Dolphins Cheerleader Jozie Schroder Reports To Camp, Kenny Pickett's Wife Enjoys A Waterfall & DeSantis' Disney Wedding
You wanna know how dedicated I am to Nightcaps? I'm coming to you live from Bourbon Street, where I've been having a morning/afternoon/nightcap all damn day. Just kidding. I don't think FOX would trust me to write this during my New Orleans trip, and I do not blame them one bit. Unlike Miami Dolphins cheerleader Jozie Schroder, I am NOT grinding today.
Nope. I wrote this yesterday. True story! Technology is insane, isn't it? Right now you're reading this thinking, damn, he really poured his heart and soul into today's column. In reality, I'm just hoping I'm not face down on some N.O. rooftop -- Hangover style.
Now, that doesn't mean I didn't pour my heart and soul into today's class. I did -- just yesterday. And it's a good one, I promise. I find I do some of my best work when I'm right on the precipice of a long weekend. It's the perfect sweet spot between mailing it in, and getting that last jolt of pre-vacation energy.
So, we're gonna check in with Dolphins cheerleader Jozie Schroder today, because it's NFL Training Camp time and the fellas on the field ain't the only ones strapping in.
We're also gonna stay in the great state of Florida to check in with Gov. Ron DeSantis and disgusting, woke, virtue-signaling Disney. Hate that place.
What else? Wanna talk some pink panties? Sure. Who doesn't? How about Tua's new tattoo? Duh. It's clearly a Dolphins-themed class today. Maybe we'll also check in with Kenny Pickett's wife? Maybe.
Stay tuned!
Grab a Sazerac Cocktail -- they tell me that's a big thing around here -- and settle in for a previously frozen version of Nightcaps!
Dolphins cheerleader Jozie Schroder stretches for a big year
I may be in New Orleans, but I can promise you this football team doesn't have anything on mine.
Tua > Carr.
Hill > Thomas.
Jozie > everyone.
Cheerleader Jozie -- perhaps the Dolphins' most famous squad girl with nearly 100k followers on Instagram -- reported for duty this week after a big summer vacation.
Not-so-shockingly, it looks like our girl is about to challenge Tua for the league's MVP. Buckle up.
Put this Tua Tagovailoa tattoo sleeve into the HOF today
Looks like Jozie Schroder is ready for a huge year, and so is Tua.
The greatest lefty QB in NFL history (only sort of joking) returned to camp with a new noggin and new arm tattoo this week, and looks ready to lead the Dolphins to an easy Super Bowl.
Hell, they may not lose a game this year.
How could you when your QB1 looks like this:
Amy Pickett is ready for football season
I just threw that last video in there to piss off all the Tua haters out there, of which there are plenty. That's fine. We love your tears. We feed off them.
Vontae Mack Tua Tagovailoa no matter what.
While we're on the topic of badass quarterbacks, let's take a minute to say congrats to newlyweds Kenny and Amy Pickett!
Amy -- formerly Amy Paternoster -- took to Instagram to announce the big news, which was made complete with a honeymoon to Puerto Rico.
Give 'em hell this year, Kenny. Maybe hit Diontae Johnson for a touchdown once in a while. Did ya'll know he hasn't scored one since Week 17, 2021?
There's some free fantasy advice for ya.
Ron DeSantis did the unthinkable at Disney
Congrats, Kenny and Amy! Can't wait to see you two crush Year 2 in Pittsburgh.
Now, let's head BACK to the great state of Florida and check in on the 2024 President-elect, Ron DeSantis!
Like Tua, he's #MyGov.
He's 100% right, by the way. For the dummies out there who think people just say crap to say it, DeSantis is spot on on all the Disney-COVID stuff.
I remember it like it was yesterday. He had to beg the wokes over there to open back up, and guess what? They did indeed make a fortune because of it.
Side note: I can't imagine a worse hell than getting married at Disney. That place is the worst. Once they took away Space Mountain because it was racist, I was out. Can't do it.
Epcot can be cool if you hit it at the right time of year, but really, it's just a bunch of woke garbage over there now.
Great turkey legs, though. I'll give Disney that.
Pink panties, birthday funerals and can we stop bitching about the heat?
Now, let's hurry this thing along so I can start packing for New Orleans ... where it's hot. Have you heard?
It's really hot outside right now across the US of A. It's literally all anyone can talk about. Seriously. I get a stupid weather notification every day telling me we're all going to melt.
Hell, I was on the phone with the Safelite Autoglass girl yesterday trying to get my stupid cracked windshield fixed, and here's how she passed the time:
So, is it hot where you are?
Me: Yeah, I live in Florida. It's always hot here. This is pretty much just another July for us.
Have you noticed it being hotter this summer?
Me: Nope. It's Florida. It's always hot here.
I live in Iowa, it was 100 today with a heat index of 115.
Me: Yeah, that's called Tuesday here.
Really? I can't stand it.
Me: I actually wish it were hotter. Now, how's that repair looking?
Guys -- it's summer. It's hot. We get it. And guess what? In about five months, it's gonna be cold as hell. Bet you $100. Put the oscilating fan on 3 and wait your turn like everyone else.
We'll be OK. I promise.
If you need any other tips for fighting the summer heat, here's someone called Ice Spice talking about her panties:
Anyone know what she's saying? Any baddies out there know? Feel free to enlighten me!
Now, I will say that having an extra paid of slacks in the car is a smart thing to do, especially as you age.
I personally can't attest to that, but I've got a couple older buddies who have told me some absolute horror stories.
You're welcome.
Finally, happy birthday, Grazi Gervásio!
Happy football season, from Bill Belichick!
From the NY Post:
Grazi Gervásio, a social media influencer from Sao Paulo, Brazil, celebrated her 28th birthday with a funeral-themed party — where friends and family paid their respects to her as she lay in a coffin.
“I died to live. and live is tooo good,” Gervásio captioned her Instagram post on July 24, which has more than 3,200 likes.
She hosted the event from inside her coffin, with a full face of makeup and wearing a see-through long, black dress with skimpy black lingerie underneath.
Although Gervásio’s nine guests mourned over her, the 28-year-old didn’t make their tears impact her while she served deathly corpse and held a bouquet of white lilies.
Man, we almost made it through an entire week without me saying it. Almost.
We are so dumb.
That's all from me. Who the hell knows where I am right now. Hope to talk soon.
I'll leave you with PEAK Bill Belichick on the way out. Our guy is fired up for some training camp!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Are the Dolphins favorites to win it all with Tua and cheerleader Jozie Schroder? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.