Danica Patrick Surfaces At Burning Man & Might've Debuted A New Boyfriend, Kelce Hair Memes & Chiefs Cats
Full disclosure: I fell asleep in the 4th quarter of that game because I went to the recliner instead of staying at the Screencaps HQ
I get it, the weather was bad and they had to delay last night's game, but that didn't stop them from rolling out all the pageantry and the 10 songs that need sung before we get the damn game rolling.
I swear to god, that woman couldn't have sung the black national anthem any slower if she tried. There I was battling with Spectrum because our Internet was out for six hours (they finally restored it at 2:30 a.m.) and the black national anthem just kept going and going and going.
Then, Coco Jones (no clue who she is) gets up there and rips through the national anthem in a beautiful pace. Gets the job done. She has a great voice. But the woman knows that this isn't about her, it's about red-blooded Americans who just want to watch the football.
That said, I'm calling on Coco Jones to sing the anthem at all future big games where they show the anthem on the broadcast. There's no bulls--t when she grabs the mic. Boom, sing it & get out of there.
Anyway, as for the football, let's go over a couple of reactions:
- I can't wait to hear the analytics on kickoffs out of the end zone vs. kicking into the return zone. Will there be a kickoff return for a touchdown this season? I'm not convinced we'll see one.
- Starting the ball at the 30 on touchbacks is ridiculous. Constantly putting defenses at a disadvantage is getting old. One pass and these guys are across the 50.
- What's the strategy when you're up one with :20 left on the clock and you're kicking off? Do you allow the team to start on the 30 or make them return it and take your chances they're not going to return it beyond the 30?
- The NFL better explain all the offensive line flags a little better or you're going to have people losing their minds for the first eight games of the year. Wait until someone watches a playoff game and a guy lined up wrong costs a team five yards and negates a big play.
- I didn't notice Collinsworth gagging on either Mahomes or Lamar like normal. That might've been the biggest surprise of the night.
- John from SD writes:
Did Cris Collinsworth say that a .3 chance of scoring is a 1 and 300 chance of scoring?
Do we really need the NFL in Brazil? Yes, I know, marketing! The London NFL games seemed to be a lead up to a London team. What about MX city and Brazil now (and Germany)? What the hell was Jac Collinsworth wearing during that halftime cut-in;
Can we still use the term metrosexual?
Even with warmer weather, SoCal suffers from the seasonal delusions. Xmas tress at Costco already and this from local stores:
Kinsey:
The problem I've always had with Jac Collinsworth is the fake smile, the mannerisms that some research analyst talent scout told him to lean into and the aww shucks, metrosexual, I earned this job aura.
Jac Collinsworth has been on Twitter since 2010 and has 20k followers. Now, I know that measuring someone's worth to pop culture via a Twitter count isn't the best barometer, but Jac Collinsworth has now been shoved down our throats for the last 5-7 years and this guy can't pick off 30k followers just based on his name and maybe a couple of RTs from his dad and his NBC buddies?
This guy is on TV all the time for NBC and yet he can't build a following. Is it possible Cris had Jac's employment written into his contract? That's the only explanation I can think of for him being employed.
‘I tore up a Tunisian hotel minibar after escaping a Mad Max scene in Tripoli’
- Retired Sergeant Major Bo in Michigan, who has seen a few things in his day, shares his minibar story. Hookstead is going to be jealous I got this story:
In 2013 I was unknowingly ending 2 years of work in Libya. I had bounced between Benghazi and Tripoli on and off for a while but it seemed like we were getting close to the finish line.
One morning in Tripoli all hell broke loose.
Different Libyan factions started fighting each other..it was straight up Mad Max in that town. By sundown, the EU told all their citizens to leave (there was only one plane left) and the airport became quite the target. So we decided to hunker down where we were in the not so nice part of town and see how it went.
A few hours later we decided that the only option left was to "escape and evade" to Tunisia. This meant a 70-mile drive through uncertain country, cross an international border, and hope for the best.
It took us 6+ hours to get out of the city, another 20+ armed checkpoints (never get in a gun fight at a checkpoint) to get through but we made it. We finally got to Djerba, Tunisia (nearest international airport) about 3am and found an old French hotel. Each room had a minibar with a couple of cold beers and a couple bottles of wine.
We smoked those minibars, called for reinforcements and smoked those. 3 hours later we managed to get a flight to Zurich then home.
Best money I ever spent was on the booze in those mini bars. I’ve been particular about how I spend my remaining "cat lives" after that..got one left.
Kinsey:
Now we're cooking! The destruction of hotel minibar stories have officially ramped up with this throwback from Bo in MI.
This is like Brandon P. in Pinckney, MI telling us about attending a Russian defense contractor show a few years back. By the way, if you've never read that story, I highly recommend it. It's probably the most-requested content in Screencaps history.
Like I've always said, there are Screencaps readers who've seen and done a few things. There are some serious characters floating around in the inbox.
Give me more minibar destruction stories or stories about escaping Libya when s--t hits the fan.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Thank you for the kind words. This time of year is INCREDIBLE for content.
- Brian A.F. writes:
This just might be the best "Stuff You Guys Sent In & Stuff I Like" section ever put together. More like this please.
Kinsey:
17 years of doing this stuff, Brian. It never gets old. NEVER. The content just keeps evolving. I keep evolving and growing (outward). I know guys who have left this business to become real writers and guys who've gone on to be drunks and degenerates. And guys who went on to become LinkedIn self-help gurus.
There's nowhere I'd rather be than right here in the trenches with Real America and the people who need Screencaps on a daily basis. I'm convinced I was put on this planet to build this column.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Get ready for what? That's it. I'm going after NewsChannel5 today. They must pay for this.
- Stacy B. writes:
Nashville Media spreading misinformation.
No, the heat WILL NOT be turned on. Get a fuzzy blanket. It's summer. Deal with it.
It's going to be in the low 90s next week. Screw the PSL Mafia.
‘My house has fallen’
- Danny W. shares:
I haven’t been in contact for a while, but I felt this needed to be submitted. My house has fallen. I was gone for a few days for work and came home to this.
Kinsey:
Gather? Yeah, GATHER FOR A PATIO PARTY TO CRUSH KIRKLAND MARGS AND WATCH 10 HOURS OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL.
The creeping on summer just won't end!
- Helen checks in from Alabama:
This is at The Pig (Piggly Wiggly grocery chain) in Homewood, AL. They put this out when there were still 115 days until Christmas! Unreal!
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That's it for this first Friday in September. I hope you're good and fired up for a full weekend of football and summer. Let's finish the work week strong. Let's take an extra 30 minutes at lunch before heading back to the office to tie up loose ends and then haul ass out of there for a quick 9 before a big meat dinner.
Go have yourselves a helluva weekend.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com