV:
Army-Navy
Company Christmas Parties Gone Wild stories
• Herb in Roswell, GA says:
So, about 20 years ago we had our annual holiday party. Big company that takes over an entire couple of hotels in a very large city for a few nights. At the end of the last night, many of us head down to the restaurant at the base of the building.
There is a band there playing songs we can all sing or dance to. Around 1000pm they played “You Can Leave Your Hat On”. Oooops. One of the guys who was on the dance floor much of the night decided it was a good time to do a “stripperish” type shuffle as he made his way over to the woman sitting on a chair adjacent to the dance floor. He straddled her and shook and shimmied like a stripper would.
She……turned out to be our Chief Legal Officer. That was the last we heard of him.
• Jason W. admits he was the one getting crazy:
Drunken Xmas (er Holiday) Party... I was 20-something - dating some girl in the office - the boss has an "afterparty" at his house - about 30 people. This old drunk dude was touching, grinding, annoying my date. Of course I was hammered. I confronted him, he got in my face and I shoved him... he fell down, I got thrown out.
Turns out he was the boss's buddy.
On Monday I went to the office and my mailbox was no longer there. (back in my day you had actual boxes where they'd put mail that came in for you. I don't think this exists any longer.) Met with HR, wasn't fired but had to apologize to the entire company, the boss directly. I left a few weeks later.
The readers are still at war with Millennial Jeff in Minnesota (MJiM) who came in here taking shots at the SEC and claiming Michigan would 'easily' beat Alabama
• Exotic Wood Mike in Pasadena has been going at it with MJiM:
Greetings from Budapest, Joe!
Couple days here to visit the Christmas markets with Mrs Exotic Wood, then passing through Venice Italy looking for the good stuff.
Kudos to Jeff for having college football genetics and DNA going back a couple of generations. It’s impressive, and equally baffling considering his “hot takes” on this years playoffs.
I too have some long-time first-hand connections to the game including many D1 players that have passed by my whistle. But this isn’t about my resume.
I am specifically targeting his statements:
New Mexica State is as good as Alabama or UGA. Not close.
FSU will beat UGA - not going to happen, and he’s still saying that after their star WR pulled out of the game and their 3rd string Freshman QB will be under center.
And finally, Michigan beats Alabama EASILY - his words. Will Michigan win ? Maybe. Will it be easy NO. I actually think Saban pulls it off.
I can break down some X’s and O’s for this game but those that know, know.
If you don’t believe me - just ask Vegas.
It’s OK if Jeff hates the SEC, they’re still good for the game.
• Mike added in a follow-up email:
I forgot to add that the SEC has sent more players to the NFL over the last 15 or 16 years than any other conference in the country. So there’s that.
Kinsey:
All I really noticed in that email is that Exotic Wood Mike is now referring to his wife as Mrs. Exotic Wood. LOVE IT.
• Scott J. wants a piece of MJiM, too:
I had to respond to Millennial Jeff with his football take about how northern football is superior to southeastern football. Since I live in Jacksonville, FL, I think I have a pretty food feel about SEC football. The reason the SEC has the best football is because they have the best players. The SEC has also won the most national championships. Those are facts. The SEC also has the most players in the NFL. I’m not saying that northern football is bad. I’m just saying SEC football is the best. Those are just facts. You can look them up.
Thanks for the community, Joe.
• Dale A. chimes in:
Since Jeff clearly did not read my initial response regarding non-conference scheduling for this season for the SEC vs Big 10, I'd love for Jeff to explain which one of the following non-conference games for Michigan the last two years were "good non-conference games:" East Carolina, UNLV, Bowling Green, Hawaii, Colorado State, and UConn.
Also, I know Jeff does not like facts but here is another one - in its last two playoff games vs TCU and Georgia, Michigan has allowed an average of 42.5 points and 504.5 yards per game.
Obliterated on Netflix sucked and shame on Screencaps readers for suggesting it
• Miles O. IS NOT HAPPY with those of us who have been watching Obliterated and influenced him into watching it:
I have seen some positive comments in your sister column Nightcaps and I think also in Screencaps about the new Netflix show Obliterated. I wasted an hour of my life and watched the first episode and I wondered what the hubbub was about.
