Dolly Parton Turns On Tony Romo, Heidi Klum Gives Thanks In Lingerie & A Legless Turkey On Thanksgiving
Welcome to a Black Friday Nightcaps -- the one where I'm currently SWEATING over my Miami Dolphins like Tony Romo sweated over Dolly Parton.
Unreal development during an otherwise slow news day, huh? 77-year-old Dolly Parton turning on America out of nowhere was certainly not on my 2023 Bingo card, but it's certainly one I'm happy we got.
We'll delve into Dallas Dolly Parton here in a bit, because I think HR is having a nice little sitdown with Tony as we speak. Lord knows Jim Nantz is.
What else should we hit on today as you all sit in line at the Sears for Black Friday? Heidi Klum spending Thanksgiving Day the same way she does the other 364 days of the year? Sure!
(That's naked, by the way).
Masters Girl and her ex-cheerleader mom stealing hearts at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade? Absolutely. We called it Monday so we get our flowers today.
We'll also check in on the state of the USF football program, Chad Johnson's engagement ring, and maybe talk about my Thanksgiving morning, which may have just been the most miserable one I've ever experienced.
Sound good? Good!
Let's get this class started, because I've got a heart just waiting to be shattered by the Dolphins here in a bit.
Tony Romo couldn't get enough of Dolly Parton yesterday
We'll start with the same thing everyone and their mother (literally) are talking about today -- 77-year-old Dolly Parton looking like a spring turkey during her Thanksgiving Day Cowboys halftime show.
What a scene. I was stunned when I saw her. Everyone was. What a final act we're getting from Dolly right now. First, she took over Neyland Stadium with Peyton Manning last week, and now she's getting all of America horny during Thanksgiving dinner.
Twitter went nuts, the old dads went nuts, the young bucks went nuts -- everyone lost their minds over Dolly, and rightfully so. She's royalty.
I know she took it on the chin a bit because social media brought up her COVID vaccine support from a few years ago, and that's fair. I get it. But we don't do politics here at Nightcaps. Not on a Black Friday, at least.
We stick to the trends and the things that make our knees buckle, and Dolly Parton did just that around this time yesterday.
There was a ton of reaction on the internet, but horny Tony Romo not being able to contain himself coming out of the break, and Jim Nantz just praying for a commercial, was by far my favorite:
Masters Girl is a star in New York
Hilarious. Tony Romo annoys the bejesus out of me, but I appreciated that.
Side note: what a fall from grace for Tony. Remember when he burst onto the broadcaster scene a few years back and was must-see TV because he would literally just predict plays before they happened?
And now I feel like we're all just sort of over him. The schtick has run its course. It's just too much now. And God forbid you watch him when he's calling a Bills or Chiefs game. The only two people in this world who turn him on more than Dolly Parton are Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes.
Moving on ...
I wrote about this earlier today, so check that out for the full story. In the meantime, it turns out Masters Girl was indeed the star we predicted she would be at yesterday's parade. Shocker. Saw that one coming from a mile away.
Anyway, Aaliyah Kikumoto's dad, Charles, is a big Nightcaps guy -- smart! -- and he gave me a little behind-the-scenes in various emails throughout the day.
Couple snippets:
Four pom moms were honored to dance with the girls (aka hot pom mom squad) to round out the age of those dancing on the float. These moms averaged in their 50s so to hang with these girls was impressive. Aj danced for the Denver Nuggets and one of the other moms danced for the Kansas City Chiefs.
The Tech fans that were here wouldn’t be your usual visitors for the parade and holiday weekend. These are God fearing, hard working, blue collar type folks that probably don’t don’t do lines, but I think had a blast this week in this town! Those at the parade around me were wearing cowboy hats, cowboy boots and Texas tech belt buckles.
Legless turkey and powerless fridge on Thanksgiving
What a year for Aaliyah Kikumoto. One day you're a Texas Tech cheerleader, the next you're a Masters Girl, the next you're Thanksgiving Day Parade girl.
And how about the roster of hot cheerleader moms in Lubbock? Didn't know it was a hot bed for that sort of thing, but it's obviously a welcome development.
Now, you know what was not a welcome development yesterday morning? Waking up to a fridge that's hovering around 60 degrees and rising. Absolute gut-punch.
Of all the days in the year for a fridge to break, Thanksgiving morning would be the absolute last choice.
It was chaos. Panic instantly filled the room (we're staying in Georgia at my sister-in-law's house) and hearts across the living room started to pound.
The raw chicken breasts they just bought? Warm. Gone. Donezo.
The sausage for the cornbread stuffing? Nope. It was basically mush.
The most nerve-wracking part was obviously checking on my turkey I'd rubbed down the night before (hey now!). It was in a pot and covered, so we had a fighting chance. I opened the lid with dread, touched the bird and felt instant relief.
(Boy, those last three sentences would have Tony Romo in a SWEAT!).
It was still cold. Not super cold, but chilled just enough that I knew it was safe. It spent the rest of the morning outside in the pot because it was 35 degrees yesterday morning. What a rush.
Now, did I also mention the bird DID NOT HAVE LEGS?! That's right. My SIL, bless her heart, somehow managed to buy the only turkey in Georgia that didn't come with legs. Didn't even know that was an option, but apparently it is. We referred to it as Tiny Tim the rest of the day for obvious reasons.
Anyway, it still turned out good. It wouldn't sit up straight because there were no legs to balance it, so it was a leaning turkey, but a turkey nonetheless. We actually crushed Thanksgiving dinner seeing as we had two toddlers running around the house all day.
Talk about a comeback story from how the day started:
USF football, Chad Johnson's ring and golfer has a crappy day
If you still haven't purchased your very own electric turkey fryer, just trust me and do it, OK? It'll change your life.
One of the best things I've ever bought. It's never failed in the four Thanksgivings I've had it. I'm sure it's on sale today. You're welcome.
OK, rapid-fire time on the way out!
First up? A quick check-in on the 5-6 USF Bulls ahead of tomorrow's finale against Charlotte:
Hilarious. "Where is the trophy case?" Wooooooof. Not great! There was a time not that long ago when USF was actually pretty good. I know that because I have a brother who was a backup-backup-backup QB there once. True story.
Program stinks now, although a win tomorrow gets them into a bowl game. Let's go, Bulls!
Next? Chad Johnson!
Could you imagine dropping a quarter-million on a ring? My God. Different worlds. Looks like the entire Johnson Clan is living just fine, though.
Again, different worlds.
Finally, how about this hero golfer up in Wisconsin who saved the day by tipping over a porta-john after a carjacker on the loose ran in it after wrecking his car.
Here's the police body cam footage from the aftermath.
Heidi Klum gives thanks on Thanksgiving
Amazing. If you were on the course and saw someone running from the cops barricade themselves in a porta-potty, would you knock it over? I 100% would. Talk about the chance to be a hero.
Love this move. Love this country.
OK, that's all for today. Another short class, I know, but it's a holiday week and I have things to do.
Take us home, Heidi. Happy Thanksgiving!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Does Tony Romo have a shot with Dolly Parton? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.