Eli Ricks Is Thirsty For Ivanka Trump, Diplo Runs Marathons On LSD & 1 Gorilla Vs. 100 Men

One of the beautiful things about social media is that, every now and then, something goes so wildly, inexplicably viral that anyone who isn’t chronically online has zero chance of understanding it. Like "the dress" in 2015, the "Yanny vs. Laurel" debate, the Roman Empire question and the crazy airplane lady. These moments are digital folklore that consumes the global conversation for days and sometimes weeks for no reason at all.

So, no, I was not surprised when I logged into X this weekend and found thousands of people arguing over whether 100 men could take down a silverback gorilla with their bare hands.

Philosophers used to debate the nature of the soul, the meaning of life. Now we argue about primate strength vs. human teamwork in hypothetical death matches. And honestly? That’s the kind of cultural evolution I’m here for.

I won't embed the original tweet because it has an n-word in it. And I'll be damned if 10 years from now I get canceled over embedding someone else's slur in my silly Nightcaps column. But @DreamChasnMike wrote: "i think 100 [gentlemen] could beat 1 gorilla everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit."

And 281 million views later, the Internet has gone wild.

And then here comes Buck Sexton with the most delusional take of them all:

Buck, buddy, we love you, but you are out of your damn mind.

The average adult male gorilla — specifically a silverback — weighs about 400 pounds and can lift up to 1,800 pounds. He’s got the strength of about 10 men, the bite force of a grizzly bear (up to 1,300 PSI), and the attitude of someone who’s already sick of your nonsense before you even try anything.

Now, 100 grown men sounds like a lot… until you remember that:

• Most humans have never been in a real fight.
• Half of them would scream and run at the first chest beat.
• The other half would immediately be turned into protein shakes.

Gorillas are built for brutal, explosive power. No weapons, no strategy, and 100 untrained dudes? That’s a group mauling, not just a takedown. 

Now, let's say those 100 men are all Navy SEALs. They'd probably fare a little better. Highly-trained operators wouldn’t charge all at once like extras in a bad movie bar fight — they’d coordinate, surround and rotate attackers. 

But they're still humans, and I still think the SEALs all get squashed like a bug… it might just take a little longer than the gorilla beating up 100 dudes from Reddit who work out at Planet Fitness.

As the Internet does, though, someone had to go and up the stakes: could 200 men beat take down a polar bear?

Y'all really do have a death wish, don't you?

This is not a Coca-Cola mascot. This is the apex predator of the Arctic — an animal that casually flips walruses and can smell prey from miles away. Its paws are like sledghammers with knives. And unlike gorillas, polar bears are solitary killers by nature. They don’t bluff. They don’t posture. They just maul.

Oh, and a polar bear can run about 25 mph, so backing out and escaping mid-fight isn't an option either.

Unless you have an ATV and the bear just isn't too hungry at the moment. Like this one:

Anyway, I don't know why we're all arguing about this. Family Guy has already shown you what to do when faced with impending death at the hands of a gigantic murder monkey.

Hikes, Doggy Daycare & A Bag Full Of Money:

• I am doing another Mammoth March this weekend. This time, my husband and I will be hiking 20 miles through Fall Creek Falls State Park in Tennessee. Despite not really training for it, the 20-miler I did in Alabama a couple of weeks ago went over pretty well. I did, however, get the worst blisters of my life on the balls of each foot, so I'm going to make it a point to change socks halfway this time. Send me all your good vibes on Sunday (I'm not sure how to do that, but you'll figure it out).
• Because the state park is two hours away from our house, my husband and I got a hotel room for the night before the hike. And for the first time since we adopted him two months ago, we're leaving the dog with a Rover sitter. It's a family with excellent reviews, so I'm not worried about his safety or anything. I am worried, though, that he will drive them absolutely bonkers. Rocky has some separation anxiety, and I fear he might cry all night without me there. I'm also going to feel terrible dropping him off. He was in a crowded shelter (then, in and out of a couple of foster homes) before we adopted him, and I don't want him to think he is being abandoned again.

My (very talented) friend took these photos of my majestic boy during our walk on Saturday.

(Photos by Katie Kessel)

• After Shedeur Sanders was finally drafted on Saturday, it was reported that he celebrated at a Dallas nightclub with some rappers and a Louis Vuitton suitcase containing $100K. But his big brother, Deion Sanders Jr., hopped on X to clear up some confusion: It wasn't $100K in cash. It was $1 million.

Two questions: 1) What kind of friend gifts suitcases full of money? 2) Would that person like to be my friend, too?

Eli Ricks Loves Ivanka Trump

While everyone was focused on which Eagles players went to the White House and which ones didn't go to the White House, cornerback Eli Ricks was focused on… Ivanka Trump.

He also retweeted this one:

Unfortunately for Eli, Ivanka is married to Jared Kushner, and the two have three children together.

But you know what? If grown men on Twitter think they can fight gorillas and polar bears, there's no reason why a guy can't be confident in his chances to snag the president's daughter. Shoot your shot, Eli!

Speaking of that Eagles visit yesterday, C.J. Gardner-Johnson went ahead and let us all know why he wasn't at the White House. Even though no one asked.

Diplo Trips Balls For 26.2 Miles

When we talk about performance-enhancing drugs, we're not usually referring to LSD. But we're not usually talking about Diplo, either.

The DJ and producer recently revealed on the TSL Time podcast that he occasionally trips on LSD while running marathons. He described it as a "tool" to help him get through the mental and physical grind of long-distance races — which, frankly, raises a lot of questions. 

For instance, how does one even stay on the course when they’re busy conversing with imaginary purple dinosaurs on the sidewalk? 

Is there any science behind it? Sort of.

According to some recent studies and Aaron Rodgers, micro-dosing psychedelics might improve mood, focus, and even endurance by reducing the perception of effort and pain. But those studies are referring to very small, sub-hallucinogenic doses. And in Diplo's interview, he appeared to have used… well, a little more than that.

So, technically, a little bit of LSD could help you ignore pain and reality — which, honestly, describes the entire strategy behind most marathon training anyway.

Hey Diplo, call me? I have to hike 20 miles on Sunday, and I'm not sure Gatorade and a positive attitude are going to cut it.

Brady Cook Is Way Too Excited About Going To The Jets

University of Missouri QB Brady Cook signed with the New York Jets as an undrafted free agent over the weekend — and he and his fiancée, Carli, wasted no time celebrating and popping champagne like he’d just won the Super Bowl. Which is ironic because he signed with the Jets, who haven't sniffed the postseason in 15 years.

But if I'm being honest, maybe the celebration was justified.

Because with the Jets’ quarterback situation looking dire — and Justin Fields as the presumed starter after one of the weirdest QB carousel offseasons in recent memory — Cook might actually have a shot. This isn’t just "happy to be here" energy. This is "I’ve read the depth chart and I believe" energy.

So go ahead, Brady. Spray the champagne. At this point, you might be one pulled hamstring and a shaky September away from being QB1 in New York.

Back to Carli, though… why is she spraying the champagne into the pool? You're outside, Carli, just spray it on the ground.

My husband — who suddenly became a chemist once we bought a hot tub and makes me rinse off my lotion before I get in — would be beside himself if I purposely screwed up the chemical balance of the water like that.

Stuff I Liked

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.