Danica Patrick Talks Penis Size, Emily Mayfield Hits The Lake & Peyton Manning's Wife Stuns The Internet

Well, now what?

Fourth of July is done. Finished. Another year in the books. Another trip around the sun started. 

Now, it's July 8th. We've got 24 days until the NFL's Hall of Fame game. Another three weeks after that until Week Zero of the college football season. And we've got approximately zero holidays between now and then. 

No more three-day weekends. Nothing to look forward to, unless you're a big fan of MLB's All-Star game or the NASCAR race at Pocono. And even if you are, ehhhhh. You can't be that excited about either. No shot you care about the Olympics. Don't lie to me.  

So, where does that leave us? Well, luckily for you, Nightcaps is an award-winning daily column that grinds so hard for you throughout the week that we take the weekends off! So, that's what we're gonna do today – the second Monday of July. 

Grind our asses off to find the #content y'all deserve after a four-day bender. 

On that topsy-turvy note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we measure our men with Danica Patrick and then hit the lake with Emily Mayfield. What a way to start the new week!

What else? I've got an update for everyone on Bill Belichick and his new 23-year-old cheerleader girlfriend – they went for a bike ride in Nantucket! Sounds innocent, but these two lovebirds are on the fast track to a big, beautiful Nantucket wedding. I can feel it in my bones. 

I've also got a Kay Adams vacation update, Tony Vitello checks in with Peyton Manning and (possibly?) Peyton's wife, Ashley, and a SOLID trip to the strip club for NFL rookie Malik Nabers. You know when they say this is the time of year when NFL head coaches hold their breath the most?

Yep, this is why. It's grab-your-nuts time in the NFL for these next two weeks before camp is back in session. 

Grab a Swamp Water in honor of Toby Keith, who would've turned 63 today, and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!

Emily Mayfield checks back in after a long hiatus 

I know – a sad way to start the week. Can't believe Toby was only 62 when he died. Just awful. But, we're not here to mourn – not today, at least. 

Instead, we do what Toby would've most definitely done today, which is drink our brains out. Did you know he has a famous family recipe called Swamp Water? I didn't. Imagine my surprise whilst researching it this morning. 

According to Google … the adults-only cocktail is a delicious mixture of mezcal, sour apple schnapps, simple syrup, sweet and sour mix, melon liqueur and lime juice.

I'm all in. I'm sure I'm late to the party on this one, but whatever – y'all know the rules. If I hear it for the first time, it's news, regardless of how old it is. 

Now, I don't know what half those things are/how to find them. But, I'm gonna try my damnedest here in a bit when I head on over to the Publix liquor store. Can't wait. 

RIP, Toby. You'd be SHOCKED at what our current president sounds like today!

Save us, Emily Mayfield:

What a weekend for content, including this heater from Tony Vitello and Peyton Manning

It's been a minute since Emily Mayfield came to class, but she's been on maternity leave for like a year now, so I get it. The First Lady is about six weeks away from her due date, and we are going through it right now. 

And by we, I obviously mean her. You ever been eight months pregnant whilst living in Central Florida in July? My God. This is why I shouldn't have had red wine last Thanksgiving. Tried telling her. Oh well. 

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Emily Mayfield! You look great. Welcome back to class. Can't wait to see Baker Baker the Baby Maker back on the field next month!

OK. Let's quickly check my Twitter bookmarks from the weekend while they're still relevant. Really, I just need an excuse to ask everyone in today's class who this is with Tony Vitello and Peyton Manning, because she FIRED up the internet on Saturday:

Bill Belichick goes for a ride, Danica Patrick asks the important questions & Malik Nabers

Couple things …

For starters, the internet tells me that it's Peyton's wife, Ashley. I guess I can see it? Maybe. I dunno. I'm not super convinced, but the internet is almost always right – has Wikipedia ever led you astray?! – so you tell me:

Welcome to class, (maybe) Ashley Manning! What a picture. What a way to spend the Fourth of July. God, that boat must've been electric. What I would give …

Now, to the second thing that caught my eye … the FanDuel question about the showers. It went viral. Super viral. Over 13 million views. That's engagement farming 101. Good work. 

Some lunatics were appalled by it and said they shower like three times a day. Hey, get the hell outta here with that crap. Nobody showers three times a day. I can't think of a dumber move. 

Obviously, if your job lends itself to three showers a day, I get it. But I'm not sure many jobs like that exist. 

Who has time to shower three times a day? Frankly, I think two showers a day is a little insane. What if you shower at night before bed? You're telling me you're gonna wake up and shower AGAIN? Why? What did you do for the last eight hours that necessitated a shower? 

Two showers a day is the standard, with one shower a day on certain days being perfectly fine. I showered last night. I woke up and blogged for eight hours, went to a doctor's appointment, and then golfed a quick nine. 

I will come home tonight, eat dinner, and then shower again before putting my kid to bed. That's one shower today. I survived. 

Rapid-fire time on this second-Monday-of-July! First up? Bill!!!!

LOVE these two. Can't get enough of them. Bill looks so happy. Can't imagine why! He's retired, doesn't have to be stuck in an office in Gillette right now getting ready to go 4-13 with Drake Maye, and instead gets to ride bikes and take selfies with Jordon Hudson. 

What a turnaround. 

Next? Bill also doesn't have to be worrying about any of his players making July headlines like this:

Honestly, people are freaking out over this – mainly Giants fans – but who cares? Last time I checked, this is America, and if our wide receivers want to party at strip clubs during their final weeks of vacation until January, then knock yourselves out. 

PS: he has to catch passes from Daniel Jones for the next six months. Let him have this one, OK? Ain't exactly much to look forward to. 

Finally … let's quickly check in on Danica Patrick's latest podcast topic before we hit the beach on the 4th:

Florida Panthers girls take us into a big week

I was the first person to ever get stem cells injected in my dick. What a way to start a podcast! Color me intrigued. Nobody does it better than Danica when it comes to engagement. Like her or hate her, she knows the game as well as anyone. 

Thanks for getting us the answers we're all looking for, Danica! And happy Fourth of July!

OK, that's it for today. Loaded potato, I'd say. Think we did well. 

Take us into the week, Panthers girls. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

How many times a week do you shower? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.