Danica Patrick's Butt Rocks America, Internet Cancels A Grandma For Bodyshaming & Cameraman Caught Zooming In
My house is ready for a second kid, my garage is fully organized for the first time in my adult life, both sides of my yard are mowed, edged and wacked, and I even installed one of them fancy garage door keypads on the side of my house and got it working.
What in the hell did YOU do this weekend? I've warned y'all for weeks that time is running out to get the chores done before football season. I have a kid on the way any day now, so I'm even more up against it.
Which is why I worked my tail off Saturday. All in all, it was a 15-beer job from start to finish. It was a whirlwind day, for sure.
Plenty of highs. Were there some lows? Sure. Always are. That's life. Did I buy a garage security camera from Lowe's only to get it mounted and realize it had to be plugged in? Yep. Was I furious? You betcha!
But we adapted. We adjusted. We got the job done. And now, we're ready to start the first week of August with clear eyes and full hearts (can't lose!).
On that note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we bring back Danica Patrick for yet another class, and go from there.
What else? I've got a spectacular weekend of content to flush out before it gets stale, a poor grandma getting canceled by the internet because she called some kids fat, and I am so beyond all-in on this Ilona Maher it ain't even funny.
We're a rugby class now. Get on board or get the hell off the tracks!
Grab you a chicken wing for National Chicken Wing Day – great day! – and settle in for a final-Monday-of-July class!
This Olympics video faked everyone out, but we still appreciate the sentiment
Again, I feel like I've done a chicken wing Mount Rushmore before. Right? So, I'm a little hesitant to do one today, but it's also NCWD, so how the hell am I not supposed to do one?
Fine. It's settled. Mount Rushmore of Chicken Wings!
- Medium buffalo (but only with blue cheese, peasants)
- Garlic parm (flats only and they better be crispy, soggy garlic parm wings are criminal)
- Cajun dry-rub (dry rub are underrated as hell, but only sophisticated palettes can handle that)
- BBQ (but only with ranch, we're not animals)
Also, boneless wings? They get a bad rap. People act like you're a simpleton if you order boneless wings. You're not. It's America. If you want to eat a boneless wing, eat a boneless wing. I do think they should be called boneless nuggets, though. It's not a wing. It is, however, delicious. And clean. Do with that useless info what you wish.
OK, back on track … with this viral video of a cameraman who understood the assignment. This video went mega-viral over the weekend for obvious reasons, but it's not actually from the current Olympics. Still, when things go viral, we talk about them in this class.
So, let's talk.
Speaking of viral tweets …
Elon has done a ton for Twitter, but the community notes addition has been a home run from the jump. It's the best. I could scroll all day and just read them.
This video is not from the Paris 2024 Olympics, but from the European Athletics Championships in Munich in 2022. We can see it on the logo at top right.
I mean, we can. It's true. Also, it perfectly sums up the world in 2024. We believe anything we see on the internet, even though the real answer is right in front of us. Although, to be fair, I don't know how many folks were looking in the top right corner during this video. Just a guess.
Now, let's go from the second-most viral tweet of the weekend to the first … and it's a doozy. So much so, that the owner of it – a sweet old grandma – was bullied into deleting it!
It's OK, Sue Ashmore. This is a safe space. We appreciate funny things around here, PC or not. In fact, the less PC, the better. That's our motto. We don't judge. We just like to laugh.
Now, I know you didn't intend this to be mean or go viral or get you canceled. But, that's life on the internet in 2024. When you call two girls fat, you're gonna raise some eyebrows:
What a weekend of content!
As you can see, I can't share Sue's original tweet, which just blew the internet's stupid head off yesterday because it was just perfect. Too perfect, I guess. It offended some people because they thought grandma Sue was fat-shaming the other girls.
She wasn't. Hey, dummies … have you ever heard a grandma talk? Or a grandparent in general? Those folks have absolutely zero filter. None.
They grew up during a time when we said what we thought, and nobody got offended. If I repeated half the words my grandpa used before he died in this class, I think our system would explode. Seriously, it would cease to exist.
You think Sue here was taking a shot at them because they were bigger than her granddaughter. No! She was just pointing out that she was the thinner one, because she's … the thinner one!
Years ago, when I was a sophomore in college, I came home for Thanksgiving break, and we all went over to my grandpa's house for dinner. He hadn't seen me since I left for school that August.
I walk up to him to say hello, go in for our classic handshake/hug combo, and he steps back and says: ‘You’ve gotten fat.'
And you know what? I had gotten fat. He was right. I just spent three months drinking 20 beers a day – a DAY – and doing God knows what else. You know what I did after he told me that? I spent the rest of the year trying to be less fat … and I got less fat. Viola.
Thanks, grandpa, for the kick in the ass I needed. We stand with Sue! Save Sue!
OK, let's empty the bookmarks from a weirdly active weekend of content:
Danica Patrick stays hot, ESPN host is done with the Olympics and I'm all in on Rugby
Look, that last one is a little dark, I'll give you that. But … come on:
A 30-year-old Florida man who once was so close to death during a 244-day coma that doctors wanted to harvest his organs survived the ordeal — only to be killed by a pickup truck.
That's just a brutal beat. It's sad, but I don't know that I've seen a worse beat. Sorry, just being honest. Could you imagine beating death like he did – after nearly a year in a coma – only to miraculously wake up and get hit by a truck? I'd be so pissed.
Again, it's sad, so I don't want to joke too much here. But irony is irony.
OK, rapid-fire time on the way out. First up? I'm all in on this USA rugby player:
Admittedly, I haven't watched a single second of the Olympics. Not one. I know it's been a long class, but remember how we started it? I had a busy weekend. Sorry.
Anyway, I'm all in on Ilona Maher here. She's a pistol. She gets it. I also used to have a 30 BMI as a kid. I was just fat, though. Remember what my grandpa told me? Come on. Try to keep up!
Next? You know who ain't watching the Paris games after that disgusting opening ceremony? ESPN's Sam Ponder:
She's 100% right, by the way. The First Lady doesn't like to get too political – and by that I mean she HATES politics – and we were talking about the outrage over the opening ceremony last night. She conceded that while she doesn't really care about most of it, she'd probably jump ship as well had our daughter been watching on opening night.
We're so COOKED as a society. Seriously, it's embarrassing. Let Sue Ashmore produce the 2028 opening ceremony!
Finally, let's get a lift in with Danica Patrick before discussing Trump's assassination attempt on the way out. Sound good?
Danica and Sage Steele teaming up for a podcast? The lefty's heads must be EXPLODING today. What a duo. The internet has no chance against those two.
Now stop staring at her butt, you animals, and let's get the heck outta here. The bell just rang. We got stuff to do.
Let's go have a big week.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You riding and dying with Sue? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.