Drunk Man Steals Identity And Yacht Because He ‘Wanted To Meet Some Pittsburgh Pirates’

A drunk man in Pittsburgh took himself for a joyride on a stolen yacht last month in the Allegheny River. He was arrested, but the story doesn't end there.

It all started around 6 a.m. on June 21, when a marina manager called the captain of a yacht that was supposed to be parked at the dock to tell him his boat was missing. The captain then called 911 and reported it stolen.

Within a few hours, River Rescue ALLEGEDLY arrested Michael Fischer — a local homeless man — who reportedly broke into the Lock Wall Marina, hopped on the 82-foot yacht and set sail. Unfortunately for the wannabe boat captain, he was unable to turn on the engine. So he simply floated down the river. The yacht ultimately came to a rest along the river wall, conveniently about 50 yards from the Pittsburgh River Rescue boathouse (this guy is super unlucky).

According to court paperwork, Fischer said, "I took the boat. I wanted to meet some Pittsburgh Pirates!"

The yacht's captain, Adam Kernohan, believes more than just one guy was involved, judging by the amount of food and alcohol consumed on the vessel.

"Well we know it was a homeless person, we do know that," Kernohan said. "We love this city, and to have the homeless just feel that they can go ahead and just grab anything that they want and just drift away and sail away on whatever they want is ridiculous."

Hold on, though! Kernohan owes the homeless community an apology.

Yacht Thief Stole A Homeless Man's Identity

In a wild turn of events, police have discovered that Michael Fischer was framed! Fingerprints revealed the thief's real name is Michael Bonniewell, according to WPXI. Turns out, he stole the homeless man's ID and gave police the wrong name.

But wait, there's more: Bonniewell is a wanted man! There's currently a warrant out in Minnesota for the man over a probation violation for drug and theft charges.

Grand Theft Yacht-o!

(Getty Images)

And apparently, he wasn't too worried about getting caught. Because when police went onto the yacht, officers found Bonniewell relaxing in a chair — liquor bottles and snacks strewn all over the place.

"He was sitting right there. Laying back. Passed out, pistachio nuts everywhere, a bottle of rum mostly all drunk, just a little left in the bottom," the boat's owner, Michael Jennison, told WPXI.

A true Pittsburgh Pirate.