Drew Barrymore Turns 49 With Throwback Heat, Danica Patrick's Wild RFK Shirt & Milk Prank Gone Bad
What a day!
You give me a day with no cell phones, limited access, and chaos in the streets, and I'll sign up for that 10 times out of 10.
You wanna know how I'm writing this right now? Well, I had to get an oil change this morning, which was fine because I figured I'd just work from the car while the fellas at my local Take 5 Oil Change center do their thing.
But I didn't account for having zero cell phone coverage. They didn't have hot spots back in the '90s, and that's what all of us AT&T customers are dealing with today.
Just a day full of SOS symbols at the top right of our stupid phones. If you don't have WiFi, you're sh*t outta luck.
So, I pulled out something called "Notepad" on my laptop and am currently pumping this out on that. No idea if it's gonna work, but we're gonna give it one hell of a try.
And on that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps -- the one where we work like it's the 1990s, celebrate Drew Barrymore from the 1990s (when she was normal), and enjoy third period like it's the 1950s.
For some reason, it's a giant history lesson today. You'll see.
We'll say happy birthday to the OG Scream Queen today. Yes, I know Drew's sort of gone off the deep end (frankly, they all have), but we still appreciate the classics around here.
What else? We've got a vicious milk attack down under, Danica Patrick rocking an insane RFK Jr. shirt, some segregation at a North Carolina high school and maybe a quick check of the mail on the way out.
I got a pair of letters about the Kia Telluride earlier this week that couldn't have been more different, which is what makes this country great.
It's also the anniversary of the Miracle on Ice, so maybe we'll end our history class with a movie if ya'll act right. We'll see.
Grab a drink from your icebox and settle in for a throwback 'Cap!
Let's start with … milk!
It's a weird day, so might as well set the tone early.
This is a new one, even for me. Ever been soaked by a gallon of milk? Me neither. I will say, milk-smell is the worst. I love milk. Don't drink it a ton anymore because I'm a grown adult, but whenever I do, I realize how much I do like it.
There was nothing like those few sips out of the bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch milk as a kid. What a way to start the day. That was living.
Anyway, some menace in Australia has been suspended from his 20k a year private school after footage emerged of him dumping milk on a couple boaters on an otherwise fine Austrailian afternoon.
Drew Barrymore turns 49 today, for those keeping count at home
From the NY Post:
The 16-year-old unnamed Australian boy was handed a "combination of suspension and other punitive action, reparation, apologies and counseling," in the wake of the viral stunt, which has been viewed more than 32.6 million times, according to the Herald Sun.
What do we think – too far or not enough of a punishment? I think it's just right. Personally, I'd send this kid to the sun with an ass-whooping so hard his rear-end would be on fire by the time he got there.
But I was also 16 once and did stupid things, so I also get it. Never poured milk on people, though. Pretty savage move considering how gross milk smells when it bakes in the sun.
Also … GoBoat? I looked it up, and it sounds like a pretty sweet deal over there. $200 for two hours? And you get a picnic table in the middle of your boat? I'm in.
Next!
Happy birthday, Drew Barrymore. She turns 49 today, and she's gotten weird over the years. Remember this little stunt she pulled on her show last year with Dylan Mulvaney before the whole Bud Light disaster?
My God. I mean, what's happened to her? So sad. Drew used to be such a crush for us 30-somethings back in the day. She ruled the '90s and early-2000s.
Obviously, we all remember Charlie's Angels, but she was also plastered on just about every single magazine on the planet for a decade.
And she turned on all of America while doing it:
Danica Patrick and Aaron Rodgers continue to drive the RFK Jr. train
How did she go from that to … kneeling and hugging Dylan Mulvaney in one of the weirdest exchanges I've still ever seen to this day? When I say the '90s and early-2000s were truly the best era, that's what I mean.
Look at us today. Just look at us. Sad.
PS: anyone remember Drew's cameo in Batman Forever? Electric:
PPS: the Batman era with Michael Keaton, George Clooney and Val Kilmer was lightyears and I mean lightyears better than any of the garbage since. Not even kind of close.
Now, let's get to two people who are also out there nowadays, just like birthday girl Drew.
Difference is, Danica Patrick and Aaron Rodgers have always been weird. They've just kicked it up a notch in recent years with all the dark cave/ayahuasca stuff.
And while both have been (allegedly) separated for a while now, I think they're about to reconcile this election season:
Miracle on Ice, Telluride mail & segregation in NC
Be honest, that's a fire shirt. Regardless of political affiliation, that's a good one. I have a Reagan-Busch ‘84 shirt in my closet that I break out every once in a while, and it’s always a talker.
RFK Jr. has no shot of winning the election – and, frankly, I worry about those vocal cords if he did – but I'll be damned if I don't track down this shirt for the memories.
Speaking of memories … let's rapid-fire this cell phone-less class into the final bell and start with a high school up in North Carolina reminding everyone that it's Black History Month …
Nope. It ain't satire. A couple of teachers got suspended over that, according to the ABC Charlotte affiliate.
Wild. I'll say this – that Sears sign is awesome. Remember Sears? What a time. Get ready to have a core memory unlocked in 3, 2, 1…
I don't need to go back to the 1960s, but take me back to that commercial playing 500 times a day and I'll sign up right now.
I'll call now.
Next? Mail time – with a pair of back-to-back responses I received earlier this week when I mentioned I may be getting a Kia Telluride:
First … Chris:
Before you buy any Kia, check with your insurance agent. Over here in Cape Coral, (they) sold so many Kias that the actual science kicked in…basically, there were so many on the road that it was almost guaranteed that one of the cars in any accident would be a Kia, and rates spiked accordingly.
Do some research on build quality and engine issues because I’ve heard some things secondhand. Several friends bought Tellurides a couple years ago and said they won’t buy another one.
And then, an hour later, from another Chris!
Love the Nightcaps, daily reading! Let's get down to brass tacks here, I own a 2020 Kia Telluride S. I cannot express how much I love it.
I love the value, if you can do without some of the bells and whistles, the S Trim is a phenomenal value compared to the others out there. The drive is great, the features are unparalleled at that price point. The fit and finish is what you would expect in a car that costs 50% more. I get 20-22 miles to the gallon in mostly city driving with a heavy foot. Did I mention that there is room?
I'm big, my 13 and 10 year old kids are getting there, they have plenty of room behind me with the seat all the way back and even in the third row. It's got room for days.
What a pickle. Frankly, the First Lady is hellbent on either the Telluride or Chevy Traverse, so at this point, it's gonna be first come, first served based on what I find in the color(s) she likes.
Unrelated: she doesn't want a black, white or gray car, so that's made zeroing in on one really easy!
Finally, today's the anniversary of the Miracle on Ice. Can't think of a better way to wrap up our history lesson.
Take us home, Paulina Gretzky
What a country we have here, huh? Love this place. And hey! I have service again!
On that note, let me go check what I missed and leave everyone with Paulina Gretzky on the way out.
Let's have a night.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Would you kneel to Drew Barrymore and fake sob if she told you she was a biological man who is now a woman? Just kidding. Of course you wouldn't! Still, email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.