Dealing With Broken iPhone, Dunking With Nebraska, Bo Jackson Gets An Offer & She Hulk Has Interest
Hey, come on in. Grab a drink. We're going to dunk with Nebraska, scoop up some cheap NBA tickets and get a lift in with She Hulk.
But first, you mean to tell me it's only Wednesday?
Yep, here we are friends. Hump Day, but wishing it were Pay Day. Some weeks hit harder than others and thus far, the days that end in Y have played the role of Mike Tyson to my Michael Spinks. And the first punch was thrown toward my iPhone. And it connected.
My family and I took a quick Sunday - Tuesday ski trip. And by that, I mean they skied, and I worked. Don't feel too bad, there were plenty of bars at the resort that were on a first-name basis with my debit card.
Anyway, while the wife and kids were on the slopes, I finished working and decided to head to the exercise room in an effort to do something other than sit at the room's desk (with the most uncomfortable chair ever made) or polish off another 22 ouncer.
Dumb decision.
Roughly 20 minutes into my workout, I set my phone on top of one of the machines. In the middle of a set, the phone dropped to the floor. No biggie. My phone had a case, and had been dropped several hundred times over the last year or so. Hell, earlier this fall I literally dropped the phone into a hot tub, couldn't find it for 10–15 seconds, then pulled it out of the water, took it out of the case, winced, and quickly learned that it was completely fine.
So, after lifting the most amount of weight ever by someone staying at the above-mentioned resort, I reached down to grab my phone. To my surprise, it looked as if the iPhone had taken a bullet.
First, I thought it was just the case, but quickly realized that the case's protection issues were worse than the New York Jets' offensive line.
Check it out:
Nope, a bullet did not hit my iPhone, but it looks that way.
An unfixable mess of an iPhone.
Disaster had struck. I could no longer dial out. I could receive text messages, but three quarters of the screen had gone black. So that was a challenge. Emails - forget it. Scrolling through Twitter, Facebook, Instagram - now a thing of the past. This sucked. Not to mention, we weren't leaving until Tuesday afternoon and that happened early Monday evening.
I'll spare you the details, but upon getting home, I hit the local AT&T store and left several hundred dollars poorer. And no, I didn't have insurance. Maybe I like to live dangerously, but I also decline rental car insurance when offered. Wild man, I know.
Now, I'm not a fancy phone guy. I had an iPhone 12. I can't really tell the difference between any version of these phones (get off my lawn). So I told the woman helping me to just give me whatever was in stock and cheapest. Another 12? Fine by me. Of course, the store only had 15s on hand. So, I could wait 2-3 days for an older phone or pony up and get what they had.
I'm a sucker, I know.
Morale of the story: don't workout - bad things happen.
Nebraska Football Had A Better Dunk Contest Than The NBA
Alright, I didn't mean to be Debbie Downer there. It's not all bad though. After all, I have a new iPhone…that operates exactly like my old one and is triple the cost! And now that that's out of the way, let's applaud the Nebraska Cornhuskers football team for showing us to properly hold a dunk contest. NBA, take note.
On Sunday, members of the Cornhuskers football team took part in a dunk contest during halftime of the men's hoops game versus Minnesota, and they did not disappoint. They also didn't quite clear head coach Matt Rhule (we'll get to that), but the effort was outstanding - most certainly better than the NBA's version from earlier this month.
In all, five Huskers from the football team wowed the Nebraska crowd, with 6-foot defensive back Jeremiah Charles walking away the winner.
As for Rhule, he was lucky to walk away at all after Emmett Johnson, a running back, nearly took his coach out moments before barely missing a dunk.
I'll take these dunks over anything Boston's Jaylen Brown did during NBA All-Star Saturday Night.
No One Wants To Watch The Trail Blazers
I have no idea what it cost to get into the Minnesota - Nebraska game/dunk contest, but I'm willing to bet it was more than you had to pay to see Miami and the Trail Blazers in-person on Tuesday night.
Just hours before the dismal Blazers hosted the Heat, resale tickets were going for as little as $1 before fees. Yes, $1 to see household names like Moses Brown and Taze Moore square off with Cole Swider.
Portland stinks, but I'll be honest, if I'm within an hour of The City of Roses, I'm scooping those tickets up in a heartbeat. I mean, the alternative would be skiing or working out, and we know how that ends…
Bo Jackson To Alabama Instead Of Auburn?