With excellent American shows, of which there are very, very few, like Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Virgin River, The Terminal List, The Night Agent, The Recruit, Joe Pickett, Ozark and Bloodline and excellent British and Aussie shows like, Outlander, Bodyguard, Downton Abbey, Doctor Foster, Happy Valley, Poldark, Packed to the Rafters, Offspring and many more, Netflix stoops to giving us this garbage. Total unimaginative trash which I assume is meant to be a satire.
I know nobody cares about my opinion, but there it is anyway. Thanks for listening. Over and out.
Kinsey:
Don't be so hard on yourself, Miles. I guarantee you've influenced someone out there not to watch Obliterated.
A message for Bruce K. who wrote 'F--k Trump' in his email
• Ridge Runner writes:
Tell Bruuuuce to soak his head in butter and ram it up a dead cow's ass.
Pornstar Hoodie Guy
• Jake in Charlottesville, VA writes:
Maybe that dude has been feeling like a pornstar, but he definitely hasn't been feeling like an editor... Dude, "Iv'e" is incorrect...
Screencaps reader submitted
Would you eat it?
• Mike N. writes from Wuhu, China:
Lost in translation?
Sunrises and fake breasts
• T-Rex in Falls Church, VA checks in:
Attached please find a photo of a magnificent sunrise in Rīga, Latvia, taken in November. Also, a Capt in the 56th RQS (Iceland) once told me, WRT fake boobs, “If you can touch them, they’re real”. Add’ly, really like your column.
The DMZ
• Scott B. in Cincinnati writes:
I have not been in North Korea but I have been to the DMZ and made it as close to the border that a normal person could.
What is bizarre in looking at North Korea from the South is that the land is completely barren with few trees. We were told all the trees had been chopped down for heating and the bark used for eating years ago.
At the DMZ location I was at the South Koreans had also built an amusement park that was very close to the line and very visible to those in the North. It as if the South Koreans just wanted to stick it to their northern neighbors to show them the fun they were having in the South.
A few pics I took while at the DMZ.
NFL players and their hands during media interviews
• John in Milford, MI has really been studying this topic:
While watching the post-game interviews after the Pats took down Pittsburgh I realized the new generation of NFL players facing media exposure for the first time have solved the problem of what to do with your hands during your initial prime time interview:
Ricky Bobby (wrong)
Jake Browning (right)
Hunter Henry (right)
Just lock them inside your shoulder pads and wax philosophical.
Tim in Texas and Horns Down
• John in Coronado writes:
Got back last night from a week in the Italian mountains near Austria, eating too much, exercising not enough, visiting Christmas markets, and having a great time. Learned cool stuff. Did you know that Britain and France lured Italy into WW I on the allies side by promising them the “watershed” mountains of northern Italy so they would finally have a reliable source of power (hydroelectric) to provide for heavy industries ( they have virtually no coal production)?
Anyway, Ted in Texas City is absolutely spot on! I completely agree with his sentiments regarding the Horns Down jerks from Austin! They wrecked the SWC, destroyed the Big 12, and they’ll try to take over and wreck the SEC with their arrogance, but strong conference leadership and other confident programs (like about 14 of them!) will tell them to pack sand!
I was thankful when MIZZOU a got the opportunity to join the SEC, and I believe the Tigers respect and honor this opportunity. I have little faith that the horns will do the same.
The last sunrise on a military career
• Andrew F. writes this morning:
Sunrise in Pittsburgh PA on my last drill weekend in the Army Reserves after 22 years.
Kinsey:
Thank you to Andrew F. for his service. There's no way Todd Z. can possibly be mad at this sunrise photo based on the context.
Wonder which team Andrew's rooting for this afternoon?
That's it for this Saturday edition.
I have a tee time this morning with the text group. We're talking record highs here in NW Ohio. How does 61-degree golf sound? It sounds amazing to me. No gloves. No need for toboggan hats. No extra clothes. Just the guys going out and crushing golf balls on a Saturday morning.
Enjoy your day. Enjoy those college football games and those Christmas parties you're attending tonight.
Take care.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com