You read that right. Bo Jackson is a Heisman-winning Auburn legend, but he could soon be suiting up for the Tigers' rival, Alabama.
Well, not that Bo Jackson, but another running back by the same name.
Cleveland Villa Angela-St. Joseph high school junior, Bo Jackson, received an offer from Bama on Monday. The running back shared the news to his X account.
He's a four-star recruit in the class of 2025 who, in addition to Alabama, also currently holds offers from Florida, Kentucky, Ohio State and more than a dozen others.
I actually saw Jackson play in-person last fall. He's the real deal. A legit threat to score anytime he touches the ball. That said, I'm still taking Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson over the young pup.
*Fun fact for old heads out there like me. The younger Jackson's school has produced quite a few "names" that will be familiar to football fans:
- Mike Golic (and his brother Bob)
- Elvis Grbac
- Desmond Howard
- London Fletcher
"She Hulk" Is Also Being Recruited - By Men
Jackie Koorn doesn't have colleges swooning over her like Bo, but she does have men begging to kiss her ginormous arms or pay for a glimpse at her feet.
Nicknamed "She Hulk," Jackie, 34, is a female body builder and aspiring WWE performer covered in tattoos with arms that make Hulk Hogan's pythons look like rattlesnakes. And her nearly 50k Instagram followers can't get enough.
"I often get asked if I want to lift men with a private session for money," Koorn said, per The U.S. Sun. "I've also received messages asking if they can kiss my arms or request foot photos, and they mention paying for it.
"I also receive marriage proposals, which I find quite intense."
Aside from messages, Jackie has plenty of admirers commenting on her photos and I'd be lying if I said they weren't entertaining as hell. Here are a few samples:
What can you bench press? Can you lift people overhead?
You could break someone's face with that back mmmm
I'm 220 and 6ft.could you lift me overhead
Already imagine between your soft arms in a little apassionated hug oh mon cherry in my menu you are the most delicious dinner what i need on my life
The heart wants what the heart wants.
Joey Votto Wants Some Attention From MLB Teams
Former NL MVP Joey Votto wouldn't mind getting some of She Hulk's attention. Though, Votto would prefer that said attention comes from one of Major League Baseball's 30 teams and not an Instagram creep admiring his back. I mean, I didn't talk to Joey, but I feel pretty confident that my assumption is correct. Votto's a free agent after the Reds chose not to resign him following the 2023 season. He had been with the Reds since 2007.
Even though Cincy doesn't want him, that doesn't mean Votto doesn't want to play.
In fact, Votto is threatening to do something horrible if he isn't signed by one of the league's clubs. He's threatening to do something low, something dirty, something generally reserved for the scum of the earth…
Votto, like a mad man, will not put his shopping carts away.
"I’m sick of this. If someone doesn’t sign me, I’m not going to put my shopping carts away," Votto said in a post shared by a Joey Votto parody account on X.
After a fake headbutt toward the camera, Votto, 40, added: "Carts are a lot like golf ball, you just want to get close to the hole."
Do the right thing, MLB. Get this man on a roster. Otherwise, shopping center parking lots are going to start to resemble the streets of San Francisco. And nobody wants to see that happen.
Dad Joke Time!
If you can't laugh at Votto, maybe a dad joke will do the trick. In last week's Nightcaps, which I know you all read, I dropped a dad joke and encouraged OutKick readers to send their's my way via email: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on X, @OhioAF. A handful hit my inbox and I figured I'd share one today and we'll keep this trend going every Wednesday.
This one came from Eric S., enjoy:
Little Johnny comes home from school crying and dad asks him what's wrong?
Johnny: "The kids are laughing at me because I don't know what a penis is."
Dad: "Follow me in the bathroom Johnny." Dad drops his drawers and exclaims "This is a penis Johnny. Not only that, it's a PERFECT penis."
Johnny: "Gee, thanks dad."
The next day at school, Johnny gathers all his friends around and drops HIS drawers and tells the kids "This is a penis! And if it was 2 inches shorter, it would be a PERFECT penis."
It's going to be tough to top that one, but if you've got a dad joke, hit me up!
Let's Call It A Day
I'm not going to attempt to follow that one, so we're closing up shop for the day. We'll do this again next Wednesday. Until then, enjoy the leftovers!
*Nightcaps is published at roughly 4pm (usually sooner) Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF or email me, anthony.farris@outkick.com